the motherhood days we don’t talk about that much but we should

Please Note (11/20/14): Facebook has decided that this post is spam and has blocked it from being shared. Please, if you like it consider sharing it via pinterest, twitter, stumble upon, or email. And please support me by reading this post -> When Facebook Decided Motherhood Was Spam and sharing it with as many as possible. Thank you. ~Rachel

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To read the post republished please visit -> The Motherhood Days We Don’t Talk About That Much But We Should

The other day I stood in my closet and I just screamed.

It was a scream of frustration. Of feeling lost and unimportant. Of fighting, fighting, fighting and never feeling like I measured up. Of feeling overwhelmed. Of not wanting do one more thing and yet knowing that the to-do list had a dozen one more things to do. Of being tired of dealing with fighting over boys that decided today was the day to irritate every one of their brothers. Of my phone dinging.

Of me feeling alone.

I wasn’t going to write about it.

After all, I had just returned from Pittsburgh where I stood in front of a room of women, of moms, where I told them that they are enough and that they can do this and that I believe in them. And here I was.

Broken.

I wasn’t going to share that I got to that point in my day where I just had enough.

But we don’t talk about those days as moms.

Let me rephrase that – we don’t share about those days that much. We live in a world of edited disclosure of life. We live in a world where Pinterest tells us that there are 52 Easy Crock Pot Meals that we can make (insert guilt for the cold cereal we served last night) and 119 Cleaning Hacks Using Vinegar so That We Don’t Have to Use Chemicals (insert guilt for the Lysol below the sink) and 13 Reasons Why Motherhood is the Best (insert guilt for the times when it certainly doesn’t feel that way) and 44 Handmade Christmas Gifts for Kids (insert guilt because we don’t have time or money to do this but now we think we should).

We live with Facebook status updates with friends outside of DisneyWorld (insert guilt for never taking the kids to Disney World) with the words we are so blessed that make us sit there wondering why some are blessed and others are not.

We live with options options options options – so much that it can make our heads spin and hurt.  And then, instead of loving who we are as moms, the options have this crazy superpower to allow us to question almost every decision because inevitably it’s not the right one and we become more frozen in fear and indecision than my kids toys which were left outside and are now frozen in piles of snow (insert guilt for not getting everything put away and following the 8 Easy Steps for Fall Cleanup Post that is out there).

There are articles endorsing this parenting method and another slamming it to pieces. There are those adamant about the evils of vaccines and those adamant about the evils of not vaccinating. There are worries about GMOS, plastics, artificial sweeteners, over scheduled kids, under scheduled kids, and influenza. There are pressures to have our kids in sports at three and speaking languages at four and attending science classes at five and being in advanced reading at six and being on the honor roll at seven and doing leadership training at eight and on and on. There are voices endorsing only breastfeeding and then those talking about bottle feeding and then those talking about co-parenting and then this type of labor method and this type of parenting style and this type of family and marriage and what is best and I could go on and on but I try to keep these posts to a certain number of words.

And then there is us.

The mom.

With a world of expectations that we must sift and wade through and decide if it’s really important even though the world and everyone is screaming at us that this is the only way even though none of the only ways ever match with another.

We make a decision and then come across 18 ways why it’s not the right thing.

So we doubt. We read. We try.

We feel like we don’t measure up. We buy the coffee from the neighbor kid for the fundraiser because we feel like we need to do that but then it makes our budget tighter and we didn’t feel like we could say no.

And sometimes, sometimes we just want to be loved and to feel like our contribution to this crazy thing called life is making a difference. And when we don’t or when the expectations press down on us like a ton of bricks and when we’re constantly feeling like we’re dropping the ball or when we’re simply simply simply tired we get to that point that I was at on Sunday night.

Overwhelmed.

I think that somehow we forget that we’re only human.

Somehow motherhood became this expectation of greatness and awesomeness and there are so many of us out there that are running so hard to just keep up that we’re out of breath and we don’t even have time to sit on the sidelines and catch our breath.  And we don’t give ourselves grace to have those moments where we stumble and fall down and cry tears of exhausting and sadness and feel the emotion of life and not rationalize it with the logic of life that will tell us that we’ll be okay.

When I’m at that point I don’t want to be called supermom.

I just want to be told it’s okay.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. It’s okay to feel super frustrated at your kids. It’s okay to be angry that your life isn’t where you want it. It’s okay to feel worried about money. It’s okay to feel like you’re not getting everything done. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to feel like you’re doing it all and you’re tired. It’s okay.

It’s okay to be real.

For real.

I think that’s the part that we don’t talk about too much.

I think social media allows us as women to like a status and to move on. It lets us pin things adding to a list of things that we never got done. It allows us to read quotes that are inspiring but doesn’t often allow us the space to feel.

Feeling isn’t a bad thing.

We weren’t designed to be without emotions and thus always perfect.

Because the truth is – I didn’t stay there. I had my moment of overwhelm. A bad day. Or just a bad hour. And then I moved on. Did the next thing. Put the boys to bed. Said I was sorry for being curt and crabby. Felt some guilt over not always being strong but then realized that there is not ever one Pinterest Pin out there that says 21 Ways Mothers Should Always Be Strong.

You know why?

Because deep down we all know that there are moments where we just need to be told you’ll be okay and that you will get through and that you matter. Motherhood is not ever ever ever about perfection.

It’s about starting again.

It’s about sifting through the barrage of social media expectations and knowing that even if you never ever ever did one more thing on any of those lists that you are still an awesome mom.  It’s about looking at the mom next to you and loving her in her brokenness and encouraging her to keep going.

It’s about believing in each other and admitting that sometimes raising kids isn’t always sunshine, rainbows, and glitter.

It’s about not sitting in the weakness moments but having the courage and the bravery to try again.

Even if it means coming out of your room and gathering your boys together and looking them in the eyes and telling them I love you so much. So so so much. And I love being your mom even when I get tired. I know. Because I did that.

So dear mom reading this raw and real and vulnerable words of mine I want you to know two things. One, there is no expectation placed on you to be supermom. Just be you. Try your best. Love your kids. Give yourself grace. And see the amazing things that you do in life. Two, you will be okay. Your kids will be okay. And it’s okay to have days where you’re overwhelmed. It’s okay.

Because the bottom line is this -> You matter.

On the Good days. The bad days.  The normal days.

That’s the real truth.

So gather your resolve. Look at yourself in the mirror and see you for not everywhere where you could list you didn’t think you measured up but rather start to see the truth.

You are strong. Powerful.

And human.

~Rachel

read -> Why Being a Mom is Enough

For more reminders about why motherhood matters check out my my dear mom letter ebook – it’s full of letters reminding you why you matter and why you’re not failing and honestly, why mothers are absolutely amazing.

I’d love to have you join our community of real moms on facebook and receive daily you can do it encouragement.

Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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66 Responses to “the motherhood days we don’t talk about that much but we should”

  1. November 18, 2014

    Stacey Reply

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed this. I have come to learn to NOT read the posts/pins/articles about how we as mothers are going around at parenting all wrong. I have enough guilt trips as it is, like snapping at my boys for seemingly little things (you know, like them not putting their shoes up where they belong and me spending the last five minutes before we have to go to school finding them). I am not a perfect mom, I don’t pretend to be. I have shared my struggles of parenting a child with sensory processing disorder (which is a real disorder and oh so hard for him, and me, to cope with some days), but I don’t share all my struggles. Lately, I have felt like I no longer fit in at a certain place. I cried myself to sleep about it Sunday night and cried almost all day Monday. I’m like, great, I’m a failure at being a parent and at fitting in too. Can I mess up anything else? And then, well, then a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you” from the kids (and understanding from my husband) makes me realize maybe I’m not so bad after all.

    • November 20, 2014

      Maggie Reply

      Dear Stacey,
      I read this blog and appreciated Rachel’s words, very encouraging! Then I read your comment and I knew I had to reply. I too have a daughter with sensory processing disorder and so I feel your words and understand totally! I cry myself many nights and sometimes days alone in my closet also feeling like I’m not doing this parenting thing right especially to meet her many needs. You are right we do not fit in with the population that has more “typical” kids. But know you are not alone, find another parent of a child with special needs, maybe through a therapy (OT) provider if you’ve ever taken your child to one? Or through “Sensoryplanet.com” or other websites like it. I get encouraged when I read there are others out there like me.

      • August 14, 2015

        Annie Reply

        I am a mother of an 8 year old with SPD. Oh, the days are long, and lately, have been very hard! I’m sitting here with a cold and a very messy house. My husband works and does online school full time. I’m overwhelmed, don’t know where to start, and frustrated! So here I sit, reading blogs instead of doing anything about it. Simply because, I just don’t have the energy.

  2. November 18, 2014

    Tika Buchanan Reply

    “Because deep down we all know that there are moments where we just need to be told you’ll be okay and that you will get through and that you matter. Motherhood is not ever ever ever about perfection.” Thank you so much for sharing. Your words spoke to my heart today. Going to share this post with all my mommy friends.

  3. November 18, 2014

    Sam Reply

    Hi there, just saw this on facebook. What a good read! I had and still have many days like this. Well done for speaking the truth that so many Moms are living every day and thank you!

  4. November 18, 2014

    Jennifer Reply

    You are loved Rachel. You are not alone. Believe it.

  5. November 18, 2014

    Jane H Reply

    Oh Rachel, I needed this today. I’m a grandma….not a young mom. I am blessed with smart, beautiful, wonderful grandchildren who really love me and you know I love them. But yesterday, I started comparing myself to other grandmas….to the ones who can run, get down on the floor, crawl around, jump up and down with their kiddos. I thought, “I would be my kiddos would love that kind of grandma much better than the one they have.” And the old negative thoughts came creeping in….all my failures, my shortcomings, the times I’ve really blown it. And then my 4 year old grandson came home (he and his mom live with us) and he climbed on my lap and we watched “construction” on youtube….a special activity just for us and he snuggled in and kissed me. Our kids, our grandkids, they want us…not someone that WE think is better….just us, we are enough. I love the kind of mom you are and I know your kids do too. You are the perfect mom for them. And then I read about your school conference and I thought, I bet any problems MY grandkids have in school is because I wasn’t a good mom to their parents. See, you could do it until the day you die and I’m not going to….there are bad moments and they hurt, but there are exquisite moments that I hold close to my heart and cherish. Much love to you and your beautiful family.

  6. November 18, 2014

    Mary Reply

    Thanks for this post, Rachel. One of the hardest things I found as a young Mom was when to say “yes” and when to say “no” to our kids. There was always that peer pressure of other parents who were more generous about saying “yes” than I was. Especially when the kids got to be teens and were learning to drive and be more independent. It was a balancing act between having trust in them and being wise about what could happen if you say yes. Oh my, it was an unpopular thing to say no. It was not easy to be a strong mom. There simply is not a template for being a great mom. It’s an ever changing fleeting thing but the desire in my heart was always there, and of course, always will be. Thank you again for this sincere post.

  7. November 18, 2014

    Nicole Reply

    It’s ok to feel that way! I do A LOT. Thank you for all the inspiration you give us!

  8. November 18, 2014

    April Reply

    Thank you so much for this! This was my day Sunday! I, like one lady above, have a son (5yrs) with Aspergers and SPD. He currently has bronchitis which makes everything 10 times worse. Sunday was a day of tantrums, sensory overload, and exhaustion. I also have 2 other sons (10 yrs and 16 mths). The little ones naps kept getting interrupted by the tantrums, so he was also having tantrums. It was just a bad day all around. But my hubby is awesome and he did his best to help where he could. He cleaned the whole kitchen for me and then went to Wendy’s and bought supper for us all. And best of all, I serve an awesome God! He got us through that day, and gave us a fantabulous day to follow. He has given me these kids because I am the best Mom for them. It’s hard to remember that some days, but others…well, my cup runneth over! I love your blog! Blessings to you and your family! <3

  9. November 18, 2014

    Leanne Reply

    I can’t even tell you how much your blog posts are a constant blessing to me. I read them and think to myself ‘Oh thank goodness… someone gets it.’ You are doing important, important work here. Thanks.

  10. November 18, 2014

    Dana Reply

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your article brought me to tears.
    Sincerely,
    Mom of three amazing boys

  11. November 19, 2014

    Jenn Braden Reply

    Thank you for sharing such a personal issue. I felt like you were reading my heart, and I really needed this today – bless you for your gift of encouragement. This came at a really, really good time. God is good!

  12. November 19, 2014

    Annette Reply

    Good, thank you. Yes, it’s okay to feel anything, everything, it’s okay to make mistakes, struggle, do things differently, and make our own choices. To say no to some people. It’s okay to relax. We’re allowed to rest, regularly. We’ll always be ‘not good enough’ for someone anyway so why knock ourselves out trying. Women are not machines, we’re humans and thank God for that. If we can say, ‘thank you Lord for making me exactly the way I am’ then we’re one step closer to being better to ourselves and for our children.

  13. November 19, 2014

    Mairi Reply

    This is great, just great! It’s amazing how out of discouragement and frustration can come so much encouragement to keep going. Knowing we’re not alone is such a salve to a weary soul. Thanks for being so open. x

  14. November 19, 2014

    Lynn Marie Reply

    I loved every word, emotion, and heartfelt thought of this post about motherhood. Even though I am a Grandma now, I still think back to those days when my children were home and am amazed that I made it through. But I did, and so will you and every other mom that reads this. I still think that I could have done things better and probably could have but I am only human and was tired and frustrated at times too, just like you. We tend to compare ourselves to other moms ( who by the way, we usually only see at their best. Not when they are in the closet screaming in frustration)but you know what? Our kids only have one mom. They think we are the best mom because we are their mom and we need to remember that. They already think that you can save the world because they watch you do it every day for them in their own little world.

  15. November 19, 2014

    Julie Baker Reply

    This article made me cry (my kids are now 17 and 19) – one of them is in college away from home and even a short “miss you” text from me is critiqued with an eye roll on his end (I’m told this, too, shall pass). For all times I lost my mind (talk-show worthy)about the dirty dishes and his messy room – now I sit in his empty room and cry. And to top this all off, my daughter’s about to walk out the same door. And yes – I’m a high school teacher – so even if I’m not feeling “useless and unvalued” by the kids that came out of me, sometimes the kids that come through me are even more taxing (parents who actually didn’t care to pay attention to them now feel it’s my job to do theirs as well as my own). This article is brilliantly articulated … we don’t say enough how much we’ve had enough. Apparently we’re never enough but there’s always a “pin” to remind us when we can be … someday. Love your authenticity – your kids are SO unbelievably lucky to have a “feeling” mom like you.

  16. November 19, 2014

    Deborah Reply

    So great to see you at Mom Con. And to read this a few days later. Yeah, we Moms can crash and burn with the best of em, but we still can pick ourselves up. Over and over again. That’s what I love the most about your writing, Rachel. Thank you.
    Deborah

  17. November 19, 2014

    Kate Reply

    Thank you for sharing !!!! Simply amazing

  18. November 19, 2014

    Tracy Gibb Reply

    I cried while reading this. This is completely how I felt this week and on the outside I have it all together. Thanks so much for sharing.

  19. November 19, 2014

    Alicia Boutilier Reply

    This was a beautiful read. Thank you so much.

  20. November 19, 2014

    Tilley Reply

    Brilliant post. Thank you so much for putting this out there. I feel like this more often than I care to admit. I know I’m not alone in feeling like this, but it’s nice to see it put into words so elegantly. Thank you.

  21. November 19, 2014

    Alethea Reply

    Annnnd I’m crying. literally. This was me today. right now. I feel so lost and like such a failure. My 2.5 year old and 9month old who I love so so so deeply, brought me to the point of screaming today just for acting their ages. And my normal reset button – nap time- was taken from all of us. I went on facebook in an attempt to just space out and get away a bit and saw your article. It’s like you wrote everything that is going through my head. thank you from the depths of my exhausted heart.

  22. November 19, 2014

    Hazel Reply

    I needed this. i think, we all needed this, we just didn’t have time to realize we did.

    thank you for putting it more eloquently for us.

  23. November 19, 2014

    Hazel Reply

    and to add to that, I wish I could hug all of you moms out there feeling the same way. I’m a single mom and haven’ really dated since my ex-husband cheated on me, so the chances of getting a hug from anyone is slim. My family’s in Australia and my close girl friends are all single and it’s just not the same explaining to them how you feel.

    sending out love to all of you moms :)

  24. November 19, 2014

    Meaghan Reply

    I love you!!!

  25. November 19, 2014

    Nikki Reply

    Thank you for this post! I wish I could share this with each and every new mama as they look in the mirror suddenly filled with doubt & fear. I lead a Mom’s group and THIS is the message I try to fill them with. And some days, even myself!

  26. November 19, 2014

    Kristin Reply

    i cannot thank you enough for writing this! The past few days have been oh so difficult. I have a almost 3 year old boy and 7 month old boy and lately have felt like a failure! Failure because I loose my patience, failure because I don’t know what to do most days, failure because I’m tired! The list goes on and on! So glad that I am not alone and we all go through this!

  27. November 19, 2014

    Katie Reply

    I love this. So much. I so just need to know other people they feel this way. I have such a hard time feeling the good stuff or allowing myself to feel the good stuff because I’m so busy defending the struggles of motherhood. This post wa helpful:-)

  28. November 19, 2014

    tiffany Reply

    I’m a mom of three. My oldest is 13 and having behavioral problems at school. I’m so worried about her. I get out once a week with three other moms and we talk about kids and the problems we are having. It’s awesome to have this little group.

  29. November 19, 2014

    Nikki Reply

    Thank you for speaking to my soul. I needed this today. It came at the right time as I have bee a struggling a lot lately. Being a mom is hard but so worth it! Thank you!

  30. November 19, 2014

    shellie hennings Reply

    (huggs) just hugs. i have no doubt most of us have been there. thanks for giving the rest of us non-perfect moms a voice.

  31. November 19, 2014

    Kay Reply

    Thanks for that! I had a rough weekend with my toddler! On Sunday we were at someone’s home for dinner and she was a riot! I walked outside in the cold, sat on the back stairs and cried. I’ve never broken down like that before! Luckily my sister in law was so so so supportive :-). Being a mom can be rough, but it’s always worth it!

  32. November 19, 2014

    Sharon Reply

    I wish I had someone who would tell me this and I could believe it. But I am on my own, day after day, alone. Trying to be the best mom I can with no support system and trying to be strong all the time and then feeling crushed under the pressure because I mess up and don’t do everything perfectly. Then I feel like a failure.

    To everyone out there, whether you are a mom, dad, brother, sister, grandma, or whatever roles/relationships you have in your life: I hope this encourages someone today who really needs it. And I hope you have people around you to tell you this when you are at your weakest and feel like you cant handle anymore. I hope you have someone in your life to be strong for you when you cant be strong anymore.

  33. November 19, 2014

    Veronica Reply

    Perfect timing. I needed this SO much today-This week. As I tucked my girls into bed, I apologized to them for taking my frustrations out on them-yelling, lack of patience w/them…it’s not their fault I’m exhausted. And I’m not ashamed to let them know when I’ve done wrong. Children are forgiving & naturally love SO MUCH. You’re right,everything will be ok, tomorrow is a new day! Thanks be to God.

  34. November 19, 2014

    Blue Buddha Reply

    Agree with so many points in this article as well as what commenters have said. I hate seeing the posts “21 ways to be a better parent” on Pinterest because it just adds to the guilt that society wants to throw at you.

    I am the breadwinner as a work at home mom to one boy and another little one on the way and I tell anyone who listens, “it can be so isolating.” We have no extended family near us and no friends who could babysit and my husband and I muddle through the best we can. I work as much as I can while my son naps and here I am working again at 10 in the evening and when I don’t work or don’t watch my son, I feel like I can’t possibly take any time for myself. Where did this thought process come from? Why do we do this to ourselves or allow others to make us feel shamed at maybe, just maybe taking 1/2 an hour to bathe?

    I have to add, my husband feels these things too, but his expressions often come across as complaints, but that’s OK. He’s allowed to have those feelings too, especially after a full day of watching our toddler while I work.

    P.S. I’ve been sick with this baby and haven’t done the dishes in three days. Yes I know it’s gross, but I’ll get to it when I can! My son is in clean clothes, has a full belly and a warm bed. That’s good enough right now.

  35. November 19, 2014

    Melissa Reply

    Simply…Thank You!

  36. November 19, 2014

    Colleen Reply

    I am reading this while laying on a mattress on the floor of my sons room. He has CP and had hip surgery a week ago. He is in a spica cast for 6 weeks. I have had one those days one of those nights one of those weeks!

  37. November 19, 2014

    Amanda Reply

    Thank you for posting this. I really needed something truthful to read this evening. I’m so glad that I’m not alone. Again, thank you.

  38. November 19, 2014

    Meg Reply

    I could not resist writing after reading this and becoming so emotional from relating to your words so much….I am so there, right there with you. Thanks so much for sharing.

  39. November 19, 2014

    Scooby Reply

    Hopping on the crying bandwagon, thanks for that. Okay, I might not appreciate the tears, but I appreciate the post, it resonated with me.

  40. November 19, 2014

    Jennifer DeFrates Reply

    I agree with so many of the ideas you shared. In fact, the realization that I can’t focus all my energy on getting everything perfect, trying to send my kid to “Harvard.” Instead I had to refocus on heaven. I realized helping my child be a loving, creative, kind, generous soul who has a relationship with God was more important than worrying about all the extraneous stuff. In fact I just wrote a piece. 3 Reasons Having Children Will Not Make You Happy. http://heavennotharvard.com/2014/11/18/3-reasons-having-children-will-not-make-you-happy/

  41. November 20, 2014

    Julie Jacobsen Reply

    Moments ago I was sitting on the couch after quite the ordeal with my strong-willed little girl, feeling that once again I had failed. Feeling like I am the only one who ever deals with these constant issues. Wondering why I never react like I say I’m going to. After crying a bit I logged onto facebook and your article greeted me. Thank you for your transparency. After reading your article I am encouraged.

  42. November 20, 2014

    Alynne Reply

    Im so there today, I have been there all week. I cant seem to give myself grace. i walk into a room and see the toys everywhere, toothpaste all over the freshly cleaned sink, my husband sitting there playing a game on his phone…..and I cant breathe. I have pressure from work, pressure to have a clean home, get my babes to and from activites, make dinner, make money, look good, be thin (Im not) …..pressure pressure pressure. I feel like Im ruining my children because they ask a simple question and I go beserk. Im at my wits end. How do I give myself grace? How do I not clutch my chest in grief? How do I…..how

  43. November 20, 2014

    Esther Reply

    Thank you.

  44. November 20, 2014

    Meiko Reply

    I had this day today. Thanks for sharing. I needed to read this before going to sleep.

  45. November 20, 2014

    Shauna Reply

    Hi Rachel~ Cold hands and teary eyes here, that’s how we met last weekend at The Momcon! You have become my quiet time in the morning, I read your messages to get my day started right. Thank you for this post! It is so much of what we briefly spoke about and what I was talking about with my friend at the conference. I’m so tired of the lists which is why I’ve taken a step back from FB recently. So thank you, thank you, thank you for once again encouraging me and starting my day off right with grateful tears and a smile.

  46. November 20, 2014

    Clare Reply

    Thank you! I had one of those days yesterday when my 3 year old decided to fight me on everything. Everything. Then, when we both needed a break, he refused to take a nap. The 8 month old also refused to nap in his crib and had to be held or he would scream. So, i rocked the baby so he would nap which meant that the big one was able to “play” in his room during nap time. When I went in to get him after nap time he had taken off his socks and put new ones on by himself (a feat that has never been accomplished before) in a darkened room. He says “look at my new socks momma!” I just had to stop. Just stop and tell him how much I love him and let all the other stuff go. Yes, it was a rough night with a lot of tears for him not being able to set the table or whatever else a 3 year old freaks out about, but he put socks on by himself and I consider that a small and awesome accomplishment.

  47. November 20, 2014

    Brett Reply

    perfectly written, fellow imperfect mom!

    and this is why i regularly wear my ‘world’s okayest mom’ shirt out and about. because it’s true.

    i think we moms are our own worst critics

  48. November 20, 2014

    Brenda Reply

    Thank you! The past days I’ve been feeling overwhelmed more often than usual. I thought what’s wrong with me, and I would feel run down, exhausted, didn’t have the energy. I kept thinking something is wrong with me and I would look online for vitamins and then I thought, maybe I’m depressed. But last night I read this post after I put my kids to bed and I finally cried cause I felt nothing is wrong with me, I’m just tired. I have 3 kids – 6 yrs, 4 yrs, and a 21 month old and my husband works 12 hr shifts. I have a thyroid disorder and I try to go to the gym at least 5 x a week so I can lose the last 10,15, 20 lbs LOL plus I try to clean my house (TRY) and cook and hwk and practice and games and etc. one thing though that does help and I used to feel guilty but now I don’t feel that way, is saying no to play dates, events, volunteering, etc because all of that is a lot of energy. Some days I have amazing dAys and I can do it all and some days I just can’t do it all. I’m not a failure, this is the best I can do and that is fine with me. Thank you so much for this post

  49. November 20, 2014

    Amanda Reply

    Beautiful. And so Real. Thank you for your inspiring words, support, and truth.

  50. November 20, 2014

    Alisha Reply

    Love this Rachel! Coming from an imperfect mom it’s so hard when you read about “all that crap on Pinterest” and how I should homeschool or send my child to this private school or go to work or stay home and work or don’t work at all! It’s frustrating and I still deal daily with am I doing the right thing as a mother.

  51. […] They will not be children forever! I can relate on so many levels to the woman who wrote this article, I am so glad I am not alone in this crazy thing called […]

  52. November 20, 2014

    Janet Reply

    Two thoughts that help me out a lot when I feel like I’m failing:
    There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one.
    Also, if I were perfect, where would that leave my kids? When they grow up to be parents they would never be able to be as good as I was, and that would be a terrible burden for them to bear. So better that I leave them with some stuff that they can improve on over me when they are moms 😉

  53. November 20, 2014

    Vanessa Reply

    Saying thank you doesn’t seem like enough to express what this piece did for me. It made me let the tears well up, to acknowledge that the past few days have been tough, not just for me but my boys, and even my husband. At a time where I feel like I am failing, failing at everything, being a mom, work, wife, life, and it hurts to acknowledge that you can’t do it all and you can’t let it all not be done so you push, and push, and push, push yourself, push your kids, push your husband, your coworkers, even your friends, or what you have left of them after you have ignored them for years while building a family. Just knowing that I am not alone in this fight feels good, so thanks.

  54. November 21, 2014

    Amanda Reply

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Every time I read this, I cry. I have needed to hear these words for so long. Motherhood is the hardest job in world. Your words have touched me greatly as I’m sure they have for so many others.

    Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to be perfect and life will be okay. Thank you!!!!!

  55. November 21, 2014

    Kara Reply

    I got to “It’s about sifting through the barrage of social media expectations and knowing that even if you never ever ever did one more thing on any of those lists that you are still an awesome mom. It’s about looking at the mom next to you and loving her in her brokenness and encouraging her to keep going” and cried.

    I cried because last night was that night for me. I was so overwhelmed and over stressed. I was snappy and cranky. And it also passed. But I so badly needed to read this today and I didn’t even know it. Thanks. Facebook got it wrong on this one.

  56. November 21, 2014

    Sara Denyer Reply

    I shared this on Pinterest and my own blog. Then I shared my blog post on FB. Hoping more mom’s will read! Thank you!!!

  57. […] The Motherhood Days We Don’t Talk About That Much But We Should {Finding Joy} […]

  58. November 24, 2014

    Elouise Reply

    Your post are inspiring, I loved every word and it touch home to my day to day life thank you for sharing this is an eye opener

  59. November 27, 2014

    Victoria Reply

    Love this. But I wonder… Why is all the pressure out upon ourselves as moms? Where are the dads? I just say this because of my own situation (Hetero, married, 2 kids, pregnant with a third)… And I place all the pressure upon myself and none on my husband, and I’m slowly realizing that this is not a healthy practice. I’d like to think that I am not alone here in allowing my husband to always be off the hook in terms of parenting and supporting his wife and mother of his children.

  60. December 6, 2014

    Melissa Reply

    I wake up with both kids, 2 yrs & 6mts, at 5-6am everyday. I don’t see my bed again until maybe 11-12pm. I take care of both kids when they wake in the night. I don’t sleep much. I’m okay with that. However, it erks me how dad never gets up to soothe a crying baby or check on a toddler who’s having a nightmare. I am a stay at home mom, which is a huge blessing, however, that doesn’t mean that dad is off the hook for EVERYTHING kid related….right? That damn pressure, apologizing to him because the baby has a tummy ache and won’t stop crying…he gets out of bed and sleeps on the couch because HIS sleep is more important, and I CAN handle not getting any sleep better than him, so I’m the one that suffers?!

  61. December 23, 2014

    Laura Reply

    Thank you so much for this post!!! Always nice to know you are not alone in these feelings!!

  62. February 10, 2015

    rach b Reply

    Thank you :)

  63. June 8, 2015

    Eli@CoachDaddy Reply

    In one post, you’ve touched my heart and conveyed an attitude I want to have as a dad, too. Also, you’ve helped me to see things from the perspective of the beautiful woman who shared this post with me.

    As a man, I want to fix and I want to distract. It’s not often the best path. Instead, let me understand, let me relate, let me express what value she has and that everything’s going to be okay.

    She matters. She most definitely matters. So do I.

  64. November 15, 2015

    gaurangi Reply

    thank you for this. you dun gud

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