I’m writing this on a late Monday afternoon. The Minnesota sun is finally staying around for just a bit longer, but the world is still blanketed in a heavy coat of gray. It seems as if the sun has been absent for months, making only occasional peeks to brighten the world.
I’m sitting, as I type this, in a coffee shop tucked in the corner of a strip mall, writing while I wait for Chloe to finish teaching ballet for the second time today. The hum of coffee being brewed and the warmth of the fireplace should be enough to make my mood relaxed. Calm. And yet, there’s this nagging tension in my upper back. My neck.
Today was one of those days.
You know, those days that so often we as moms tend to push under the rug and ignore that we had to endure — nothing terrible happened, just a series of events, and moods, and aggravations that led up to one of those days. From the moment midnight came on the clock I should have realized that this day was not going to run as smoothly as desired. I was up most of the night with Samuel. Two of the four boys decided to wake up on the wrong side of their beds {which is amazing since their beds are against opposite walls and yet they somehow managed to choose the wrong side}. The other boy, that four year old, was the ultimate in crabby. The older girls missed the sun as much as I do — and that lack of movement, of sun, of being in the home finally wore everyone down.
As I left the home, I could feel tears stinging my eyes.I failed. Again. Those words kept running through my head as I drove the little car over the back roads to ballet. We’re behind. I failed. I want to scream or cry or get more coffee. Thought after thought after thought of me failing rolled through my head. If only I had done this, or found this project, or was more diligent, or didn’t answer that phone call. I failed. Again.
Leaving me here. In a coffee shop, with a not very good cup of Chai next to me, Norah Jones on their radio, and tears still stinging my eyes. I’m left with a choice, in a way. I can reenter my home and pick up exactly where we left off — anxiety, crabbiness, and crazyiness — or I can choose to change my mood and set the bar for change in our home for everyone else. And that means letting go of the idea that I failed. Clinging to an incorrect assumption of failure only keeps me stuck in the very day that I want to reclaim.
They might not jump on board. That’s okay {there’s bedtime}. Or they might {then there’s dessert}. But, whatever happens with the remaining 7.25 hours of this day I can tell you that the I failed thoughts that raced through my weary mind are not true. And when you have those thoughts, my friends, they are not true as well.
Having a bad day does not mean failure.
It is simply a bad day. Thankfully we are blessed with 365 days {or this year even one extra} in each year. There will be hard days. But, enduring a hard day and not doing everything perfect or how one wants it to be does not mean failure. Failure would be quitting. But, we as moms, we pick ourselves up. We make the bed, wash the dishes, and tuck those little ones back into bed with sweet I love you’s whispered to those little energetic bodies that are finally falling asleep.
My friends, do not look at the bad days and let them define you. You are greater than that day.
That’s what I’m remembering as I sit here, in this worn leather chair, in a coffee shop on the end of a very hard day. It’s perspective. Stepping back and remembering the truth that I’ve said to you all before – you are a good mom. Today was just a day. There is tomorrow. Learn from today, grow from today, but do not let the hard days write any definition of self.
The terrible, no good, horrible day was just a day. One day.
You are worth more than any title you give to your day.
Motherhood matters.
More.
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17 comments
Thank you Rachel. I know I could sit right beside you on certain days and be tearing up over my own cup of java. Thank you for giving the right perspective to what a bad day is – just a day.
That last line: my favorite! Thank you!!
Thank you for this and I’m filing it away to look at the next time I’m having one of “those” days. I’m finishing breakfast right now hoping I can keep from having those same thoughts you had in the beginning. Again, Thank you.
life is always a mixed bag. the hard and the good. and it’s all just life. it’s so true though, perspectives and attitudes totally change things. yes and amen to bedtimes and dessert. : )
I have a lot of trying days here with a challenging 3-year-old. I sometimes feel like SUCH a failure, but I do remind myself that there’s always time to start fresh. Whether it’s after nap time, or getting out of the house, or starting over in the morning, I always have to just keep trying.
It is just one day, isn’t it? I had one the other day. It is a constant struggle for us. I think it is also harder for us the more we are with our children. There are days we crave a moment of silence or a moment alone. When those days come, we will feel we are alone too much and need the laughter of little ones and the mess they bring.
The affirmation that the “I’m a failure.” or “I failed.” thought is a lie is so encouraging. My bad day doesn’t define my success as a Mom! Thank you.
Wonderful wise words that I needed to hear today! Thank you for sharing your heart 🙂 And I hope that the day got better!!
OH, I think I was having one of those, too..>Heather’s no good, horrible, very bad day…but you are right, just because a day is bad, doesn’t mean you’re a failure 🙂 🙂 I’m glad that as Anne of Green Gables so wisely said “Ever morning is fresh, with no mistakes in it”… 🙂 🙂 :)Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather 🙂
We’ve had a few blah days. I’m still feeling blah as well. Maybe spring will make a difference for me as well. I hear it is warm outside.
So needed this today. Have definitely been hearing the lies of the enemy … and believing that I am a failure in oh. so. many ways.
Would love to sit in the leather chair next to you and enjoy a cup of hot peppermint mocha and a visit. (Maybe we can meet next time I visit my daughter in MN.)
Hope your week is BLESSED!
Laurel
Thanks for the beautiful picture of a mom’s heart. These tough times grow us. Give is perspective. Help us to be ever more thankful for the good days.
I LOVE this amazing post! You inspired me so much, I wrote my own thoughts about this on my blog: http://walk-in-joy.blogspot.com/2012/02/thoughtful-thursday-awake-my-soul.html. I linked back to your post.
Still praying hard in Seattle!
Psalms 31:1-3 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me. For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.
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I had one of those days yesterday. My defiant six year old had me in tears before 8 that morning. I was happy to see the bus arrive…and then felt guilty that I was happy to see the bus arrive.
It’s hard sometimes to see past the funk & the feelings of failure when we’re in the midst of it. But, thank you for the reminder that it does not define us. I needed to hear that today.
i actually watched both the grammy’s AND rugby. i’m awesome like that. both were highly entertaining i’ll give ya that!
Thank you for the reminder that the good comes with the bad. It is just the nature of things. Failure is not failing to achieve the little everyday things.