surviving motherhood. it’s okay to be real.

Sometimes being a mom is the hardest job in the world.

And thankless. Energy draining. Frustrating. And crazy.

So let’s just be real.

I’m not talking about having a big complaining fest. Because truth? Complaining just keeps us totally stuck. Like stuck in the mud with our feet sinking stuck and then the dishes will really get out of hand and then the kids will color on wall with permanent markers which magic eraser won’t even touch and the cookies will get burned and so on.

But I’m talking about this.

Sometimes I get super frustrated when I purchase new crayons and I come in and the wrappers are peeled off and the crayons are broke. No joke. Not sure why that aggravates me. But, humbly, it does. Or if I find wrappers to items that one of my boys snuck hidden in not so clever places I’ll take it personally. Or when we’re late and they can’t find a glove and I’ll be thinking that I just spent $10 on two gloves and now we have one. Or sometimes my kids won’t listen to me at Home Depot and think that they will make a fort in-between the mulch and I want to keep going (see above).  Or sometimes just the noise noise noise – let me tell you it can get noisy in my house. Like crazy crazy noisy where I’ll yell (which is ironic) Enough noise!! Now!

I love motherhood.

Most days.

But we need to chat about the truth that sometimes it’s just hard. It takes energy work patience ridiculous problem solving skills  no sleep cooking love discipline not comparing and more and more and more. I think that’s why the post the motherhood days we don’t talk about but we should went crazy viral and broke the internet (missed that? well it did.)

Listen.

Motherhood is like the ultimate roller coaster of life. Ups downs crazy curves moments of tremendous drop and utmost exhilaration. Sometimes we’re afraid to go on. Sometimes we can’t see the bottom. And sometimes we don’t voice that we’re tired. Or had enough. Or are simply frustrated with silly little things like broken crayons.

I think deep down I want to control everything.

I want the crayons sorted. The dishes put away. The throw pillows on the couch. Walls without fingerprints. Art projects that look like the art project I saw on Pinterest. A life that belongs on Hallmark. Money without worries. Dinners made on time. Laundry with never ever missing socks. Kids that always ace their spelling tests. Babies that sleep. Perfect hair (just throwing that out there.) Solutions for problems. Never being stressed. A paper filing system that actually works.

Motherhood is the antithesis.

It is being awake at 2:30 am with a sick kid only to fall back asleep at 3:00 am to be woken again at 3:15 am to fall back asleep to have the alarm for school ring at 6:20am. It is in zipping zippers and tucking in shirts and tying shoes and brushing hair and searching for matching gloves but being okay with just two gloves when you’re late. It’s in crazy schedules and out of breath racing here and there and a whole lot of giving. It’s in dishes that aren’t clean and school lunch boxes with leftover food in it and dropping kids off in the line and cheering for others and letting them go to college or preschool or to that dance.

Kind of thankless, in a way.

The clothes are washed, dinners made, carpool runs driven, lunches packed, legos sorted, coloring done, work completed, and on and on and on stuff. That’s the expected of us in motherhood stuff. There aren’t many moments of you’re the best mom ever in our world (and when they do happen – really really embrace them. And not only that – tell a friend so that when she has that moment she’ll tell you too. See mine below.). If you’re like me you’ll hear the opposite at times. You’ll look at those kids that you give give give to and you’ll wonder why in the world they don’t see all you do or seem to appreciate you.

The truth is they probably won’t right now.

There isn’t going to be the gold star chart of my mom made an awesome meal or put a note in my lunch or dealt with the three year old who decided that not one of the 28 shirts in his drawer was the one that was to be worn today.

We’re moms.

Givers of self. Wipers of tears and snotty faces and counters and spilled milk and bathroom floors.

I believe the beauty of talking about the struggles is that it allows us as women a bit of space to breathe.

Inhale motherhood truth and exhale motherhood expectations.

Those expectations that press down on us as moms can suffocate the joy and life and happiness from our lives. No where is it written that the only way to be happy is to have a life that looks like it belongs in Better Homes and Garden. It’s okay to be happy even if life is just a bit crazy. It’s also okay to have those days when you look at those crazy broken crayons and wonder why in the world it’s frustrating.

It’s not the crayons, friends.

It’s just motherhood.

So today I want to tell you to exhale and let go of some more of those expectations. Your kids will make messes. They’ll drive you a bit bonkers. They probably won’t like dinner. They might tell you they hate you. They’ll leave their coats on the floor when the rule is hang it up. They’ll make you late. They won’t want to go to bed.

That doesn’t define you. Or your awesome.

And it’s okay to talk about the struggles.

In fact, it’s healthy to talk about the struggles because it makes motherhood real. Talking about the roller coaster days of life doesn’t make us good or bad moms. It’s just us sharing that sometimes we don’t want to make hot cocoa or that we’re tired and yet we all still deep down love those kids.

When you and I dialogue about the tough stuff it creates space for us to love each other and to see the awesome stuff. The truth is that in those tough moments of motherhood that is the place where we become awesome moms. We learn how to negotiate with three year olds. We learn about our own strength. We just give.

So thank you.

Thanks for giving of yourself today for your kids. Thanks for loving them. Thanks for being real. Thanks for opening the door to your homes and letting others in.

Thanks for being a mom.

Not a perfect mom.

Just you.

~Rachel

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