dear moms who have said because I said so

I’ve said it as well.

I remember being a child thinking to myself that I would never ever utter those words – those because I said so – words to my children. Then real motherhood life came. And I became a mom and becoming a mom brings with it a whole slew of new challenges. Things like toddlers who don’t listen and color on the walls with permanent markers, and kids that are fighting while you’re desperately trying to get the chicken nuggets out of the 425 degree oven, and laundry that you forgot was in the washing machine {go check yours now} and the soccer shirt that is needed in 15 minutes that is sitting in there.

Then, at that point as all of that is happening, you get faced with the inevitable and unending barrage of questions. Can I do this? Watch this? Go? Eat this? Climb this? Read this? Have this?

So you blurt it out after you said no a dozen times and they’ve asked why two dozen times.

Because I said so.

Yep.

Honestly, even though I try and try to stay away from those words, it’s okay. Life is about limits and rules and understanding boundaries. I want to listen, to be positive, to understand, to teach, to laugh, to encourage creativity, to be the mom that is intentional and focused with her children. But, I also know that children need boundaries – including respecting the answer that is given. I mean, it’s about 11 minutes to dinner time and the question is for chips and honestly I am not going to give them chips when there is an entire dinner coming.

The funny thing about because I said so and other phrases is that somehow I thought I could make it through motherhood without ever blurting out those words. I know, I know, you read in the intentional parenting books about how I probably should have stated that the chips aren’t healthy and that dinner is coming very soon and that we need to practice patience. Great. It’s excellent advice. However, in those moments of pure motherhood overwhelm, when the smoke detector is going to go off due to the now burning chicken nuggets and wake the toddler that you finally got napping, often the only thing that comes to mind is the because I said so phrase.

We need grace mothers.  We need to be real. I’m not going to do you any favors if you read my words, my ponderings about motherhood, and give you the illusion that in every and all moments that I have the perfect parenting answer and response. That’s not authentic. And without authenticity, really there isn’t much hope.

Want to know something? I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. There is no perfect never saying because I said so mother out there. I’ve got flowers wilting outside, and dishes to do, and a floor to sweep, and a bathroom to clean. I mess up. I get impatient, frustrated, and exasperated. Motherhood isn’t about being perfect. It’s about getting up in the morning and trying to do your best again and then giving yourself grace when you go to bed.

I’m a motherhood work in progress along with you. There’s no mold to fit, there is only figuring out your own motherhood mold. It’s about coming alongside other moms and being real and talking about the struggles and ups and downs and then encouraging each other on.

We’re in this together, moms.

Because I said so.

*****
Interested in reading more Dear Mom Letters? Click Dear Mom letters to go to a listing of all letters.
Want Finding Joy in your inbox? Simply click subscribe to finding joy