Tonight I was wishing bedtime was at 5pm.
I sat in my kitchen at the counter while the baked beans (my boys love them) and gluten free hotdogs (I know, I know, we’re real foodies in this house) cooked. Let me rephrase that with the addendum of – I sat at the counter waiting for the next fight, yell of it’s not fair, battle, running through the house, irritation, annoyance, or other battle between four boys under the age of ten that would occur.
And yes. I thought of sending them all outside to run and run and run.
But it’s been raining nonstop leaving my yard the new home to several temporary ponds and a running stream. I’m sure if the rain keeps up they’ll be able to fish there pretty soon.
I had enough.
Oh motherhood. I had words for it while I sat at the table. Yes, yes, yes – I know it’s awesome and amazing and spectacular and joyful and outstanding and full of moments that make you tear up with happiness.
But it’s also filled with moments like today.
Moments with kids who wake up on the wrong side of bed and their bed is pushed against the wall. Moments with angst between siblings. Moments where you’re tired and don’t know what to do and no one likes dinner and you know it’s not the best (like mine tonight). Moments where you feel alone. Moments where you know you’re behind and yet you have no idea how to get done what needs to get done much less even start.
I know, many will tell you it’s amazing blessed work. And truth is? It is. But, it’s also a great deal of work and patience and wondering are they really arguing because one is sitting too close to the line on the cushion on the couch? There are times where you’re wishing for that magic do-over button for the day. And times where you’re overworked.
I am just going to tell you that even though it’s a very obvious point we’ve all dealt with.
I am also going to tell you that at this point my boys are all in my family room (which has a door and the door is closed) and now they’re all watching a movie. And that’s okay. It’s okay moms to do what you need to do to get through. There would be sometimes where I would have rounded everyone up to take a walk or play a game or anything. But tonight? It was time for the movie. Time for me to regain perspective and sit and write and process life.
It’s okay to wave the white motherhood flag for the day and just rely on the hotdogs and beans and movie solution.
You don’t have to have everything together all the time.
Sometimes we look at these days as defining days.
It’s just a day.
One day in the collection of days in your motherhood story.
You’ll have amazing days as well. You’ll have those days where you rock at everything and you feel like Kate Perry in Roar and want to run down the street exclaiming to the world that you have motherhood totally figured out. And then you’ll have the normal days. Days of folding socks and washing hands and wiping down doors and taking walks and tucking in covers and figuring out bills.
Life is not a solid note repeating itself.
Motherhood is not either.
It’s full of ups and downs and quick blips and drawn out phases. And tonight? Tonight as I write these words was one of those days where I wished for immediate bedtimes. Not because I didn’t love my kids. I just was tired. Tired of dealing with the fighting and energy and all of it.
Tomorrow is a new day.
In fact, tonight is a new night.
And, now, now it’s almost seven and bedtime begins.
So sweet mother who wishes she could wave the flag of motherhood, well, let me tell you you’re normal. I know you might look at other moms and think that they’ve got it together all the time but let me tell you that would be a fallacy. Real moms have down beat moments as well. Real moms wish for bedtime early. Real moms are well, moms. Moms who know what it is like to stumble and fall and get up again and keep trying. Moms who love their kids no matter what.
You know just be the best you can be today. Give yourself grace.
Life isn’t meant to be perfect. If everything was perfect we wouldn’t experience the up moments.
You can do this.
From me, the mom sitting at her island with leftover beans on the stove and dishes to wash and boys downstairs watching a movie that she loves with all of her heart, to you. A friend in this motherhood journey.
And always be thankful for Netflix.
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Well written…and very true! Some days it’s ok to just call it quits. Not on motherhood, but on the day, on the moment, on the time that’s rough for whatever reason. Most days aren’t quite like that, no matter how difficult (at least not for me), but on those days that are hard. The days that are too tough to just think about because it’s so hard, so overwhelming, so tiring. Those are the days that I, too, attempt to cherish by doing just as you said…waving the white flag.
You’re doing a fine job. Hugs from this mom to you! 🙂
Oh Rachel!! Your words beautifully capture my struggle! Iwant to wave the white flag right now in the middle of this busy day. But, Grace! I want to live in the spot of Grace. Thanks for reminding me that these days don’t define me.
And… back I go to the busy children that wait for me.
Thank you! I appreciate you! Hugs!
I have those moments also. Days where I just want to hide and be by myself.
I too am thankful for Netflix! Will you share your baked bean recipe that is loved by 4 small boys?!?!
Tuesdays are pretty much always like this. I basically babysit for over 13 hours…trying to catch up now on everything I missed all day before I fall into bed…
Know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers! Look to the Lord for all things!
Hebrews 12:1-2 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Right now, I have one precious 4 month old daughter. However, I do daycare at home with a 16 month old and a 20 month old, so it’s kind of like having 3 girls under 2. Challenging to say the least. I tend to feel bad when I’m having one of those mornings or afternoons where I just don’t have the energy to deal with them (plus the remodeling in the house which confines all of us plus two dogs in the much too small living room), I pop in some VeggieTales just for that 30 minute break.
I had these high expectations of myself that I wouldn’t be a mom who pops in a movie for quiet time or whatever. Then real life set in. I am not super passionate about kids and just LOVE being around them – you know, those superwomen who just GET little kids and how to keep them happy and going. I’m not one of them, but I am starting to get attached to these little girls and I really want the best for them – from me and from the day. I want to send them home tired and happy and fed and if I’m lucky, just a little bit better than when they arrived at my house.
It’s easy to want to throw in the towel on those hard days and to feel like I’ve failed, when in actuality, I’m being reminded that I am simply human. I am a mere mortal. I need to relax and celebrate the good instead of kick myself in the head for the mediocre.