dear not so perfect but very real mom

You are not alone.

If we got together and peeked at each other’s lives you might discover that my life too is of that not so perfect caliber as well. Sure, I love pinterest and pin a bunch of things, like, ahem, maybe close to one thousand, but the things that I really do? Honestly? I can’t think of more than five. They’re interesting, inspiring, and creative, but most days I find myself working to keep things on track that I don’t have time to do those extras. Yeah, I share pictures on facebook, but most often they’re of the fabulous and cute and fun moments and not those moments where I’m fretting over the family room floor where the bag of chips was just spilled and crushed.

In fact, right now, I’m almost caught up on laundry. Almost, and I say it with a laugh because for the entire weekend I worked on getting caught up because I was so behind. I’m sure there is a pin or an article or an awesome system on laundry. Actually, I know of a site for just laundry written by a friend of mine. Did she write it because she’s perfect and has the system down? No. She wrote it because she, too, needed to develop a plan and a target for that pesky thing called laundry.

 

 

Right now, I have dishes in my sink waiting to be washed. And it’s morning, and in my ideal morning I would have had them done before I went to bed, but last night I chose to watch Chopped Masters with my daughters versus spend the time in my kitchen. That? A wise choice, a choice that values them more than those dishes. Which, will get done in the next hour anyways. Yet, it’s easy to look in the kitchen in these very wee hours of the morning and to think that I don’t have it all together and miss that in that instant I chose to do the real important.

But this perfect mom thing? This superhero mom? The mom that never loses her cool?

Well, she just doesn’t exist. Ever.

As I’ve been working on writing my book I came to this realization about motherhood nowadays and how the phrase surviving motherhood has become one that you and I hear. What’s interesting is that one thousand years ago we needed to simply survive, and now we need to survive and we’re also surviving motherhood.

Why the extra? It’s from the extras. The extra time, the media, the pressures of a culture where time can be emphasized on things beyond simply putting food on our table. Which, no matter what, is still very challenging for many and so now there is not only the real need to survive but also this unspoken of pressure of surviving and measuring up. But now, you and I, and the moms at preschool or in the line at Starbucks waiting to try the hazelnut macchiato and the moms at home with the newborns and the moms in the office working away and the moms driving and all of us moms together live in a time where we are being told you must be perfect and happy and creative and do every single thing you had to do in the past and now you must raise perfect kids and you the mother must not make a mistake. Ever.

And instead of thriving often it feels like surviving.

 

 

What about the difference that you’re making in the world?

Which you are, right now. I know that sometimes it doesn’t feel like such a difference when you rinse those dishes and put them in the dishwasher and sweep the floor {again} and tie some shoes, fold some socks, teach math facts, say the prayers together, shovel the driveway, vacuum the chips up, and drive to soccer. But, it’s a difference. Those kids, who call you mother, watch you and know that you’ll be there for them. That matters. They know that when they wake up and cry mom that you’ll come. Will you always be chipper? No. If you’re like me some mornings you’ll simply say it’s not morning go back to bed so you can get just five more minutes of sleep. But you’ll get up, and you’ll help them get dressed, and help them get to doing what they need to do. That is what matters.

Don’t let the perfect mom ideal discourage.

Remember those pins? If finishing those pinterest pins defined the mom that had it together than I wouldn’t be sleeping. All of this excess information, as I wrote in overloaded world, is just there as information that you and I can choose to do. Or not to do. It’s not a requirement for motherhood success.  Instead I want you to embrace all you do accomplish each day. Start looking at your day and celebrating you, your family, and motherhood. Don’t tell me it’s just anything, because you know how I feel about adding just in front of anything. Don’t qualify motherhood – embrace motherhood. If you could pin every single thing that you did in one day that made a difference you would have a board full. In one day.

Think about that.

 

 

And you know what? Not liking it, having a hard day, struggling, wondering if you matter, and if you’re making a difference are normal days. But so are the good days. Which you have – you just need to start recording them and remembering them. If you have a good day mark it down, write a friend, but remember. Start to look at your life with the lens that celebrates the good, the powerful, and the simple beautiful things as well.

You and I can be a generation of women that celebrates the power in motherhood. We can encourage each other to rise up, to begin again, and to finish well. We can push the myth of the perfect mom to the curb and instead embrace the real mom with all of her flaws but the tenacity and spirit of a fighter. Instead of spending time watching, judging, and comparing – we can be a culture that extends a hand, listens, encourages, and supports. You know why? Because our children watch. And our children are going to do life, and do this parenting thing together.

So dear not so perfect but very real mom, you and I are in this together.

It’s not a competition. It’s a journey, a life that we’re doing. This motherhood portion? It’s part of our story – it’s that part that makes us stronger, pushes us to our limits, sharpens our spirit, and unearths the hero in us that is so often forgotten. And it’s for doing something absolutely amazing – it’s for being the mom, the not so perfect mom, who loves her kids and knows she makes mistakes, but still keeps on going.

 

The not so perfect but very real mom inspires.

You inspire.

Do motherhood today. With your head held high, brushing off the mistakes, vacuuming the floor, loving on your kids, and celebrating the victories.

From me. The mom, who is now standing up to go finish those dishes before the kids get up, to you.

~Rachel