She sat there.
Surrounded by friends.
Laughing.
Fellowship.
Warmth.
And yet, inside
she ached.
As the bread was passed around
lovely and golden
she thought.
She thought of her sweet boy
the little boy far away
home in Minnesota.
The boy she fought so hard for
the boy who once was so sick.
And she cried.
Thick, heavy tears
that she had worked so hard to keep inside
now welled up in her eyes
and slowly began rolling down her face.
He’d never be able to eat that bread.
The bread that her friends shared,
passing around in fellowship,
is a poison to his little body.
And so she wept.
Tears that she tried to hide for months
thinking that she’d just be strong
after all, she’d tell herself, it was only Celiac Disease.
She’d tell her self at least it wasn’t this or this or that.
Yet, his life would be different.
He wouldn’t be able to eat the bread.
And it hurt her heart.
So so so much.
She’s his momma
his protector
the one who keeps them safe
and there is nothing she can do
to make the Celiac Disease go away.
She’ll pray.
She’ll pray and pray and pray.
Then her friends, her sweet friends, with her in Pennsylavania
grabbed her in their arms.
And listened.
Just listened.
No pat answers
Just care.
Love.
And loved her even as the tears fell.
And loved her as she finally cried.
And loved her for just being real.
And loved her.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
Finally, on October 30, she wept for her son Samuel’s Celiac Disease diagnosis.
And that she was me.
I wept.
Finally.
31 comments
Love your sweet heart, Rachel. Thank you for sharing it and your beautiful boy today. (((HUGS))) and prayers.
*smile*
*hug*
Beautiful, beautiful post.
Love to you today. Love to Samuel.
xoxo
You’re a good mommy, Rachel. I’m so glad you got that “me” time to release some emotion & be real. God is good. ~Sally
Weeping with you…..this life is so hard…but, HE is bigger. His Plan…not ours…takes us on paths we may never understand…but, me, my friend…I weep with you! LOVE YOU!
I know what it is like to carry the heart of you child around with you when they face an uncertain future. What a release it is to let go and finally give expression to the deep loss. Whatever it looks like. Blessings to you my friend.
{{{hugs}}} oh yes. Hugs and prayers…and tears. And sistahs always.
Maggie *just recently come to grips with her own diagnosis and admitting to lost dreams.
Sending you a big fat hug from Florida.
{Lord, bring comfort and continued freedom to grieve.}
{hugs} and prayers…
I’m praying for you…
And sending you a hug in the mail. 🙂
Makay
wwwthebirdssay.blogspot.com
“At least it isn’t” doesn’t ever make the hurt less. We all have one of those, or more.
I know how you feel. My 17 year old son and 20 year old daughter have not been able to have any gluten or casein (milk protein) for virtually all of their lives. It only hurts every once in a while now.
No words to add…just prayers to offer…and a mother’s heartache shared…
that verse is just perfect. i love you and i wish i could give you a big hug. i’m so glad those gals loved on you. may the Lord bless you a hundredfold and may you see many unexpected blessings through samuel’s life.
Glad you found the freedom to grieve. Praying for continued grace, strength and comfort.
It was lovely to meet you at Relevant.
I love that verse: Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. I felt that way about my illness about a month ago…I was just in mourning. I felt guilty for being sad until I saw that verse. The Lord allows us to be sad, He allows us to mourn–and that alone brought joy to my heart. That not only is it okay to mourn, but while we do, He comforts us. It’s so important to do before coming to acceptance…I am so grateful you had a group of women who surrounded you with just what you needed in that moment.
Hugs sweet friend….xoxo
Beautiful post.
Beautiful … grace is beautiful even in grief. The difficult thanks, the horrific joy, the loss of dreams … hard, hard stuff but so much better when our arms are held up by friends.
Praying for you.
My hubby was diagnosed with celiac disease in April. (((HUGS)))
And the FAther is catching each of those tears in a bottle and weeps with you and yet is healing you as your face is awashed with tears! I am praying for complete healing! That is what would be in Heaven and we want Heaven right here for sweet Samuel! And for you! What a beautiful story you would able to share to make MUCH of our JESUS!!
Love this post! I was recently diagnosed with Celiac – it doesn’t seem like something that would cause such strong emotions, but I have shed my share of tears as well.
Love that little man! The Lord has a reason for allowing this to happen to him.
Still praying hard in Seattle!
Psalms 31:1-3 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me. For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.
Prayer Bears
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So thankful you felt the freedom to let go and allow God to love on you through those women. Praying for Samuel’s complete healing. God is able!
sosososo true. this brought tears to my eyes.
sosososo true. this brought tears to my eyes.
The healing that is taking place will also relieve much of the stress and fatigue from off of you. I believe God gave tears for a release. Love you.
It’s so hard to watch our children suffer… to know their life will be different and perhaps difficult. As a mother who has had children with illnesses, I know how grieved a heart can feel over such things. I’m glad you were able to cry. Getting it all out certainly does help… somehow.
Sounds like you had a great time at Relevant! I sure wish I could have gone back this year so I could have met you in real life. I really feel I missed something special in not getting to give you a hug. 🙂
Blessings to you friend.
Love,
Lynnette
Hugs! It’s so very hard. This autumn we realized our egg-allergy girl can’t have candy corn. Most of her Halloween candy is out too. It’s tough on the kids and tough on moms who have to be strong and vililgent.
Thank you for sharing your heart honestly. God bless you and your little boy… He knows.
Hi Sweetie…a reader of yours, Colleen, sent me to you. I was diagnosed w/ Celiac Disease in May and have been learning to navigate. My tiny granddaughter (Elliot) who has some symptoms of Celiac was tested last month, her tests came back negative but I hear a doctor speak (at a gluten-intolerance similar) and she said the tests on children may have to be repeated…anyhoo, just wanted to reach out to you and yours.
How is your boy doing?
xo
Robin
All Things Heart and Home