to my friends, please don’t pretend.

Hey friends of mine. I need you to hear something.

I love you for you.

I’m asking you to not wear the masks, to not pretend, to be the real you with me. I love you for your fails and your triumphs. I really do. And I want you to not feel the need to be anything other than you with me. I know that can be risky, but life isn’t about being safe. It’s about authenticity, as cliche as it might sound, and you and me, together.

But to be strong, we can’t waste our time holding up masks trying to be something we simply are not.

I’m asking because I’ve pretended for so long. And it’s tiring, isn’t it? The masks and the illusions and the feeling like you need to have it all together when inside you’re falling apart. I so so get it. Going through my divorce was so painful and yet so freeing because in that moment I didn’t have the choice to be anything but real. There was no time for pretending then, it was just surviving.

And when I was real I realized that I actually liked the me I had thought was never enough.

I liked the quirks. The need for little make-up and the love of the times when I got dressed up. I loved my love of One Direction, even though it seemed like I was too old. I loved that I played piano. And that I laughed with my kids. I loved my boots I wore and that yoga pants always seemed to be my go-to item.

I learned to love the real me.

And that’s the kind of friend I want to be.

I know that it takes not just me but a whole bunch of us deciding to put down our masks in life. And that? That can be scary. Especially in a carefully curated and highlighted and filtered world that we live in. It’s hard to reflect the real us. What if we are rejected? Shunned? What will people think?

Do you know what I think when my friends are real?

Thank GOD she has the courage to be herself.

That’s what I think. I don’t have time for judging and comparing and measuring up. I just don’t. I want to be the friend that talks about the hard stuff but makes an agreement with her friends to not stay stuck in the hard stuff. I want to laugh and cry over our fails and cheer our pressing ons. I want to be your friend on all the days – the good days and the bad days and the days when you just need that shoulder for your head to lean on. I want to be your friend when your teens hate you and when your newborn drives you crazy tired.

Friendship is so important. I can’t do this life without my friends. Without you.

That’s what makes life wonderful.

Competition is suffocating.

So, dear friend, no pretending.

Be you. 

Life would be so boring if we all were perfect. What would we talk about at Starbucks? I like our wrinkles and journeys and struggles and triumphs. All of it.

And here’s a secret – when you are you you will give your kids the greatest gift – to see their mom live without the burdens of the masks and apologies for not “having it” all together. And honestly, what is this “it” we chase?

I love you for you, dear friend.

And I hope you do too.

Carry on sweet sister.

~Rachel

4 Responses to “to my friends, please don’t pretend.”

  1. March 10, 2018

    Lori Reply

    I love how you write, in a way that’s so relatable and real. Keep doing that. The world needs more authenticity.

  2. July 17, 2019

    Maria Gonzales Reply

    Thank you Rachel!!
    For being YOU!
    For helping ME to find, know, like and love ME!!
    Since finding you, I’ve learned so much about myself.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
    I’ve always tried to be the kind of friend I’ve wanted next to me; standing with me, shoulder to shoulder, supporting eachother, cheering eachother up or on, having eachothers back. Having that kind of friendship and truly knowing and believing in it is a priceless treasure!!

  3. July 18, 2019

    Rachel W Reply

    Thanks Rachel.
    You know the real deal about life. Your postings are validating

  4. July 18, 2019

    Anonymous Reply

    Good for you Rachel! Not many people can do this! I try, but lately I have to withdraw from people who think they are perfect and all that is theirs is perfect! I just can’t do the drama and judgement anymore! God is my judge and I know He loves me in all my failures and Victories!

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