I thought about writing you another dear mom letter. This letter was to the defeated mom, the mom that was worn, and sitting in a life that looks nothing like the life she had envisioned for motherhood. It was to you, the mom that just is simply tired of folding laundry or dealing with sassing children or whose heart is just a bit weary, tired or lost in the midst of motherhood.
It’s easy to lose one’s heart in motherhood.
It’s easy to mumble words about not really caring or it doesn’t matter or some day it will be different.
And then, then those days of allowing numb or defeat or sadness chip away at the actually very beautiful moments tucked within the normal days of motherhood. The moments like Hannah captured yesterday – the simple raw beauty of motherhood – moments of tender hugs, tucking hair behind the ears, and wiping away damp tears from a three year old’s face. They’re the moments of simple joy and just life lived.
Those moments are the moments that will tug at your heart one day.
You just need to see them again.
You just need to see you again.Â
And you need to acknowledge that heart of yours. Don’t keep telling yourself it doesn’t matter. It does matter. It does matter if you’re hurting right now or are feeling overwhelmed or are just simply tired or wish that someone would see all the awesomeness that you do every day. Now don’t laugh or shake your head or dismiss all that you’re doing. Don’t tell me it’s just what a mom days. Do you know what?
It is just what a mom does.
And it’s awesome and amazing and one of those things that deserves a standing ovation.
I am not joking.
Motherhood is hard. I mean, really, really think about it. You nurture a person. Teach them about life. Love them when they tell you they hate you. Potty train them. Which, by the way makes my top five of least favorite things to do as a parent. If there was a dislike button for parenting moments I’ll put that there. I might even put that at the top three, because seriously, it’s no fun. You hold puke buckets, wipe sweaty brows, mop up spilled milk, vacuum out crumbs out of the back seat, deal with lost homework, you find apple cores stuffed behind dressers instead of being thrown away, there’s the laundry that you forgot in the washing machine, and clothes in the dryer that need to be tumbled again because you left them in there so long that they got wrinkly.
All normal. And all amazing.
Motherhood is a great deal of brushing off the feeling of defeat. It’s that constant refusal of letting the lies of defeat stick to who you are and what you do. This world can easily label and burden you and me and all the mothers of this world with a list of expectations, to-do’s, and must do’s that we start to think we’re not measuring up. If you never did one pinterest project again you would still be an awesome mom. Here’s a secret – I’ve only done one thing from pinterest. Ever. Even though I have boards upon boards with the label things to do and try.
And that pulling up of the boot straps? Well, every single time you count to ten for the tenth time behind the bathroom door before going back and dealing with the four year old (talk about a challenging age) you are pulling up those motherhood bootstraps. The act of pulling anything up requires effort. Work. Work is hard. Work takes strength.
You are full of strength.
Sometimes you forget. I know because I forget it in my own life. And then I fall back into those it doesn’t really matter phrases. But, truth it, you matter. Not because you’re an amazing mom who feels a bit defeated right now, but at the core, because you as a person, who happens to be a mother, truly matters.
Our hearts matter. Your heart matters.
So today, today I step back for a moment and I hold my extra hot caramel macchiato (because that it is what I always get at Starbucks) up to you and I cheer for you, your heart, your motherhood journey, and your journey. It’s a journey with ups and downs and about faces and paths that you never thought you’d ever be on. It’s not really where you’re ending up, it’s the living now that matters.
Live today knowing that today you’re making a difference.
You are amazing.
Someone needed to remind you of it again. And today? Today it was me.
Onward brave mother.
You have life to live.
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22 comments
Cheers right back at you – with my Starbucks Soy Misto. This post said it all and said it all so perfectly.
And cheers back to you Ilene! Blessings on your motherhood journey today – may it be a day of joy and wonder.
Rachel
Thank you for this! With five children 9 and under…. It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed. Like we’re not measuring up or doing enough. I’m tired of trying to keep up. I can’t… At least not alone! By God’s grace….I will keep going.
Nicole – You can’t keep up. There’s freedom in realizing it’s not about keeping up – it’s about being and embracing the moment and doing the best you can in the now.
I love your words.
Blessings today,
Rachel
I was just writing an email to a friend, telling her how I’ve felt as though I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately; feeling lethargic and down. Before pressing send I was distracted and then decided to check Pinterest. There, I found a link to your blog.
With tears already welling up in my eyes, I began sobbing when I read “it doesn’t matter or some day it will be different”. How many times have I said those exact words to myself?
Your words reached me to the core at a time when self-doubt has become my best friend.
Thank you for sharing your words and helping to remind me that I too, matter.
I posted something about moments today…it must be today’s theme. Onward…I loe your blog and insight!
I truly, with every part of me, love and NEED your blog. Thank you. Your words speak to my heart and help me pull up the bootstraps and keep trucking along on this journey as a single mother. Many many thanks.
I recently found your blog. I go to therapy 2x a month just to deal with being overwhelmed as a mom. Your blog is my therapy on the days I don’t see my therapist. It’s just so nice to know that you are not alone in the wonderful world of motherhood. I sometimes get lost in the fantasy that my house is the only chaotic house, I am the only mother that has to wash a load of laundry 3x because I haven’t had a chance to get back down there, I am the only mother that loses her patience. I have 5, 6 if you count the nephew I took in too. It’s overwhelming. My husband works 16 hours a day, I live in major pain with rheumatoid arthritis. Some days I just can’t do it all…and you know what? it’s ok. On the days I forget that…you my sweet woman remind me. Thank you. Bless you.
I haven’t been handling stress well lately, and I keep thinking “This isn’t the mom I want to be.” Some of the things you wrote were like a script from my own head. Then you wrote “you are full of strength.” I desperately needed to change the dialogue in my head, my own definition of myself as a mother. I am deciding right now to change it from “tired and overwhelmed” to “full of strength.” Thank you for that gift today.
I hope you hear everyday how much of a blessing your life and words are to others. Thank you. And good luck on your upcoming trip!
When grown children appreciate their mothers for doing the best that they could — knowing they had imperfect mothers too — that makes all the difference.
Thanks for sharing, I love love love your blog and take time to read it every day. I often cry when I read it because it strikes so close to home. As a working mom, I often feel guilty about the things I miss out on and the rush of life. Thanks for always making me feel worthy and that it is ok to not be perfect!
I love your posts… so true for all of us mothers! I wish I had your positive outlook! Thank you for sharing.
I just had to write and tell you so much for your post. Today was yet another long day at a very demanding job for me. I left at 7am dropped my 2 year old little girl off and on to work I went. I got off from work not until almost 7pm and came home – exhausted and not wanting to do any of the million things that I knew I needed to do once I got home. Then my oldest daughter (I have two – 1 just turned 10 and 1 just turned 2) called me to tell me she loved me. Then my 2 year old ran out of the house saying “My Mama” as clear as day.
You are right – those simple moments just melt everything away. Now as I am about to sit and do my VERY last homework assignment as I graduate this week – I read your post and it just reminded me that to take a step back and put everything into perspective. For that I thank you.
Thank you so much for this wonderful post…my heart needed it. 🙂
Oh my goodness. You all humble me greatly with your kind words. The irony of my writing is I am writing to you just as much as myself. Sometimes I think that motherhood is this lonely place of measuring up and if we can just say enough to the measuring up and yes to the we’re enough we’ll be better.
I appreciate each comment. And as far as the positive outlook – that has something that has had to have been learned. The whole finding joy posture has been a deliberate choice to embrace the little things in what is often a very chaotic life.
Blessings and joy.
Rachel
Still here praying hard!
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
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Thank you for reminding me how to look at this wonderful process as a mother and the wonderful process of growing my soul.
Chava
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You have such a lovely, honest, and inspiring perspective and write about it beautifully. Your blog always picks me up. I have a 13-year-old and a 7-year-old and am a work-at-home mom. It is especially challenging in the summer. Thank you for being such a beautiful voice out there. xoxo
Thank you for this! I’ve had some problems with depression and when I had my baby this spring PPD hit me really hard.
I saw this through facebook and it helped me so much that I dedicated a Pinterest board to your “real mom” post and subscribed immediately.
Your blog pulled me out of my depression and has helped me so much. I still struggle but most of my days are really great now. I feel wonderful, and you are a big part of that!
thank you for all of your posts. My children are older now, 16,14,and 12, but there are still days that as a mom I need reminded of these things. I wish I had your blog when I was a younger me. LOL!