Yesterday, yesterday on a very cold March morning, I saw my Samuel, for the first time ever, get irritated that he couldn’t eat gluten. There was a bagel sitting on the table, a chocolate chip bagel from Panera bread that we got from church, a bagel left there by Elijah. It didn’t matter that it was a day old bagel or that it was dry. What mattered was that to Samuel it was gluten.
And he cannot eat gluten. Ever.
He saw it sitting there on the table and went to look at it.
It gwooten free, mamma?
I told him no. And that I was really sorry, but that it was gluten bread.
I saw his face. Crushed. Irritated. Annoyed. And then sad.
And then, for a second, mad.
Mad that he couldn’t have the gluten bread. He looked up at me, and told me yucky gwooten, yucky gwooten. And then he came running to me upset. The mad left as quick as it came, and with it just came a bit of sad.
I hate, hate, hate that he cannot eat that day-old chocolate chip gluten bagel that we got free from church. It is not fair and causes my momma heart to hurt for him. Then again, at dinner, while we were eating tacos, Caleb started asking about gluten and if Samuel, in heaven, would be able to eat gluten.
More tears in my eyes.
I get stuck in the whys and the it’s not fair about celiac disease. I get stuck thinking about the times when he’s a teenager and he can’t just grab something in the store, or go through a drive-thru, or order in pizza. And those thoughts? They, honestly, make me weep inside.
I’m his momma. I am supposed to protect him. Guard him. Help him. And sometimes, celiac disease feels like a very helpless position to be put in.
He may not ever get gluten. But, his momma will fight for him. She will talk about celiac disease and gluten free living and bring awareness because she loves him. Like crazy, crazy, crazy love and she would do anything to fight for him kind of love. It’s that love that got me talking to all sorts of people at Blissdom — with Johnson and Johnson, and Con-Agra foods, and Hershey’s Chocolates, and V8, and Abbot Nutritionals, and California Raisins, and more and more about Celiac Disease. It’s that love that pushed her out of her own comfort zone when she shared Samuel’s story with them and asked them to listen. To help.
It wasn’t about numbers, recognition, or stats. It was about love.
And helping other families who deal with Celiac Disease.
Sigh. That sweet, sweet boy of mine. The boy, who was mad because he couldn’t eat a bagel, is worth fighting for. He’s worth writing about Celiac Disease and talking with others about gluten free living. And, my friends, he’s worth sharing with you that, even if you can’t eat that day old chocolate chip gluten filled bagel, your life can still be full of joy and good things.
See that face?
I love that face.
It’s an I love you forever kind of love.
A fighting for Celiac Disease , and take that you you gluten full chocolate chip bagel, awareness kind of love.
It’s a mother’s love.