Rachel Marie Martin

I lost a bit of me in the last year.

Honestly, I don’t know how or when it happened. On the outside I looked productive, busy, and like I had it together. I ran 1000 miles, was in a high-end coaching program, coached others, my kids were successful at school, we took vacations, and my page grew to almost one million.

Yet, inside, there was a part of me running.

Running from my truth, my heart, my mission.

Because honestly, I started to doubt my own greatness.

Now, before you think, “Wow, that is quite vain….” let me tell you that I believe we all have our own greatness. Our own calling, our own purpose, our own unique vision, our own wonderful voice. Yes, you, and even if you doubt it, I want you to let yourself embrace it, just a bit.

But, back to running. And true north.

Instead of stepping into my story, I spent half of my year trying to fit into the story – the package, the program, the expectations – that others had for me. Here’s the irony – everyone actually wanted me to step into my story – they didn’t want me to assimilate. They all knew I was chasing other things, was unsettled. It was me, listening to decade old voices of inadequacies and newer words that never should have stuck. I started to doubt what I did and paid a great deal of attention to statements that others uttered, but probably forgot. Although, being told I was “washed up” by a member of my editing team years ago has taken a great deal of counseling to unstick.

That’s the thing with words.

They can be powerful – in building up, in tearing down, in keeping others stuck and in granting freedom.

Which brings me back to my superpower – words.

Writing.

I have no problem introducing myself as a writer. (Or a speaker, for that matter.) And yet, because I allowed the expectations I thought the world had for me – create a course, begin a membership, start high end coaching, sell products, do this, do that – instead of stepping into my story I found myself swirling in a vortex of “what do I do next?” and even worse “do I matter?”

That’s what happens when we lose our true north.

We start to pay attention to the externals and create an internal world with a hypothetical true north and not our own.

And then, we get off track.

We lose our hearts, we don’t know the direction, we feel like we’re going in circles.

Because we can’t see.

Our seeing is clouded with a superimposed image of true north, but it’s not ours. It’s incongruent.

We need our true north.

We need our hearts and our lives aligned.

I need it.

You need it.

Maybe you are running a bit too. Maybe you have paid a great deal of attention to the words that other have said to you and they stick and keep you small. Maybe you lost your true north, your track, your calling.

I want to set you free.

I want you to see your worth.

I want you to find you again.

I want you to feel and live your purpose.

I told a friend the other day that it feels like I do really well, then I get off track and then I’m gently reminded by them of my true north and then I get back on track again. Finding self only happens when you have the courage to pick up your compass and start walking again.

It doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get off track either – I think most of life is spent getting off track and getting on track again and again and again.

Finding you?

It simply means you stop running from yourself and start investing in yourself.

True north.

That’s the direction of your soul. It’s your calling, your purpose. Unique to you.

So today, today may I challenge you to do one thing that will bring you happiness, joy or a sense of purpose? Just one small thing, one step back to you. Pick up your compass, dare to try, and invest in you again.

You are worth it.

From me, the writer who forgot how much writing frees her soul, who started writing again, to all of you.

~Rachel

#findingjoy

Yesterday I spent an hour talking with my counselor. There was a time in my life where I assumed I didn’t need help, didn’t need someone to listen, didn’t need clarity. And then, well, life happened. And in all of that happening came a whole bunch of residue that I find hard to identify or let go. Residue.

That’s what I told her it felt like – “a build up of residue that is weighing me down.”

We talked through stuff.

I shared how I have the hardest time letting go of things because then I fear it will happen to me again.

I shared how I end up trying to fix everything and that the projections of others – true or not true – stick.

I shared how I found it hard to write lately because I’ve been feeling so bogged down with life stuff and I was worried someone would say, “Isn’t this page about joy?” (Which has happened. More than once.)

I shared how I compare and measure myself with the success of others and that sometimes I feel like I fraud because I write about not comparing and there I was – comparing.

I shared how I have anger and hurt trapped deep inside – from others mislabeling me or judging me.

And then, then in a moment that surprised me, she asked me to think about what others might need for their healing journey. She had me specifically focus on several people and asked me to work on forgiving and sending peace and cutting my own cord to them – which dragged me down.

Friends, it was hard. It was hard to forgive, hard to let go, hard to not cling to the stuff.

The residue.

And then it hit me – the residue was distorting my view.

Imagine your windshield in the car full of spots and dirt and build up and you forget that you have the power to clean it. That was me. I forgot that it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility to clean that residue.

It was mine.

And by being stubborn, by thinking that looking at all of it was a badge of “look what I’ve dealt with” or whatever, it was only hurting me.

I dared.

I dared to forgive.
I dared to let go.
I dared to clean that residue from my spirit.

And today, today, I see a bit clearer.

Not perfectly – think how it isn’t just one swipe of the wipers to clean the glass – it takes work – that’s where I am. But the bit of clarity has reminded me of the power of joy.

Joy isn’t a given.
Joy isn’t easy.

Joy is in the willingness to look at one’s journey, one’s story, and to keep moving forward, keeping the vision clean, and letting go.

I hope this reminds you of the power you have in being willing to forgive, to let go and to stop giving the power to heal to others. I hope it encourages you to get help and talk to someone if you need to. I hope it encourages you to know that you are not alone in this journey. I hope it reminds me, even in this crazy busy that we tend to live in that you matter and make a difference.

You are brave.
You are enough.
You are worthy.

Turn your wipers on.

Love,
Rachel

Sometimes you don’t need someone to pat you on the back – you instead need someone to look you in the eyes and tell you that they believe in you but that you need to pull up your boot straps and fight.

Sometimes you don’t need someone to say “I’m praying for you” – you instead need someone to show up at your door with cleaning products in hand and walk in and help you out or bring you dinner or hold your hand during the hard things.

Sometimes you don’t need to hear that it’s just a season that you’re in right now – you instead need someone to love you where you are and to help you out of overwhelm and to believe in you when you doubt yourself.

Sometimes you don’t need cliche answers or a smile and wave – you instead need a friend. The friend who sticks her neck out for you, that puts herself on the line, that shows up no matter what.

Sometimes doing the hard thing is the right thing.

So with that.

I believe in you.

I believe that you are worth fighting for you.

I believe that you have to stop believing the “excuses” and “passes” that allow you to stay stuck.

I believe that in the midst of life and the crazy that you can find time for you.

Why?

Because you are worth it.

Did you hear that?

You are worth it.

And maybe you don’t hear that much in life so let me be the one to tell you how much you matter and how much your fight matters and your heart.

So pull up your bootstraps, look in the mirror, love you for you, and walk into the rest of your day with a bravery that is undeniable.

~Rachel

#findingjoy