Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
I wept in church today.
Tears of sadness.
Sorrow.
Reflection.
The reality of Samuel’s life is hitting me
washing over my heart in huge waves.
And right now, it hurts.
I see him struggling lately.
He must have got gluten somewhere.
His body rebelling over food.
Unable to absorb nutrients well.
Attacking itself.
I just want him to be well.
And another part wants him to eat what everyone else eats.
Birthday cakes, out to eat, wheat bread.
And he can’t.
Not now.
Not ever.
My heart mourns.
My friend, Amy, told me it was like running a
marathon.
Not a sprint.
Somehow the length escaped me.
The perseverance.
The determination.
The life commitment.
We’ve had a good month of Samuel feeling well.
It was inevitable that there’d be down times.
I had no idea how scared I’d get when they happened.
I see him weaker right now.
I see him tired.
Struggling a bit more.
I just want to fix him.
Completely.
Then I feel selfish.
He’s alive.
Celiac Disease is manageable.
What right do I have to complain?
To mourn?
And yet, I mourn.
Somehow, in mourning, there is healing
for my heart.
There is a release.
A realization of just how blessed I am.
Of the love of God.
And my heart cries out
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all it should be’
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
13 comments
such a hard thing trying to control something for someone else. i homeschool too! all 4. using the amblesideonline curriculum. you might like it.
i have heard recently of life being like a marathon. you have to train, you have to prepare and even then you will be surrounded by others who will help you continue, sometimes giving you nourishment and the prize at the end— joy, love, family making it all worth the work, dissapointment, and troubles.
I echo everything you said–I’m right there with you albeit more ahead in the marathon as it’s been years since we’ve started!
I love that song and have cried while I sang it, meaning every word–it always covers me with His peace.
Praying for you and sending hugs from afar!
Yes, you have a right to mourn, hurt for that baby of yours who hurts…you should be so proud of the mother you are to him. The Lord knows best…yes, there is a time to mourn, and yes, this is the time. Thank you Jesus we have him to comfort and get us thru. He is there over your sweet baby too.
No, he is your baby, mourn for his losses and not feeling well. As his mommy God has made you to want and ache for the best for your babies. He mourns with you because I don’t believe He intended for Samuel to be sick.
I’m praying for him! I think I’ve mentioned before that my littlest one is Samuel’s age, so I pray for him like I would my own!
I’m thankful for you that you figured out what it is that is making him unwell and pray for no more gluten to slip through!
Praying Grace and Peace over you and Samuel today!
It is so hard when it’s your child, and you feel like they are somehow missing out on something in life through their struggle. My sister has some sort of mysterious swelling in her throat that moves up and down her sternum. She’s been to several doctors, had more blood tests done, scans, biopsies, you name it and all her Dr. can tell her is that she is a “puzzle” and it just breaks my Mom’s heart…
Hang in there!
When peace like a river,
attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll…
There have been ups and downs, and there will be more up and downs, and it’s just as ok to experience every bit of the painful emotion of the lows as it is to experience the thrill of the highs… The Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and He’s right there will you, faithfully loving you all.
Praying for you sweet son and your sweet mother’s heart! (((hugs)))
It is so hard when you baby is hurting, be it a little bit or a lot. I remember the very first time my daughter hurt herself, she was 2 and a chair she was on flipped over and she split her chin open. I mourned for my baby that was perfect in every way was now scarred. Nothing serious or that time won’t heal but she wasn’t perfect in the physical way anymore. I mourned for that.
Praying for you dear and it does hurt. It makes me think about how much God mourns for us. If only we would listen to Him and do things His way we wouldn’t get hurt.
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I am so sorry about your pain and struggles. I want to console you… to let you know that somehow this is a blessing to you. I don’t know the how or why, but I do know God loves you and your son very much. I pray that you will recieve the encouragement, and inspirations you need to carry on with hope, faith, and happiness. I pray that you will soon be at peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” Then in verse 4 it says “A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” God has been teaching me lately that it is ok to not be ok all the time. Sometimes we just need to weep and mourn. A time of laughter and dancing will come, but right now it is a time for weeping and mourning. I will be praying for you and your family.
Kelly
amen and amen.
My heart hurts for you. When our children hurt, we hurt. But the Lord is close to the broken hearted. I am praying He draws close to you today, and to Samuel. I do not know why Samuel has to take this road, but the Lord will be with him every step of the way. Praying strength and much grace to you my dear friend.
You’re a mom! You don’t want your kids to have to go through trying times! It doesn’t help knowing that others have it worse. Samuel’s having problems and it hurts! But the Lord IS with you. He’s with Samuel. And He’s allowed this for reasons known only to Him but He WILL work through this!
Know that I’m here praying!
Psalm 73:23-26 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand. Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
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