A year ago.
A year ago I was different.
I know we all are, right? But trust me when I tell you that I really was.
I thought I was strong, but in the last year I discovered strength.
Real nitty gritty strength.
It was the kind of strength that I didn’t know I had. I think most of us don’t ever realize how strong we are. We just dismiss it as doing what we’re supposed to do but miss the incredible power in our decisions every single day to keep fighting. And this year? I found that strength and ran with it even though I was terrified.
And I mean terrified.
What if I failed?
But life, my friends, goes by.
Whether you start or wait or wallow in fear.
Fear has a way of keeping us stuck. And sometimes fear keeps us from doing the things that we might love. You see that truck below? I drove that 26 feet of machinery filled with all of my stuff 935 miles from my old home in Minneapolis to my new home in Nashville. And in the beginning I cried in fear. I worried I couldn’t handle the truck. It was windy and I was scared.
I fought it.
But, then after a bit I decided that instead of fighting it I decided to embrace it.
To let myself feel the fear and every single time the fear rolled in I replaced it with words of truth.
I am strong.
I can do this.
I want you to hear those words. Deep in your heart. Especially if your heart is weary in the midst of mothering and life. Because, oh sweet sister, I know how weary it can get. Life has this way of pressing down on our hopes and dreams and replacing them with laundry and bills and relationship issued and a whole bunch of busy.
You are strong.
You can do this.
Let’s get one thing straight.
You are not alone.
It’s know how unbelievably hard it is to admit that. I know. It’s just ridiculously hard to admit that we feel alone in a glittered and bubblegum wrapped world of Pinterest utopian existence. Those bubbles of busy and perfection can keep us trapped. We keep ourselves busy to avoid looking at the mess underneath our feet. And I’m not even talking physical mess, because, if you’re like me your outward world can look perfect but your inner world absolutely shattered.
Shattered isn’t a reflection of your strength. It’s a reflection of a life going by without the pause, the looking in the mirror and the realization that the woman, that would be you, looking back is so worth fighting for.
Right now, sweet sister.
Not when xy or z gets fixed. Not when you have enough money or more time or the courage you dreamed about. Not when you get to your ideal weight. Not when the kids get older. Not when you have more freedom. Not in a couple months.
And this is why.
Life goes by, my sweet friend.
So listen. Listen.
You’re not failing. You’re not alone. You are enough.
And no one has it ever together.
So we’re going to do stuff different. We’re going to start living with joy and happiness now. We’re going to shock our systems and we’re not going to be so hard on ourselves. Because the stuff in life that we grade so poorly is the exact stuff that we should be celebrating. Yes, celebrating.
And that means you now.
Because LIFE GOES BY.
When you stop fearing change you start living.
So what do you fear? Look at it and begin to fight the fear and win.
I believe in you.
You are absolutely amazing. Your words are often what I need to hear/read. Thank you for sharing you thoughts and wisdom with the world. Best of luck on your latest adventure.
This is fantastic! My husband died by suicide in 2015 leaving me a young widow with very small children. I know exactly what it is like to look fear in the face and smile. We are all much stronger, much braver than we imagine. Shine on sister!! Love and light, Nik Tebbe
You nailed it! Life goes by no matter what. We can sit on the sidelines watching and wishing and waiting to be brave or we can dive in and take the risk to do what it takes to love our lives and make them count. It’s not about how old we are, how much money we have, or who may or may not be cheering us on. It’s about going for what you know is right for you and walking through your fears to get there. Thank you for sharing your story and your courage with us.
You are very welcome, Bonnie. I think the more real we are and the more brave we are in sharing our stories that it allows freedom for others to be real and share their stories. And, then, in it all, we all realize that we aren’t quite as alone as we thought we were.
YES! I love this so much. I’m so excited for you that you took the leap and pushed past your fear. Beyond our comfort zones there is a world waiting for us. I’m working on leaping forward. Thank you for this post today!