I just said that title to a friend of mine today on the phone.
I told her that I never thought this would be my place in life.
My story.
I think I secretly wanted Hallmark.
Wait.
I know I wanted Hallmark.
I wanted the flowers on my birthday, the being the treasured one, the beautiful house with all of the perfect furniture, with kids who got to participate in what they wanted, a bank account where I didn’t go to bed fearful that the power would stay on, and just no crazy angst. I wanted some bubble gum and marshmallows and rainbows and glitter life that didn’t have the valleys and pits and mud puddles of reality.
Truthfully. That’s what I thought life should be if you’re good enough.
(No wonder I write so passionately about being enough.)
My life is so far from perfect it’s not surprising my site is named finding joy.
So some truth. Because, honestly, it is when one is raw and real and truthful that healing can begin. And in that place of exposing of one’s life does it allow others to feel the bravery to talk about their lives without hiding behind the cloak of fear, shame, or not feeling valued.
So I will finally be real.
I’m in the midst of a separation. I’m a single mom of seven kids. Some of my kids are angry at me. I work over sixty hours a week trying to make ends meet. I deal with people who simply don’t respect me and treat me like I’m nothing. I deal with people who tell me that people that treat me like nothing are no big deal. I’m tired. And oftentimes I want to put my head down on my table and cry and eat ice cream but most of the times the kids ate it so there’s none.
I don’t like to talk about it. Or write about it.
It’s embarrassment, really.
Somehow I wanted my life to be the exception. I wanted to be the one who was always loved, cared for, and important. I didn’t want to feel unimportant. I wanted holidays to be a certain way. I didn’t want stress. I didn’t want to go to bed every night with my head on the pillow and feel so utterly completely alone.
I know I’m not alone. I know I have friends. I know there are those who love me and will stand with me. I know that if I picked up the phone at any time someone would be right here for me. I know that.
But, in my house, most of the time it is just me. It is me in the morning and at lunch and at bedtime. There is no one across the table for me to smile at when the kids do something funny. There is no one to think of me on their way home and grab my favorite iced caramel macchiato (well, in the summer, as in the winter the only option is extra-hot). There is no help with bath times or when the kids are sick or any of that.
I am not complaining.
I am just telling you my reality because I know that there are some of you out there who are in the same spot. Maybe it’s not exactly the same. Maybe it’s because there’s extreme financial issues and you always thought you’d have enough (I’m there too — holy moly — is that stress). Maybe your child is sick. Or you’ve dealt with death. Or something I can’t even articulate.
Life so often doesn’t look anything like it was thought to look like.
Except, that you know, I think our picture of life has been distorted. Somehow the illusion that life can be beautiful if it is a certain way has been accepted and it has created this place for everyone else to live in ambiguity and purgatory of real life beauty as they stare at their life canvas. Somehow the idea that our lives look like Van Gogh’s swirls of craziness competes with the Monet’s that we thought life should be. And then, then, then it can be this sense of loss. This feeling like we’re not worth it. That life cannot be beautiful unless it is a certain way.
It’s not true.
I’ll tell you. I work harder than I ever thought one would work right now. I do because I love my kids and I believe in the message that I get to write every day. I believe in finding joy even when life is the antithesis of Hallmark.
Someone needs to stand up and say that Life is Beautiful even when it is messy.
So I will.
Life is beautiful.
My kids love me even when they tell me they hate me or that this is the worst day ever. They just do. I know it. My house may not be the trendiest, most beautiful, and awesome designer place, but it is my home. I’m getting some wrinkles and am so tired, but I have a body that is still living, moving, and has the ability to give. I have friends that stand by me and love me when I make the stupidest mistakes.
It’s hard to let go of what we thought would be the ideal dream of life.
But it’s in the letting go and acceptance of where one is that the joy can return.
Living for an ideal that simply cannot be strips the happiness right off of the heart. Living grateful for your today fills life with meaning that cannot always be explained.
So I choose to live.
To move forward, climb the next mountain, and to see beauty.
In my messy, not perfect, working hard, life.
Which, honestly, is probably where most of us would really be. We just need to share. To admit the truth. To love those no matter where they are. To support. To care. To not judge. And to be there for the other. To look at those whose lives are challenging not with pity but with admiration for their courage.
It’s not about about perfection.
It’s about loving. Caring. Giving.
That’s community. Life.
And ultimately – joy.
From me, in my broken but yet beautiful life, to you.
You are valued. Beautiful. Worth it. You contribute great value to this world.
Even if life isn’t what you thought it would be.
Carry on brave mother. Carry on.
~Rachel
edited to add: I wrote this post one year after my separation. It took me that long to admit and find the bravery about my life. But there is such freedom in letting go and dropping the masks – it creates space to heal. In the almost five years since I’ve found happiness, realized that Hallmark celebrates the wonderful moments and that is why we love it and have pursued a passion of bringing hope, healing and bravery to a generation of women. I wrote my book The Brave Art of Motherhood and in it I’ve detailed the steps to finding joy, confidence and self again. To get your copy: Amazon (link), Autographed (link) or Store (you must drive there….lol)
78 comments
Thanks for the real.
Your kids are kids. They will one day learn that love is more powerful than anger. But now. . . they’re kids. Thanks for being that brave mother. Life’s goodness depends on how you look at it.
Thanks. Your blog has been an encouragement, but more so now that I see it’s not “Hallmark” perfect. I needed this today. Praying for better days.
I am sorry that you are going through so much. (((Rachel)))
Your honesty and resolve is truly admirable.
Kids become adults, and then they understand. Hang in there!
Rachel, I thank you for the real, too. I know it must have been very difficult to put pen to paper and share your most vulnerable gut-wrenching feelings. Thank you for being such a blessing and for sharing yourself with us. I appreciate you and your very caring ways – and for being a brave mother.
Sending you a million blessings,
Mary
Rachel, your truth feels comforting to me today. Though I’ve come close, I haven’t yet said the whole of my truth, some of the reason for the stress leading to some depression for me lately. Stress that I honestly never thought I’d encounter in such a way. Hun and I are doing our best to work through it, look to brighter days, while somehow maintaining the best we can to and for Baby Boy. There’s guilt and regret that shadow my thoughts often and this is the first and only time I’ve felt real regret. I’m not always sure if I’m justified in feeling regret, but I know that too will work itself out in time.
Anyway, thanks for always having this space and always being truthful, open, comforting, and compassionate. 🙂
Thank you! I wrestle with so much of what you just wrote as a single Mom. You articulate it in a way that brings me to tears. Thank you and thanks to the universe for steering me towards your inspiring words.
I am so sorry you are going through this. And I can totally relate to the desire for Hallmark. The desire for perfect. Sometimes life is not what you pictured. But thank you for reminding me that it’s still beautiful.
When I don’t have the words to even understand how I’m feeling, your words are there for me and countless others. I’m so sorry for your struggle and will be wishing the best for you and your lovely family. Hugs!
Thank you. Thank you.
I too am coping with separation and single parenthood. I find myself sometimes with the song from Les Miserables running through my head ‘I thought my life would be so different from this hell I’m living…’ and then I always have to laugh. Because I am not poor and starving and trying to survive through the French revolution. I have three beautiful children who love me and who I love more than life itself. I have a strong body, a job that pays the bills and keeps food in the fridge and a roof over our heads…. I have what I need. Your posts are always beautiful and touching. I wish you peace and joy. Thank you for writing and sharing with us.
Oh, Rachel! I’m sorry for what you are going through, how tired you are, how hard this time is for you. But, I really admire your truth. I’m a long-time reader, but I’ve never commented before. But this post hit my heart in such a profound way that I feel like I NEED to comment. I’ve been there, Rachel. I am there, Rachel. I’m a single mom of a 4.5-year-old little boy. His father left us when he was 19 months old. I also work (more than) full-time at a professional-level job. Yes, I’m incredibly tired, more tired than I ever thought was possible. But even more than that, I can really relate to what you described about having no one there to glance at across the table or help with bath time or with sick children. All the responsibility falls on you, and that’s a lonely place to be even with the best of friends. Yes, there is embarassment. The embarassment that your life isn’t what you thought it would be. I never, ever imagined that I would be a single mother. I envisioned a traditional marriage, two loving partners and somebody to parent with. I certainly did not think I would be mothering alone. What I really want to say — I appreciate you sharing your truth with us. It makes me feel less alone. Because, sometimes, I think we hide from these unpleasant aspects of life, trying to portray perfection, like we can handle it all and have it altogether, maybe as some kind of ruse to protect ourselves from the real truth. Sending you all positive thoughts as you go through this difficult time. Please know that you are not alone, and this post has clearly communicated to me that I’m not alone (even though, so often I feel that way). Thank you!
Oh Rachel, I can’t imagine this post being easy to write. But THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for writing it. Life is NEVER what we thought it would be…and it takes a lot of grace to allow ourselves to be okay with that.
The path you are on right now is not the smoothest, but you will walk it with the grace and guidance of all those who love and support you. And remember: You are most DEFINITELY enough.
(((((Rachel)))))
You’re not alone. Your kids will one day look back and even if they never ever ever like it, they will understand. Kids will hate you, that’s just what they do while they’re figuring it out, Hallmark or not. My oldest daughter hates me regularly, and yet, when I glanced at her phone the other day, my name is the only one with all the hearts and thumbs up emoticons beside it. Wow.
We are dealing with some very challenging times, and when I was growing up I swore I would never ever ever have to. Yet, here I am.
I am sending you love and support, and even though you know that you have thousands of other parents who so appreciate you, I hope that you can also really feel the support in your heart. (((((Hugs)))))
I needed this. It’s hard to find encouragement when everywhere you look people are living their pinterest/facebook-perfect lives. My husband and I are going through some really big stuff right now, but are fighting our way back to each other. I am too embarrassed to admit our struggles to friends who seem to have everything together, but probably don’t. Thank you for having the courage to be real. Keep being brave and focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel.
I do not have the words to describe how much this post means to me today. In this moment. When my kids just left to spend the weekend with their dad and I’m home alone in a messy house, wondering how life got this way. Shipping my kids back and forth, praying they don’t miss me too much, yet also hoping they do. Thank you for sharing your heart and truth with us today. I am not alone. God makes all things beautiful and there is beauty in this. Life with mess. Thank you.
Oh, Rachel, you just blew my mind! You already touch so many lives with your writing, and now by sharing your personal story, you have revealed yet another way in which you can be an encouragement to others. You are more than enough. YOU ROCK!!!
BEAUTIFUL WORDS 😀 lovely, beautiful, articulate, intelligent, inspiring….. good for you brave woman!
damned hallmark and disney creating all those false realities…. “eff” them!!!! LOL 😉
Rachel,
Your transparency and willingness to be real is going to heal not only you, but those who are inspired by you. Walk tall, check that bank balance with ease and rest assured that you are loved by many and though physically alone in your home at times, you are never truly without support.
Blessings
Up until I was 30 I spent most of every day dreaming/wishing about how I would enjoy life one day when I got what I wanted – alternating with complaining that my life wasn’t what I’d expected.
Finally I realized I had to start embracing today and let go of all the ways I felt disappointed in myself, my failed marriage, my bad financial situation – all that.
Letting go brought me peace. I accepted ‘today’ for what it was and found a lot of joy in my daily life as a single mom raising my awesome son.
Once i stopped being miserable – I could see ways to actually improve my life and do something about it. I’m thankful for that… damned thankful!
You’re inspiring a lot of women with your open admissions – many admire you and may be surprised to hear that you’re life isn’t all awesome all the time – but they’ll also be inspired 🙂
I know you inspire me!
I love you Kelly. You are inspiring to me as well.
But more importantly. I consider you my friend. That means so much to me to call you my friend.
Thank you for your words. Especially the words about acceptance. I needed to hear those tonight.
rachel
Rachel,
Thank you for your words and more importantly, your authenticity. Being real is not embarrassing. Though struggle can be humbling, don’t ever be embarrassed of it. Your authenticity is what connects you to us, your readers. We share your struggle. We connect to your authenticity. Life is not about perfection… It’s about progress and thank you for connecting us “brave mothers” one post at a time. Here is something I recently wrote that I wanted to share with you… Be well.
http://www.nosleeptillbabybrooklyn.com/2014/04/apocalypse-now-aka-spring-break.html
You are right. Being real doesn’t mean being embarrassed. I don’t know why i had such a struggle with it. It just finally came to the point when not talking about the nitty gritty became exhausting. So I just really worked on being real. And knowing that somehow in my realness that it might open the doors for discussion and encouragement for others.
Rachel
Rachel…I had no idea. I’m so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.
My parents divorced when I was 7, and for a long time I was angry. But now, as an adult and a parent, I see what sacrifices my dad made for us (my dad had custody of my brother and me). Even though we didn’t have big birthday parties or toys that our friends had, we had food on the table every night and a warm, loving home. In all honesty, he has much more of my respect today than my mom does.
I hope this brings you a tiny bit of encouragement today. 🙂
Erin. It really does bring me encouragement. I appreciate your words, but more than that I appreciate you and your friendship and constant support. It feels like a lonely place many times, and it helps me to hear a bit about your story as well. Thank you, thank you.
Rachel
Thank you for your perspective Rachel. Whenever I take the time to read your posts, they hit it on the head for me. That’s very rare as most bloggers are so rosy that I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I’ve learned that some periods of life we have to walk through fire to get to the smoother road, but you are right – always there can be joy if we let it in. Prayers for blessings.
Thank you Laurie. I appreciate the prayers.
I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know this season of your life is beyond hard at times and it was equally as hard to write this post. Thank you for sharing so that us readers can do for you what you do for us – encourage, support, love and pray for you. You are worthy. You are amazing. You are loved
Thank you, Moriah. Tears of thanks.
Rachel, yet again your strength shines through. I have always admired that about you since 8th grade. Did/do you feel strong? Maybe not all the time I’m sure. None of us ever do. But such strength in being real. Sharing so openly. I can’t begin to imagine how hard you work. No pity. Just admiration. Praying for you. Peace. Joy. Happiness. Resolve. Patience. Strength. Understanding. Support. Iced Caramel Macchiato. You deserve nothing but the best. Thanks for your realness and truth in this world of Pinterest and fake. I think we can all be better people if we can be real and supportive with no pretences and judgments. ((((Hugs)))) to you dear Rachel.
Thank you, Angela.
Thank you.
I’m in the same spot, but with less kids 🙂 It makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one. The loneliness sucks, no doubt. But living with someone who was never fully there was a worse kind of lonely. Stay strong. For all of us.
i get it, Juli. I get it.
Rachel
Rachel –
I am sending you big giant hugs and an invisible iced caramel machiatto as it’s my favourite too! Though, sometimes I ask for extra caramel.
So much of your reality resonates wtih me and where I am right now.
I thank you for your honesty and your love for life. Thank you for real. Thank you for you.
There have been many times over the past 3 years of reading your blog, that I have been brought to tears or reminded to be thankful for what I do have. You have inspired me to find Joy in my everyday life and for that I am thankful.
I think this is perfect for today… and everyday 🙂
“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
― A.A. Milne
Thank you, Kristin. Sometimes I need the reminders as well. I appreciate you reaching out and blessing me with your encouragement, kindness, and simple words of friendship and truth.
Rachel
I’m right in the midst of ugly in my own family. Thanks for being real and for writing such encouraging words that I so desperately needed to read today. Life is beautiful…
I am sorry that you are in the middle of ugly as well. It can be very hard and very lonely. I know the lonely — I feel it often. I tell you, your comment simply blessed me tonight.
thank you.
Rachel
I want to encourage you because you have encouraged so many. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. God is faithful. He hasn’t moved an inch, He is with you. You can do it, because yes my friend you are enough!
Thank you, Sherrie. For real.
This is a beautiful post, I’m sure hard to write. But, so honest and true. I’m so sorry for your difficulties. I suspect most of us are surprised by how our lives have gone. I’m a caretaker for my folks, ages 91 and 94, and I have very hard days at times. I’ve had health issues I never even thought about. It’s disappointing. But maybe our expectation are not realistic. We’re expecting too much Hollywood. What gets me over the rough days is my faith. I find it helpful to remember that this life is temporary anyway. All our tears will be dried in the end. God is a good God, and he’s with use, even during the crap times. 🙂 Sending a prayer your way for peace of mind.
Yes. Yes. Thank you. I needed those reminders sometimes — and today was the day I needed to hear it most.
Rachel
I couldn’t read this through the tears. Here, I thought your life was perfect, You were a big blogger like i wanted to be and had everything. What a great reminder that what we see in people on the outside may not reflect what is actually going on at all. Thank you for being real and reminding me that amongst the imperfections of my life,, I am blessed.
Give the kids grace. They still love you . They just don’t know how to show it. Praying for your family!
Thank you for sharing the truth. I’ve received your posts in my inbox for about 2 years now and honestly many times I’d roll my eyes and think that you could talk about all the joy in the world and never relate to a single mom (I have 6 amazing children that I share with my ex). With this post, I see I was being judgmental but also see that there really is someone out there that can be crazy in love with their kids, make it all work somehow, and still do it somewhat “alone”. Your honesty has made me respect and love your writing even more than I have in the past. I’m sorry that you have to go through the sorrow of a separation, but know that you have many followers that have done it before you and have their heads high and still are ‘finding joy’ in their babies. Thank you for writing the encouragement and thank you for the honesty.
It would be nice to feel like “I’m enough”. At 53 yrs, Guess not
I just recently started reading your blog, and like many others that have commented before me, I just wanted to say thank you! I am going through a similar situation, and am a mom of eleven beautiful children. Your words have been very encouraging! Take care and God Bless!
How timely and how true. Can I be real? I don’t think I can get to that place of accepting the mess, the loss of dreams and hopes. I am drowning in sorrow and I feel helpless. I need to let go, yet I fight to hang on.
Rachel, I read this post today through a link on your FB page. It was exactly what I was praying for this morning when I woke up crying and searching for the mistakes that I’ve made that has led my life to the place I am now. I tried to live my life by all the “rules” and yet at 28 became discouraged and married someone who did not share my faith. I feel I pay the price for that decision every day. Your post made me realize that I cannot live with that as my focus. I feel the Lord sent this message directly to me… I have to stop focusing on what I did wrong to get here and start living life to the fullest trusting Him to use my life even as it is from this point forward. No more tears for mistakes made in the past. Time to find joy in this day regardless of less than ideal circumstances. Thank you! You’re letters have been such a gift to me!
This is beautiful and I am so glad you shared it with me. Thank you for reminding me that my life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. I need those reminders more often. I want to be there in your living room right now giving you the world’s biggest hug and tell you that you are an amazing mother and you are doing the best job!
I write a blog called Choose Happy and try to choose happy every single day, even though some days it is just hard.
Hugs & love
Becky
I completely understand! Here I sit, nearly 50 years old, graduated with my Bachelor’s degree last year, class Valedictorian and still without a job. But there are so many other positives. Sometimes we define ourselves by what makes us insecure but we don’t look at how strong we are. You are showing your kids the strength of being proactive and finding happiness within yourself and your own independence, they will understand one day. Hang in there.
I have just recently found “Finding Joy” and it has been so uplifting for me! Thank you.
This article has really hit home. My canvas has been damaged as well. Going through divorce due to my husbands adulterous affair which has been compounded by his position in the church. 20 years of marriage and most of those years spent as a stay at home mother. How do you repaint that canvas? How can I possibly be enough for my girls?
I so appreciated your honestly in this post.
Amen! You write beautifully!
Have you read any of Angela Thomas’ books? I highly recommend them. I’ve felt what you feel… so often. I recommend “A Beautiful Offering” and “Do you Think I’m Beautiful?”
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I think my angel(s) presented this to me today as it is exactly what I needed to hear! Love you and bless you! I am in a dark space currently, looking for a path out.
Thank you!!! You write so truthfully, uncensored and inspiring. Thank you as I am reminded every day to be happy as is. Im sorry for what are going through. Just know that you make a difference and im sure your kids will appreciate everything you do soon enough.
Boy, did i need this today. Thank you.
I see that you wrote this last year, and I truly hope things are getting easier for you. I need to believe they will, because I’m in the position of wondering how my life got here too! I know there is beauty in all I still have around me, but today, as I put away my favorite picture of my deceased dad because my soon-to-be-ex-husband is in it (and I can’t look at him without my heart breaking all over again), I feel such a sense of unfairness and loss that I know I really needed to read your words. Thanks for writing them.
Sending blessings and kind thoughts to you, Tiffany. Thank you for thinking of me. Yes, yes, it is better for sure. life is a lesson of learning lessons, i believe.
Rachel
I really needed to read this today, especially that last sentence. I am happily married with 2 children, and 3 nieces that we took in. Lately, I feel like I am a maid and a door mat. I exploded earlier today and said it has to stop, but I have no idea how to feel like I’m in control of 5 children lately. I pray for you, Rachel. Hopefully we both will get it together in this messy, yet beautiful life.
This is exact the article i was hoping to read today.How encouraging!I really admire your strength on this situation Rachel.You are not alone,i went through a nasty separation when i had a 22 month old baby and pregnant with twins at the same time back in 2011.But hey,here I am now,the twins are 3.5 yrs and their brother is 6yrs.Kids do grow and before we know it,they’ll be leaving our homes.Let’s enjoy their presence right now.Let us be loving and caring mothers.Don’t give up.If u need someone to talk to u may as well contact me via my email.Matter of fact i need to talk too as sometimes i feel overwhelmed and tired.God bless and strengthen all single mothers out there.
it broke my freakin’ heart when i first read you were going through a divorce. i’ve been on my own for over three years now and it was so hard to take that step and i spent two years in almost a state of denial; wishing he would give me the hallmark ending i’d hoped for. but he didn’t. and he won’t. and actually? it’s not his responsibility to do that. i get to create my own ending now with the Lord’s help and now i realize the value of grace and empathy and self-love. lots of things!
i pray that you will continue to treasure this life you’ve been given. wish i could give you a hug. that’s what i came to miss the most. but guess what? i got a hug about six months ago now that made those three years of pain almost fade away.
if you continue to love your kids, you’re doing all you can do. i know my son will spew venom at me occasionally and may even hate me for a time, but he’ll understand when he’s older that being in a healthy environment is far superior to something damaging that teaches all the wrong things about what love is.
hang in there, friend.
This is such great timing! God knew this was important for me to read and get real with the reality of things. Thank you for writing my feelings for me. Though it’s hard to accept this is it, I’m going to to just that and try my damdest to be happy in my circumstances. Thank you and I wish you all the best!!!
The book, “The Road Less Travelled” (M.Scott Peck) begins ‘Life is difficult.’ Its a good book, and I think there is no truer statement.
What helps me thru dark days (weeks, months…) is counting my blessings, like you do. And knowing that everything is temporary and will pass.
I think of my life as one big learning curve, usually the ‘what not to do’ kind of learning 🙂
I love your blog, keeping it real, meeting us know that there are others out there, that do not have it all together.
And breathe… Lol…xx
I cannot BEGIN to say how this fits me right now. Currently I’m living with parents after a divorce and having to go back to school since I can’t support my kids on the income I currently make. But at this time it also gives me a chance to improve on my life.
Thank you! You always seem to be led to say exactly what I need to hear.
Thank you for this post. I am in that place right now. My divorce is nearly final. I am so ready to be done and move on, yet there is a part of me that doesn’t. I know it is the right thing to do. Yet, it is not what I wanted for my and my children’s future. My world has ripped apart and turned upside down in the past 1 1/2 years. I know God is with me and faithful. It’s just the living this life where I am right now. I am hopeful for the future. I try to look to the blessings I have right now. Finding joy is right!
This is so perfectly, authentically, and eloquently stated. I too am living the reality as opposed to the planned…and learning to love what is. There is a whole tribe of us. God bless.
I enjoyed your heartfelt essay, but life still really isn’t worth living most of the time. Sorry.
Thank you for this article! It popped up on my fb feed at the exact moment I needed to see it (no coincidence). I am about to be single mom of 6 with a husband who cheated and serious financial problems. I’m just beginning to climb my mountain but I know it is worth the climb. I plan to “carry on” as best I can!
So well written, so true me me.and many. I wonder where we all get the hallmark dream from, fairytales? I don’t know…
But yes, appreciate everything we have, not the lack off.
I worry about money, the kids, being lonely etc etc.
But we have food to eat and power and our health and I love my kids so so much.
The rest will come. Always have hope. Never let it go xxx
This is a few years old, I know, and my response may never be seen, and I realize. But today, today is the day I needed this, the day where I feel sad about my life, where it is, what I have, and how I can’t seem to just make anyone happy, or just give enough, nothing ever seems to be right when I do it.
But, I guess that’s what life is, nothing will ever go according to plan, but when it does, you sit back, and admire the one time everything fell into place.
But, I can make a better future, I am sure of it. I just need to know what my first step needs to be.
Thank you for this. I’m not sure how to let go of Hallmark but it’s not reality. I need to get to basic happiness.
Thank you for being so willing to share your heart, Rachel! None of us have a Hallmark life – one of the reasons I don’t send out Christmas letters anymore. It was too hard to write my Christmas letter knowing that our family was in pieces and the people who really knew us, were in the fire with us. Just know, that we love you, we support you, and definitely keep sharing your reality. So many benefit from your amazing words that God gives you on a daily basis! Hugs!!!
I’m having a meltdown again tonight. My husband and I have been separated for 4 months now and just went to our first counseling session yesterday. We have to decide if we want to work on us 100%. I do, but he doesn’t know. But I’ve also come to the conclusion, I will never be enough for him. That’s a sad, hard truth. I really enjoyed this article as I do many others!
Thank you for this…I am going through it right now…and some days I feel like giving up. I sometimes forget everything I do have to be grateful for. It is definitely easier to focus on what is wrong or not what we wanted/expected….it’s breaking that mindset that is a challenge and when people are real, I feel it’s easier to break it. So thank you for this beautiful message.
And what if we don’t feel worth it? What if we really are alone and have just kids to remind us why we are pushing so hard through each day but ultimately we really are alone?
Thank you for writing this. Right there with you.
This is beautiful! Thank you for making me feel better after reading this. I always get angry because life didnt go the way the world defines a happy life but now I will let go and find beauty around me. THANK YOU!
I was a divorced mother of two for twelve years. I worked full time to make ends meet yet always found a way somehow. Sometimes I sold my jewelry to help pay the bills. I refused to give up. And I held my head high with dignity knowing that I was doing my best.
Yet it is hard to feel like you are on the outside looking into to others lives who appear to have so much. And that is often when the pain is exemplified. Others have a husband to talk to at night. Others appear to have the help when the heater breaks down or the garbage needs going out. Others have parents who can come cook a meal or someone to call when we are feeling low. Others have beautiful homes and beautiful furniture. Comparing to others is painful….it just makes us feel less than.
It surprises me how few people pick up a phone and ask: How are you doing? No, how are you really doing? Is there anything that I can do to help? To have someone offer kindness to others when they are struggling is a priceless gift.
You have amazing perspective….and from one divorced, single Mom to another, always hold your head high and proud with what you are doing to keep life working for you and your family. I applaud your courage and vulnerability as you share your story with the world.
Thank you so very much.