I remember it like it was yesterday even though it was years ago. There I was this newer mom standing in a room full of women who were laughing and chatting and hugging and there I stood right in the middle of all this energy and fellowship and yet I was feeling very much alone.
Why isn’t anyone talking with me?
I don’t measure up.
I knew I shouldn’t have worn this shirt.
I don’t fit in.
I want to go home.
I stood there, a bit frozen, with my baby in the stroller and the pang of my heart after I dropped off my toddler in a class, and I just felt so out of place. I wanted to run – to pick up the little ones and pack them in the car so I could drive straight home where I could ignore this whole thing and pretend that I wasn’t feeling so alone. Here I was, insecure and out of place, and so needing of a friend, and someone to invest some time in me and to invite me to sit at their table.
I felt invisible.
It was just me. In a room. Filled with women.
But, I stood there, with my brave smile on my face while my insides ached, and I just watched. I knew I needed to be bold, but I also wanted to find a friend. To know I wasn’t alone.
That is until another mom came up, asked if she could help me find a spot, and started talking to me. She walked with me to get coffee, and told me she thought the baby was cute, and introduced me to her friends at the table. Those friends became my friends.
They linked arms with me.
It’s easy to journey through motherhood on autodrive and to not link arms with other mothers. We can get caught up in this comparison cycle, and the one-ups, and the having everything perfect, and never let people see you sweat type of mothering world. And then we lose the real. We forget to look across the room and see the mom standing there just waiting for someone to come up to them and say hi and cute sweater and to learn more about them. To link arms.
We are looking to be told that we matter, that we’re not failing, and that others care. There is power in becoming a generation of women who decide that we’re going to be in this together and support each other. Let’s be that friend to the mom standing in the preschool room alone, or who comes in the Bible Study and doesn’t know where to sit, or who goes to a conference and stares blankly at a room full of people. Step out. Introduce yourself. Be real. Authentic. Care.
We’re stronger when we journey together.
I’m so grateful for my now wonderful friend who came up to me, the gal alone, that day.
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Beautiful! 🙂 But then, I think every post is beautiful.
Rachel…When I was a young mom, I felt the same way…alone in a room full of people. I am shy. Not once I get to know someone…cuz then I can talk your leg off,…but around strangers I just freeze up. I am 62 and I still do that! UGH! I hate it…and I wish I wasn’t like that.
I am drawn to out-going people, and that’s why I was drawn to my wonderful out-going husband. He brings me out of my self consciousness. I find that most of my friends are out-going people too. I am thankful for those who lock arms…and pull you in. (:>)
I want to be one of those who looks out for the needs of others! I can do it sometimes when the Lord empowers me! (:>)
Have a blessed day!
This is so true. I always try to be a friend to the new mom/girl in the group, because I know what it’s like to feel alone in a crowd of people. Beautiful words, Mrs. Martin. xo
A great reminder of how valuable a friendly smile and offer of friendship is. A reminder to be the one to step out and offer a welcoming hand.
As Jessica has said above, beautiful words and thank you for sharing xx
This is so so so true. We are not meant to do this alone, and we need to constantly be aware of who is around us and what we can do for them. Outward thinking, and loving on women…even if they seem to have it together.
Thanks for linking up with me, via the internet. 🙂
Oh, I wish Rachel. My children are at school now but it’s been the same no matter where we went. I always put it down to me being an older Mum, not fitting in but I’m not sure what it is. I was always the one introducing myself to new members of the group or class etc but always still left out, still to this day. I’ve grown to realise, it’s not about me, it’s about the kids. As long as they are enjoying life and fitting in, that’s all I care about. I’m happy in my own skin and know I do a good job as a Mum. I must say that I’m still a little disappointed that I’m doing it all alone without any other like-minded Mum.s Great post, as always.
I always feel like that at a conference if I go alone! That does mean so much when someone, anyone steps out and talks to you so you feel included.
So I have a best friend right now and I love spending time with her. She’s started branching out and making more friends. I was worried (yes I was and am a little insecure) that I was going to lose my best friend. Last night we went out with a bunch of other ladies from church and I realized it’s okay. She’s still there for me and by reaching out or “linking arms” we are helping others and making more friends. My mom used to do a tea party group and I want to start that tradition and they would pray over who to invite that needed that special time and to be cared for. Thanks for the great reminder!
A great reminder to all of us to reach out to others and link arms. It makes us all stronger, not just the person we reach out to, but ourselves as well. Great post!
Thank you for this, I am that mom quiet and unsure, questioning how I fit in. It’s nice to know that I am not alone, and hopefully I will find a way to link arms with other mothers.
That post took me back almost 3 years….I feel very “linked”
Now but not then. It was a moms group I went once with my newborn and 5 yr old.
I blame it on being the newbies in a small town.
You’ve written this so beautifully. It’s odd that we live in a society where we don’t know people in all stages of life, easily observing what it means to fall in love or give birth or grow old, being welcomed ourselves as we go through these steps. And letting us know all the way to our bones how to do it ourselves.
My first linked arms came in a Le Leche group where I knew no one. Just being around other new mothers was nourishing. That they welcomed me made all the difference.
Reaching out to others – that is exactly what I think we need to do more. When the Holy Spirit gives you the nudge. JUST DO IT!
Blessings on a great post.
I love the message in this post, as someone who knows all too well that painful feeling inside when walking into a new environment and not quite knowing my place. What a blessing it is to have someone approach you, to put you at ease, and bring you in. knowing this feeling has caused me to be more help others feel comfortable and welcomed in new situations. We need community. With that being said, I have learned a bit more to be bold, to give myself “the talk” when going into new situations, to be bold, know im awesome and that allows me to be proactive and approach new people in new situations in the name of growing community 🙂
Blessings to you
Love this! Would you mind if I put it in my MOPS group newsletter (giving you credit, of course)? I think it speaks beautifully to our topic right now.
I have friends like that whom I met in the same way. I so badly wanted and needed friends, but I can be painfully shy. Thank goodness I met someone who is the opposite! It is so important to make these connections.
This is written beautifully! It spoke to me, as a mom, a woman…one who has been in those types of situations before as well. Thank you for sharing so beautifully!
I feel quite alone with my recently turned 2-two year old and my 9 week old.
We just started a new church and I just feel alone. YOur posts encourage me and help know that there is someone out there, so thank you
I loved this post. It’s definitely worth sharing!!