i remember. again.

rainbow – by Brennan 9/09

As I near the 5 year Anniversary mark of our family’s journey with cancer, I’ve been remembering the ups and downs of this path.  I was overwhelmed at the out-pouring of support and kind comments last week over my post  

i remember.

Here are thoughts that I had 5 years ago but never expressed. Thoughts about walking with a spouse sick, about friends, and about life.

the wife’s thoughts

Don’t hide from me.
Don’t ignore my situation.
Even a simple “I’m sorry” or “I’m praying for you” is good.
Better than nothing.

I know you talked about me.
When I came up the stairs and you all looked at me.
With pity and empathy in your eyes.
Come over and share your words with me.

Don’t leave me alone.

It’s okay for me to laugh.
Even if I’m hurting.
It’s okay for me cry.
Even if I’m happy.

Thank you for the meals.
The cards.
The twenties slipped between pieces of paper.
Coffee runs.

Ask me about the cancer.
Let me explain to you what we are fighting.
Listen.
Just listen, please.

Thank you for sitting with me.
Thank you for holding my hand as I wait.
Thank you for your tears.
Thank you for your prayers.

I know you mean well, but no cliche answers
Sometimes they hurt more.
I just need an ear to hear
And a shoulder to cry on.

Thank you for helping with the kids.
Or doing laundry.
Or putting groceries on my steps.
Thank you for those little things to you
That are so big to me.

Thank you for asking.
Remembering.
Even now, five years later,
Thank you.