pressure cooker motherhood days

“It was just a hard day.”

That’s what I told my husband. He kept trying to fix things, which is so sweet, but I honestly, couldn’t even think enough to figure out how to fix stuff. I was just trying to hold it together. And truthfully, if you were to ask me why I hit my breaking point, I couldn’t even tell you.

I could tell you about a whole bunch of little things. Little things that normally wouldn’t bother me. Things that typically I can brush aside or laugh at or get creative and solve. But today, today those little things built up like lint in my dryer waiting to ignite.

“Mom. I need you.”

Spilled drinks.

Goofy kids.

Math problems.

Health insurance.

“Mo-o-m he’s looking at me weird.”

Normal, normal things. Especially tucked within a world of challenges.

So by the time dinnertime came, there I was standing by the stove, with tears falling and me not knowing what was wrong.

Life is like that.

And it can feel lonely.

We don’t really share about these kind of days. I think we reserve sharing about the pressure cooker kind of challenging days because compared to the challenging days they feel kind of petty small. Like we don’t want to be judged for it – as if there is a hierarchy that determines what constitutes okay frustration. And then we tell ourselves, “you know, get perspective, it could be worse…” And then when we realize it could be worse we get more frustrated at ourselves for feeling so selfish and then it just makes it worse. So we stuff it in and tell ourselves, “get a grip.”

It’s like a merry-go-round.

Or a pressure cooker.

And then, then it all releases. After all, how long can it just stay there percolating? Tears and frustrations and worries and stuff to do and just being human. No where does it say we have to have it perfectly together. We are allowed hard days. We are allowed hard days when it shouldn’t even feel like a hard day. We are allowed moments when we feel frustrated.

There are days that test us. They are the days that push us. They are the days so often hidden.

If that’s your today – no guilt. Don’t grade your hard day. Don’t compare. Don’t get so frustrated at yourself.

Just breathe. You are not alone.

These days don’t determine success or if you’re a good mom. They are just days in a calendar of days. And these are the days that truthfully, make the good days matter more. These are the days that make us appreciate the normal. These are the days where we can be human.

You are okay.

That’s what I told myself. I tried to not judge the tears, I just let them fall. And in fact, I told my husband that I didn’t need a solution – because I could see them – I just needed to get some of what I’d been holding together inside out. To release that pressure. You know, sometimes the only goal is to make it through. To do the best you can, to show up, and to extend grace to yourself. You’d extend it to your friends, to others, and today, today remember to extend it to your own story as well.

Thank you for showing up.

Thank you for giving.

Thank you for caring.

Thank you for trying.

Thank you for loving.

Thank you for those hard days.

You are a warrior.

This day matters, by the way. They all do. So tonight, tonight before you go to sleep, instead of seeing what you didn’t do or where you messed up or what you think you should have done, take a moment and just be proud. Be grateful for your story, see your amazing and know that you, even on the imperfect days, make a difference.

~Rachel

#findingjoy