Dear not so little youngest boy of mine.
It feels like yesterday that this was you and me. You adored me in those years. You would easily fall into my arms and hold my hand. There wasn’t a moment where you didn’t want to be with me and sometimes when I would try to get a break I’d look at you and try to remember how fleeting these years were.
We were BFFs, in fact, I was your first.
It feels like yesterday that all the years of your childhood were in front of me. It feels like all those times I said, “in a minute” were infinite and all those in a minutes have added up and here we are, years later.
I still can see that little boy in you.
In your smile or the times you are scared and you find me. In the times when I meet you for lunch and school and your face lights up because I’m sitting at the visitor table. I can see it when you’re excited about something new on Fortnite or when you and your friends are playing in the yard. I can see it when I check on you when you are sleeping. You still have that same sweet face and curl in the same way.
Maybe we don’t hold hands anymore.
But we share laughs over YouTube videos.
Maybe we don’t play cars anymore.
But we run at the park together.
Maybe we don’t sit side by side coloring.
But we do sit and work on (much to your dismay) math problems.
Maybe the story has changed, but you, sweet boy, will always be that sweet little boy of mine.
Oh don’t worry, I’ll let you grow.
That’s what we are supposed to do as moms.
Little one, don’t fear growing, don’t fear letting go.
I’ve been there for eight years since this photo. I’ve been there when you were sick and when you were well. I’ve been there for the first day of school and will be there for the last. I’ve been there when you were scared and when you were on stage. I’ve been there when you shed tears and when you laughed out loud. I’ve been there for doctor’s visit and when you were scared. I’ve been there for hours of homework and trips to the ocean. I’ve been there on the good days and the normal days and the boring days and the hard days.
Oh how I have been there, my sweet boy. You’re my youngest, the baby, the one I’m really having to let go of. No one prepared me for how hard it is to let go of the youngest. But here I am, with you, and now time is moving at a speed I just don’t want it to move at. But, despite that, I’ll be there.
I’ve been there.
And, I will be there.
So keep growing.
Keep trying new things. Keep loving. Keep going. Keep being you.
I’m so proud to be your mom.
And trust me, when you give me a hug, I won’t let go first.
Your first and forever BFF.
words by Rachel Marie Martin