to you, sweet mom, when you are anxious

It is okay.

I know you might not even know why you are anxious. I know you might worry that you are dropping the ball with your kids. I know you might be wondering what is wrong with you. I know you feel like you’re failing.

I know.

Those feelings. They are just there. I don’t know why you wake at 1 am with your heart racing.

I know it is hard.

I know you feel alone.

I also know that you’ve forgotten a bit.

And that is why I am writing you right now. To remind you. To give you perspective, a bit of a place to land for your heart. So listen, you are so important. Those kids that drive you crazy need you. They love you, they don’t really care that sometimes you don’t make creative dinners or that you got stressed out over homework. They care about you. Waking up every single day for them. Of course, they’ll never articulate that to you, but trust me, it matters.

If it didn’t they wouldn’t watch for you out of the bus window as it drives by the house to their stop. They wouldn’t wave when you see walking out the door. They wouldn’t care. But they do. They show it in the way kids do. And most of the time it’s so seemingly ungrateful. But sometimes those ways are the ways they show you love and how you are needed.

You are needed.

And there is nothing wrong with you. Can you just listen to me? Just for a moment. You are okay, for real. We weren’t meant to live numb to this world. And sometimes that means you have moments of sadness mixed with moments of joy. It’s a balance. So don’t cut yourself down when you’re in the moments of the bottom of a wave. That’s right, that’s what I want you to remember – that emotions are like a wave and sometimes you are joyful and sometimes neutral and sometimes sad but they come and go and ebb and flow.

You aren’t defined by them, sweet soul.

So you have a bad day. You have many good days as well.

So you messed up. You have many times where you kicked ass.

So you you got teary. You have many moments where you laugh.

So you were overwhelmed. You have many moments where you are in control.

So you felt alone. You have many moments where you are in the midst of friends.

You see, when you are in the midst of those anxious moments you don’t remember the second part of the story. You see all the holes in the boat and not that the boat is moving. I need you to look up. I need you to remember that you were created with great power, strength and vision. I need you to take care of that heart.

And I need you to love you for you.

Yes, that.

Maybe you forgot about the importance of loving you for who you are, but trust me, it’s critical. You’d never tell you children to not love themselves. The same goes for you. Give yourself a break and grace and push yourself to do the hard stuff. Yes, push yourself. No one else will. Do you hear me? No one can motivate you better than you can. And you are worth fighting for.

So brush off those doubts.

You are one amazing person.

It’s time to remember that again.

Fight for you. Stop letting all the reasons that things will never change or you don’t matter or you are stuck define your tomorrow. Sorry that it seems so hard, but listen, I care about you. Yes, you. You who does amazing things but has had a moment where the pressure of life have clouded your perspective of your awesome. Anxiousness will pass. I promise you. I made it through.

You are a brave soul.

You are not alone. I believe in you. In your story.

I truly do.

Can I dare you to share this with a friend? With someone who might also be feeling anxious? To let her know that she, too, is NOT alone? Together WE can change the world and bring hope.

~Rachel

a letter written to myself in one of those middle of the night anxious moments.

I’d love for you to read my book and learn how I found my heart again and how you can too. The Brave Art of Motherhood