^^^^^^This is what I want to pound in my brain.^^^^^^^
This is what I want to remember when I go to bed at night and I talk with my friends and I list every single place where I feel like I have failed. I will list the projects that I’m behind in and the leaves that still need to be tended to. I’ll talk about how I didn’t read enough books or that the boys room was a mess again and we had just cleaned it. I will feel that regret when I realize that I answered way too short to simple, and yet repetitive questions simply because I was tired.
This is what I want to remember when the tears of the weight of mothering tumble down my weary trying so very hard every single day cheeks.
These two words.
Motherhood isn’t a race to be the best.
Motherhood isn’t a competition between you and me and the moms at Target and the moms at work and the ideal moms on Pinterest or Facebook’s highlight reel.
Motherhood isn’t about that.
It’s simple, but often forgotten and buried in a world of expectations, really.
Love your kids.
Give of yourself.
Try try try.
Stand up when you fall.
And start again.
Not all of the extra stuff that weighs us. Not worrying if the snack we brought to soccer because it was our turn is cool enough. Not worrying that our kids are behind because another friend’s child is reading chapter books and we’re still on the sight word “the” (trust me – they figure it out eventually). Not comparing our lives with others and feeling like we don’t measure up.
We will have moments like in that clip. Trust me.
You’ll have times where you sit on the front step or in the bathroom behind the door or in your car and you will simply feel like you are not enough.
You are the toughest judge of you.
So mom, learn to love you. Learn to see all the amazing things that you do.
At the end of the clip he said about words (watch it again – and holy moly – it’s awesome filled with words that will bless many) that she was the perfect mom for her kids. Do you ever think about that? I know you are that for your kids. I know, I know, I know. You can probably sit there and list every place where you think you’re falling short. You can list the things you wanted to do or how you messed up here or how you were short with them. I know, because I can do the same.
If you look very closely you might be surprised at just how many ways you are exactly perfect for your family. In fact, maybe you just need to see it today and remember that truth.
You are exactly the mom they need.
You know just what to say when they have a bad dream. Your arms are the ones they want after a nap. You’re the one that sits at the table and works and works and works with them on homework and tells them how awesome they are when they finally remember 7×6. You fold those socks that never match and wash their clothes and know how to determine if it’s clean or dirty without doing the sniff test. You tear up with pride as you watch them dribble a basketball. You help them memorize song lyrics. Your hand is holding theirs as you cross the street. You’re the person on the cellphone with the word Mom as the contact name.
Not mess up, not enough, not doing enough. But mom.
See that today.
Mom. You are mom enough.
(“I’m just not enough… for who?” quote from Moms Night Out)
Hi Rachel! I really enjoyed your interview on EOFire today! So many things you said resonated with me and how I approach life and my blog. My latest post even hits on some of the same things you wrote in this one! Talk about parallel universe:-) Can’t wait to hear you on TED someday. I love TED! Have a blessed day. http://www.lettersfromthetrench.com/no-perfect-mommy-here/
Thank you for your blog!!
you inspired me every day with you amazing kind and supportive works
if i could hug you threw this computer i would 😉
Just wanted to say thank you so much for your words and support. And I also wanted to comment on why exactly I love your blog so much: Almost all of your sentences start with “you” instead of “I.” You offer up your support and understanding, instead of encouraging everyone to be just like you, as the perfect mommy bloggers often do. So thanks again for the encouragement to get through yet another busy day!
Beautiful clip. Thanks for posting.
Thank you once again for your inspiring words. You seem to say every thought that Im sure most of us moms think and worry about. If only…if only..I should of ..I could of…but there is only one of us so we can’t do it all..we try. I thank you for making my day brighter each time I read your words. Have a super day from one Mom to another…:)
This was my first-time reading your blog, my children are grown and I’m a grAndma now, but your article just had me in tears because not only did I do this thing but I still do. I always have wondered if I was enough , did I do enough?
I was that mom though that you described and I know I’m in their cell phones as mom yet I still feel some sort of deep personal failure with my last child, a daughter who became addicted to drugs. She’s fine now and assures me I had nothing to do with it, but I will always wonder. Thanks For your article it was beautiful!