I lost a bit of me in the last year.
Honestly, I don’t know how or when it happened. On the outside I looked productive, busy, and like I had it together. I ran 1000 miles, was in a high-end coaching program, coached others, my kids were successful at school, we took vacations, and my page grew to almost one million.
Yet, inside, there was a part of me running.
Running from my truth, my heart, my mission.
Because honestly, I started to doubt my own greatness.
Now, before you think, “Wow, that is quite vain….” let me tell you that I believe we all have our own greatness. Our own calling, our own purpose, our own unique vision, our own wonderful voice. Yes, you, and even if you doubt it, I want you to let yourself embrace it, just a bit.
But, back to running. And true north.
Instead of stepping into my story, I spent half of my year trying to fit into the story – the package, the program, the expectations – that others had for me. Here’s the irony – everyone actually wanted me to step into my story – they didn’t want me to assimilate. They all knew I was chasing other things, was unsettled. It was me, listening to decade old voices of inadequacies and newer words that never should have stuck. I started to doubt what I did and paid a great deal of attention to statements that others uttered, but probably forgot. Although, being told I was “washed up” by a member of my editing team years ago has taken a great deal of counseling to unstick.
That’s the thing with words.
They can be powerful – in building up, in tearing down, in keeping others stuck and in granting freedom.
Which brings me back to my superpower – words.
I have no problem introducing myself as a writer. (Or a speaker, for that matter.) And yet, because I allowed the expectations I thought the world had for me – create a course, begin a membership, start high end coaching, sell products, do this, do that – instead of stepping into my story I found myself swirling in a vortex of “what do I do next?” and even worse “do I matter?”
That’s what happens when we lose our true north.
We start to pay attention to the externals and create an internal world with a hypothetical true north and not our own.
And then, we get off track.
We lose our hearts, we don’t know the direction, we feel like we’re going in circles.
Because we can’t see.
Our seeing is clouded with a superimposed image of true north, but it’s not ours. It’s incongruent.
We need our true north.
We need our hearts and our lives aligned.
I need it.
You need it.
Maybe you are running a bit too. Maybe you have paid a great deal of attention to the words that other have said to you and they stick and keep you small. Maybe you lost your true north, your track, your calling.
I want to set you free.
I want you to see your worth.
I want you to find you again.
I want you to feel and live your purpose.
I told a friend the other day that it feels like I do really well, then I get off track and then I’m gently reminded by them of my true north and then I get back on track again. Finding self only happens when you have the courage to pick up your compass and start walking again.
It doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get off track either – I think most of life is spent getting off track and getting on track again and again and again.
It simply means you stop running from yourself and start investing in yourself.
That’s the direction of your soul. It’s your calling, your purpose. Unique to you.
So today, today may I challenge you to do one thing that will bring you happiness, joy or a sense of purpose? Just one small thing, one step back to you. Pick up your compass, dare to try, and invest in you again.
You are worth it.
From me, the writer who forgot how much writing frees her soul, who started writing again, to all of you.
Thank you so much for sharing you’re life with us and your writing. I’ve spent a long time reading your work & following you. I love reading your posts. Thank you for everything you share! Thank you for sharing the grey that not everyone whats to write about, some people just want to write cookie cutter happy go lucky things. True life isn’t always peaches and cream. It brings my heart so much joy finding someone who posts the happy, the ugly, the good, the bad, the meh okay ground of just plain oh everyday life.
I feel this. I feel every single word of this to my core. I was just laying in bed thinking all of these thoughts nearly feeling like I’m drowning in them.
Now what to do about it?!