It’s everyday. Right?
You get up, not on your own time, and you start giving from the beginning of the day until your weary head hits the pillow late at night. The list of all to do is longer than the hours in the day, and it feels as if you’re adding more to it than you are taking off. After a while, the days, well, the days start to blur together. Instead of going to bed feeling rewarding, fulfilled, and energized you go to bed wondering if you’ll have enough energy to make it through the next day of the same.
Mothering wasn’t supposed to be like this. Wasn’t it about sweet morning hugs, and gymboree clothes without stains, and organic waffles with berries in the morning? Even in the hard times wasn’t there a clean house, with trendy decor, a stocked pantry, and gourmet four cheese macaroni?
But, here you are, feeling stuck. Where did the creativity go? The energy? The joy? The love of those motherhood days that we dreamed about when we were young?
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You’re a good mom even on those feeling stuck in a rut days of motherhood. And, let me tell you, having a bad day, or feeling irritated, or without creativity, or stuck doesn’t mean that you’re not a good mom. We all go through those days when we just don’t want to do one more load of laundry and we tell everyone please don’t put anything in the hamper for at least 20 minutes and we’re tired of tacos for dinner and we just want the living room to stay clean for the morning. Having a day like that doesn’t mean that you’re not doing a great job.
We just get stuck in a rut.
Often we look at the big things to change the pattern. We think that if we had just a bit more money, or free time, or the latest book, or we lost weight, or we ate better, or started to run, or read the next and best parenting book that we might get out of this rut and be able to change our mindset. Who wants to live overwhelmed? We want to be happy, right? But, to me, happy is elusive. You can chase and chase and chase it – and it lasts just for a moment – and then it’s gone. And you’re left. Right where you started. Joy isn’t happy – joy is a posture of the heart that embraces the present in the ups and downs and seeks just a bit of gratitude in the everyday. Seek joy instead.
Having those days or feeling stuck in a rut – it’s okay. If there was such a thing as super mom even that mythical super mom would eventually get stuck in a rut. Moms, busy moms, start by taking a peek at your day. Chances are there are some things that feel overwhelming that are thus making the day overwhelming. Identify them. Choose one or two and change it up. Start with your children. Alter the routine – make pancakes for breakfast, go play in the backyard, pull out the crayons and color with them. Be engaged. Then look for one thing in your home – laundry? cooking? cleaning? emails? Work to change that one thing. Develop a system for laundry, or some new menus, or a strategy for email. But don’t sit in what you were doing.
You see, I’ve discovered that I could spend so much time sitting in the rut moments or the overwhelmed moments of life that I don’t move. So today, I want you to move. Be intentional – take five minutes and look at your day and what you can do to change it. The change comes from you – not the externals, but from you.
You can do it.
You are a mother with creativity, energy, and joy. Sometimes we lose it for a bit, but it’s there. When you go to bed tonight I want you to write down, mental note, write in lipstick on the mirror, email, facebook, but record at least three good things from today. Three things. That’s it. Work on your one thing to change, and then record three moments of good. Of joy. You’ll keep moving forward.
So dear mom who feels stuck, lets get moving and get out of that rut.
One step forward. One step.
Ready?
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this post is part of an ongoing series of letters to moms. Other letters include – dear mom with the little on crying in the store, dear am in enough momDear overworked mom, dear overwhelmed mom Dear Moms with Littles, Dear Tired Mom, Dear Mom of the Little Boy with Celiac Disease..
20 comments
I adore this. so so much.
With tears coming down my face, I say thank you for the encouragement for today. Thank you for writing what God put on your heart to write to encourage mommies. 🙂
I’m SO there! Love you girl! Lots of love…Liz from HHM 🙂
This is so helpful Rachel, thank you! I especially want to write down 3 things I am grateful for everyday, that is an awesome idea.
Thank you Rachel. You have reminded me that it all comes down to making the decision and doing it! Kids love to have the change in routine…doing fun things.
Beautiful post that spoke directly to me. Many thanks for this timely reminder!
I find the idea of looking for joy instead of happiness really smart & practical. Basically because looking constantly for a dreamy & unreal happiness can distract us from enjoying everyday’s little moments & make us feel disappointed.
Ps. Just discover your blog & it’s already a favorite.
“Then look for one thing in your home – laundry? cooking? cleaning? emails? Work to change that one thing. Develop a system for laundry, or some new menus, or a strategy for email. But don’t sit in what you were doing.”
Hmm. I appreciate the sentiment here and certainly agree with not wallowing in the rut. But I think it’s foolhardy to suggest that busy moms (or dads) just ned to be more organized or just need to come up with a better system for laundry or emails… It’s like you’re saying, “You just need to be BETTER at doing it all.” I’d argue the answer is to just LET IT GO. I ONLY do laundry on the weekends. I don’t look at work email after 5 p.m. or even answer my cell phone. I’d argue for better prioritization, not better organization. 🙂
*thank you
fantastic post and Thanks for sharing this info. It’s very helpful.
B&B in Jaipur
We have hope because of all Christ went through! Praying for you right now!!!
Isaiah 53:7-10: He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken. And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
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Oh, this is SOOO good! I think you speak to a lot of moms out there. I love what our Pastor says that happiness is based on “happenings.” But we can have Joy in the Lord regardless of what’s happening around us or our circumstances.
I always enjoy your thoughts, Rachel. Thank you for sharing!
When life brings too much crazy and exciting, I long for routine, mundane days. When I have too many run-of-the-mill days I think I need some excitement.
I like your word choice – intentional – I must choose, intentionally, to be content with each day I’m given.
Lovely words…
I don’t know if you have read any of my blog posts lately but man….I feel like you are speaking to me! Thank you! I am off to do just what you suggest. Hoping to get out of my rut.
Wonderful post, there is so much that goes into a home and a family and I agree that breaking it down into smaller pieces helps. I tend to do a little of everything which at the end of the day nothing is finished so for me it’s better to start and finish a task .
I am so glad I found your blog because of Joy Prouty with Wildflowers Photography via Instagram one day. God bless you, from one Christian mother to another. Motherhood holds so many blessings and challenges all wrapped together. I too face daily challenges raising three boys, one whom is on the severe end of autism.
Just wanted to say thank you. God is using you in a mighty way.
Thank you Rachel. You have reminded me that it all comes down to making the decision and doing it! Kids love to have the change in routine…doing fun things.
Love your ‘Dear Mum’ posts. I will be a regular visitor (I love how you write!).
Just what I needed to see. This past week hasn’t been the easiest, but I need to remember to look for the joy. It’s in my daughter’s laughter, the twinkle in her eye, and the moments alone with my husband.