Please don’t tell me I’m strong when I’m in the midst of one of those days when I’ve had enough and feel like I just want to find my motherhood flag of surrender and throw it in but I can’t even do that because someone is calling my name and there is a fight to take care of and some homework project and my neck is tense and my patience thin and worn.
I just don’t want to hear it in that moment of chaos.
Or a fighter. Or supermom. Or amazing.
None of it.
I don’t know. I know I don’t feel like I’m strong when the tears fall and I wonder if I’m a good mom.
(I’m guessing you all can relate to those drive you crazy but really why are they driving you crazy days of motherhood that we all seem to have from time to time.)
Somehow I’ve discovered that when I’m in the middle of the battle of the Horrible Terrible Worst Day Ever that those are the times when I’m kind of tired of having to pull up my bootstraps and be super duper strong. Maybe I’m selfish in those moments or maybe I’ve just had enough or maybe I’m so far from perfect that I don’t see that the unbelievable power in those words which are truly meant to encourage me to keep fighting and moving. Because in those moments I don’t need that type of encouragement coming into the battle field from the sidelines I kind of just need you to be there. Or to know that I’m not a bad mom for having simple everyday things push me to the edge of motherhood patience. Those are the days when the fight is wearing one out, you know.
I think I need to almost hear – no doubt that totally sucks. Or that’s the worst. Or holy <insert what you would like here> that is the day from <again insert what you would like>.
Or empathy. You know like oh my word I hate it when my kids do that. Or I’m sending you some chocolate. Or something. Somehow hearing that I’m amazing when I’m in the middle of motherhood crazy makes me wonder when in the world I can just breathe and be just a little bit human. Human, you know? Not super mortal – but someone who feels and gets tired and hates it when the kids she loves yell that she’s the worst mom in the world.
That stuff is like a dagger in the weary mom’s spirit, in a way.
Or at least on the days when it is so frustrating.
I don’t know what makes some days more frustrating than others. I think you get it. It’s like this layering and layering of little moments – fighting, things spilling, homework forgetten, bills to pay – sprinkled with the words mom every two minutes and thirty-two seconds. By they way, tonight I told my kids to not say my name for at least five minutes because I was trying to regroup and gather my strength.
They lasted 49 seconds.
I counted. I sat at the table and counted the time until they needed me for something.
Oh I really love love love my kids. But somedays being a mom pushes me to my breaking point and I feel like I have had enough and when someone says to me you are so strong I want to snap back that I am tired of being so strong and that I just want to breathe.
Who thought breathing was a part of the motherhood story?
But it is – breathing knowing that one is not alone in feeling exasperated and pushed to the edge over unexplainable things. I know, imagine explaining it the next day like this — last night I had it when they fought over who got the better pair of blue headphones and I stepped in taco meat that fell under the table and then one started crying and then they said my name over and over again and I was just tired and – really? That’s the breaking point?
Here’s the deal. Let’s just be super duper real. Motherhood pushes us. It makes us stand in the kitchen with chaos around and tell them we’re not perfect. And even though deep deep down we are super strong and powerful and amazing and everything others tell us in those moment of crazy maybe just maybe we need to hear two simple words.
Not in that the night will turn out okay – because it will – you’ll make it though. But maybe, maybe just maybe that it’s okay that you feel this way. It’s okay that some nights push you to your breaking point and it’s over things like spilled chocolate milk and three year olds who won’t listen. It’s okay that you’re tired. It’s okay.
We know that we’re strong.
I could remind you of that right now. I could tell you how much you matter and how awesome you are and how you are making the most gigantic difference in the life of your kids. But chances are, if you’re like me and you’ve had one of those days, you don’t want to hear about how amazing you are. You just need someone to be there. Understanding. Not fixing.
Just being a friend.
Loving you when you feel weak – seeing your strength – and just being there.
You’re a great mom even on those days when those creatures make you feel like you’re going to go insane.
You don’t have to be supermom ever.
Just be you.
ps. And if you want to call me supermom I’ll gladly accept it when they’re all asleep, when I’ve got my ice cream and I’m watching a show on Netflix. Or folding laundry.