this is a continuation of the letter dear overwhelmed mom
Now, you don’t know where to start.
The list of to-do things is so long. You feel like you’re drowning in things to do – laundry, cooking, cleaning, cleaning some more, teaching, gardening, shopping, organizing, potty-training, character training, mopping, sorting, praying, trying not worry, housework and more – and it’s only nine in the morning. You look around and all you’re seeing is the work that must be done. Yesterday.
It’s zapping the joy out of life.
Everything becomes a chore.
Being a mother begins to feel like a chore – the joy fades.
The little one running around makes a mess – more work. The milk spills, the blocks are dumped out, the paper thrown off the table, the bikes left on the walk, the piece of bread on the floor, the cabinet doors broken, driving to classes, and crayon on the wall – work, work, work. And it falls on your shoulders. Overwhelming, really.
I know. I’ve muttered words about being overwhelmed and how no one cares that the laundry is spilling out of the laundry room and that I feel so alone. Remember what I wrote you several weeks ago? Remember?
You’re not alone.
But, dear overworked mom, here’s the deal – you and I can’t stay feeling overwhelmed. We could, but then things would just keep piling on more and more and more. And then, we’ll be sitting in an even worse case of overwhelm. And the laundry will spill up the stairs, and the crumbs will grow, and life will become a chore. We’ll become miserable. Grumbling about being a mom because we lost the joy in being a mom.
So do that one thing.
I know I’ve written that to you before, but it’s easy to forget when you’re in the midst of a spinning and racing and busy life. But, I’m going to tell you again, just do one simple thing. Maybe it’s a load of laundry. Cooking breakfast. Cleaning off your island. Reading a book to the toddler. Sitting down with your teenager. Driving to the store. Letting yourself laugh again. One thing plus one thing plus one thing will get things done. Stop judging yourself by what you think others think you should do or what you think they get done or how things should look.
Here’s the truth – no one has a life that looks like a pinterest board. No one has a life stays like the page in the magazine. No one, no mother, can go through life without having those days where the hair stands up straight and you’re ready for the next day in the morning and the to-do list has things listed on it that should have been done last week.
Real life is messy. The beauty isn’t in the perfection, but rather in seeing the beauty in the everyday. Ordinary. In things that the world dismisses as imperfect, but we as mothers can see them as perfect.
It’s time that we link arms, mothers. Enough comparing. Competing. Putting on the masks of perfection that are leading each other to overwhelm. It’s time that we encourage each other to do the next thing, to get up, to keep trying, to keep moving, to rest when needed, to have grace, to love, to not judge, to find the joy in mothering. It’s easy to live in that overwhelm place of life, but then life just races by.
Oh, mom, with the forever to-do list, and littles tugging at your feet, and middlers needing to get driven some where, and more – this is just life. Busy, crazy, messy, perfect life.
You can do it. You can do your one thing and then move to the next one thing. You can calm your heart and choose to life with intentionality in the midst of crazy. You can say no to things in life and yes to others. You can love boldly putting your family first. You can do it, dear overworked mom, you can. You can slow down, really.
You can find joy in the midst.
It’s in the little things – the everyday overworked things that we miss when we live in overwhelm.
You can do it. You can live awake, intentional, and aware. You can do it.
Stand up. Pick one thing. Do it well.
You can do it. I am linking arms with you.
****
this post is part of an ongoing series of letters to moms.
Other letters include – dear overwhelmed mom Dear Moms with Littles, Dear Tired Mom, Dear Mom of the Little Boy with Celiac Disease.
please click Subscribe to finding joy to receive daily updates.
30 comments
this reminds me of that post about balance… we try to balance it all and just remain overwhelmed. but if we focus on that one thing – like doing only what the Lord has asked of us for this day – life is better lived. gorgeous pictures, touching words, my dear!
Oh how I appreciate these posts! Its so great when moms let other moms know that they feel overwhelmed and overworked too! We have a hard, never-ending job! Its ok to feel those things… but we keep moving forward and keep loving and caring for our families!
Okay, I just stumbled on your blog via Pinterest (10 days of intentional parenting = exactly what I need!). Thank you for today’s post. This is exactly, EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Just do the thing the must be done next, do it joyously, and ignore the rest until it gets its turn.
And not being alone…. I need to remember that as well.
This morning I got up, having had only three hours of sleep the night before (I HATE INSOMNIA) and feeling miserable and overwhelmed.
BUT I sat down at my desk while the kids were playing happily, and made three phone calls that needed to be made, and you’re so right – just doing that one thing makes all the difference. It is going to be ok! 🙂 Thank you for the reminder!
“You can do it. You can live awake, intentional, and aware. You can do it.”
Love this line.
I must say I liked this blog because of the fact that lately I have lost a lot of joy in being a mother. Until Mother’s Day rolled around and my kids reminded me why it is so worth it for me to be their mother. We had a wonderful day of just going to church, playing Monopoly, and just enjoying each other’s company.
I am constantly feeling like my list never gets done, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that this house has NEVER had the chance to get MY touch to it completely because in the five years that I’ve lived here I’ve either been bedridden due to a pregnancy, working 80+ hours a week, or juggling so many things at once that there’s just not enough time in the day or funds to cover doing the things that I’d love to do to this house. I like having everything in it’s place, but that has yet to occur in this house. 🙁 All in due time, all in due time. Right now, I am enjoying being with my family and our crazy messed up household that truly looks “well lived in.”
lovely post!
It is soooooo much work, but without you have just erased all those loved ones that create it 🙂
I so needed this today. I have that never ending list and I walk around the house saying “Just do the next thing!” It does work.
I have really been enjoying all of your post. I found you during the 10 days series. I hope to take some time and read through your older posts. Thank you!
What a wonderful reminder…I just had one of those weekends when I burst into tears because I was so behind due to travel and an illness the little had. We can only do so much…why not enjoy the time we have together and try to include the kiddos on some “work” that needs to be done.
I am not a new mom, so I know this feeling all too well. Right now however it hits home especially..(no, I won’t bother you with it) but, to say thank you…I needed this today. (you have NO idea)
Love this post! I just came home from the library with my 2 year old, who insisted on yelling the whole time we were there. I felt that overwhelming feeling come over me as people stared at us. I came home to a messy house and then decided to check my email. Your post helped a lot. Thank you for your honesty an encouragement. Thank you for linking arms with me 🙂
This is all so very confusing… I am happy to read this. It makes me relax, take a breath… The confusing thing is that there are so many veins on this… I am with you! Your children are only little once! Enjoy them while you can!… even at the expense of chores put off! …But other people… Oh, other people… My pastor just preached on Sunday morning that a stay at home mom should have a spotless house and that if she does not that she is not doing her job right…. This is the same thing my 76 year old “church mom” believes too, and likes to remind me of often… Needless to say, I left church feeling defeated, like garbage that knew no matter how hard I tried I will never have a perfect house… or perfect kids… feeling like I will never be good enough… I don’t need to have an impossible goal set in front of me. I need attainable goals. My husband tells me often that my house looks nice. It does… It’s not spotless. It’s not perfect. It’s that lived in. There are toys on the floor. There is laundry to be folded. But my kids are happy, clean, and fed. My baby is smiling. My 3 year old is a cuddle-bug who loves to have fun, tinker with the piano, be read to, and say her ABCs and 1, 2, 3s. My 6 year old loves kisses, Math, reading, and to speak in Spanish. Does that really make me such a bad mom???? I think not… They are only little once… and that tine does not last long.
Thank you so much for posting this… I am having one of those days… Saturday is my big kids birthday party, my in-laws will be here tomorrow, yesterday I stepped on a toothpick that went into the ball of my foot 3/4 an inch… my foot is swollen and very painful… My three small children 5 and under are doing what they do best, making messes, and I can barely walk… Hubby is at work providing for us… I feel stuck, helpless, overwhelmed, and out of control… Thank you for the post. 🙂
I wish it wasn’t so hard. I am feeling like it’s just going to be this constant fight to get my head and attitude in the right spot so I’m not so impatient and not so naggy all day…constant until they are like all 6.
It seems there is so much to work on in myself, but so much to take care of with these littles that I cannot seem to get a start anywhere so I feel like I am drowning. I know in the blink of an eye they will be older and I will wonder where it went…but I don’t want to just close my eyes and hope these years don’t kill me. I want to be present and intentional, I just am not sure where to start somedays.
So…I will bookmark these and pour over them when I feel the waters rise and pray with every breath.
Bless you for writing this. We moms should all link arms.
Today I came across this news article… and it just makes me wonder if only the mom had an arm to link to…if things would have been different.
http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/state/brevard-county-deputies-believe-mother-killed-four-children-before-turning-gun-on-herself
Thank you for posting this, I really needed to see it today! We are trying to sell our house, and with a set of 11 month old twins, a three year old and a hubby that works, its hard to find the time to make the house “Perfect” just in case,,,
So…. taking a deep breath, and picking one thing to do very well, and then on to the next… just keep breathing, just keep breathing lol 🙂
I am in tears. Not because it is all overwelming and I cant do it. But because I felt alone in it. Now I dont. THank you:)
i NEEDED to hear this today!
I love coming here and reading your words. I feel relaxed and calm when I read them. It’s such a comfort to have you put into words what I feel. Thanks again for writing so beautifully and putting a smile on my face. 🙂
Yes, I can do that one thing. Today it’s following through on my word to ground my 9 year old but loving the hell out of him anyway. I’m going to sit in the garage with my hubby who is working on his car even though no dinner is being made. I’m going to write that last part of my chapter and I’m going to just thank God for all I have. It’s so much. I’m pretty darn lucky. Thanks for the nice blog.
Thank you for this. I so needed this today. I just don’t know where to start and have been feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. I have no right to complain as I have a great husband and a great kid. So thanks for this. It means a lot.
Where were you 40 years ago when I was rearing two little ones 19 months apart? Sure could have used your common sense perspective and encouragement.
And I just love that we can cry out to the Lord when we are at our “wits end” as it says several times in the Psalms & He will hear our desperation prayers. We may need Him to help us figure out just what should be the next thing to do! He is so good to help us when we ask! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
Know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers!
Isaiah 43:1-3a But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel…
My email address
Just like the Suzuki method – work on one thing at a time! But – I have learned the hard way – find the joy first!
Thank you for coming out to speak to the TEAM group. Even though I read your blog more or less regularly, so many other random thoughts and feelings were called to mind: the clarinet professor who told me, “You’re the best one here, but that’s not saying much.” The obituary in our local paper of a “Santa on a Harley” kind of guy who lived life outside the box, but was successful in inventing the liquid in which organ donations are kept. How to give my children grace instead of complaining about them and their bad habits, to their face and even to other adults.
Yikes. Mothering is a hard job, especially when carrying any baggage.
Thank you for all the work you put into Finding Joy!
Thank you so much for this post I really needed it the other day and it made me feel better and to do one task and no I had at least accomplished something. I also wrote a post on my blog in relation and linked back to yours. http://ecofamilylife.blogspot.ca/2012/05/am-i-mom-enough.html
Brought tears to my face. Thank you
You know, I’m going to be honest – I was tired when I was going through this stage with my kids;
the potty-training, sometimes boring, often physically exhausting stage. I was often lonely because
nap times didn’t fall at the right time, or my friends had kids just a little older, so they could move
just a little faster than we could. But, I also remember being so nourished and raised up by the
passion my kids lived with, and their silliness, and craziness. Now my kids are no longer so
little; we’re dealing with middle school issues: cell phones, Instagram, homework that threatens
to bury my daughter, and all of the challenges that school brings. I work full time as a teacher now,
because my kids are in school all day, so I should be able to manage that, right? I am more tired than
I have ever been before; I work all day, then come home and take care of my kids all afternoon and
evening, then go back to work to prep for the next day. Do I love being able to be the one to help my
kids with their homework, or the one to help my daughter with a middle school “crisis”? You bet I
do. But, sometimes I think I’ll never get another minute for myself, and I get really worn down.
Got any encouragement or tips for moms whose kids are a little older? It’s not just toddlers who can wear
you down!
Love this post! I just came home from the library with my 2 year old, who insisted on yelling the whole time we were there. I felt that overwhelming feeling come over me as people stared at us. I came home to a messy house and then decided to check my email. Your post helped a lot. Thank you for your honesty an encouragement. Thank you for linking arms with me 🙂
Madx me cry. This exactly what I need right now with a 3 year old and a 4 year old at home. Your words are so true, encouraging and empowering. Thank you!