It was morning. I had gotten up early, was intent on getting everything done – quiet time, the dishwasher was unloaded, the garbage outside, coffee in hand and now the two little boys were finishing breakfast – Cocoa Crackles, which are gluten free, from Coscto, in case you were curious. Samuel sat next to me, with his orange bowl full of cereal, and a blue plastic cup filled with about half way with his milk.
Play slapjack with me mommy?
It was the slapjack King, Elijah, asking again to play slapjack. Again.
Not now, Elijah. Let me finish breakfast and then we can play.
It was kind of one of those mumbling mom answers that really isn’t an answer but is rather this answer to just answer. I kept on working on getting all my ducks in a row and forgot about slapjack. That wasn’t enough for Elijah. He came over to the table, climbed up on the bench, and then proceeded to make a spot at the table. And clearing his spot meant pushing a pile of white printing paper that was stacked up over a bit. In the process of pushing paper they hit the turquoise blue cup and yep, there went the milk all over the table, and bench, and dripping over my freshly cleaned floor.
Elijah! What are you doing? You can’t just push papers!
I jumped up and started to mop up milk. Milk that had seeped into the cracks of the bench, and was spreading all over the table soaking papers. Â While I muttered about 18 cents of spilled milk my Elijah had quietly left.
I love him more than I care about spilled milk.
Why, oh why, did I get so exasperated about an accident? It took me probably 48 seconds to clean it all up. And in that time, my sweet five year old was up in his room crying. Grace. Words about grace filled my head, and instead of sitting in irritation at the situation or myself I moved humbly up the stairs. I walked up to his room and saw that wonderful little boy who just wanted to play slapjack with his momma and came over and picked him up. Tears filled his eyes, and my heart hurt.
Elijah. I am so sorry. I love you more than silly spilled milk.
And then I sat there, with him, in a room with early morning sun streaming in, and I thought about how in my own agenda I hadn’t made room for real life happenings. Milk spills. Cereal falls. Toys get dumped. Crayons get colored. Messes happen. I have a choice in response. And then I have another choice to apologize, to speak the truth, and to start again.
Motherhood is messy.
Yes, plain and simple, it’s messy.
I should have looked at Elijah and given him a slap jack answer – a real answer that let go a little bit of my agenda – and told him a time I was going to play with him at this time and then set the timer. He was just getting ready to sit there and wait for me. And there I was, the mom he wanted to spend time with, distracted with her own agenda and then frustrated when it got bumped.
And one day, he will be grown, and he won’t want to play slapjack in the morning, and he’ll pour his own Cocoa Crackles, and he’ll have his own agenda.
So that morning, I was so thankful for the reminder to open my eyes to the real important.
It’s about their hearts.
Grace, my friends, grace.
Motherhood is hard, with bumps and refocusing and growing up and saying I’m sorry and dusting yourself off and trying again. And again. And again.  Learn from those moments, don’t label, and don’t let them define the day.
It’s about grace.
I love you mom.
Those were Elijah’s words back to me.
Wow. I love him way more than that spilled milk.
~Rachel
#slapjackqueenwholearnsgrace
For more encouragement please check out the wonderful Finding joy Facebook page with unbelievably awesome and real moms.
24 comments
Yes. Thank you for this today.
I need to make time in my “schedule” for messes, for life to happen. It is so easy to barrel through the day like a goat and forget the important things!
Wonderful story.
It was grace to me, too.
Emily
http://www.weakandloved.com
Oh yes, I have had many of those moments of ugly and then grace and forgiveness. Many. I think you would really enjoy my latest post on grace for us moms! Of course only if you have time- first play slapjack!! 🙂 (Post in my blog)
THANK YOU!
Thank you for sharing this. I actually had a similar incident yesterday where I was in the kitchen mopping floors and my 4 year old had an accident on the floor in the other room. I was really frustrated at first, but as I decided to soften up, I thought about my girls heart. After that I no longer cared about the pee on the floor, I no longer cared about my frustrations; I stopped what I was doing and told her that everybody makes mistakes and that I was sorry for getting frustrated with her. It is such a beautiful thing to show children that we respect them enough to admit and repent in front of them. I believe it will shape their lives into whole hearted lovers of Christ, and that is all that matters to me!
Thanks for sharing,
Charrise
What a sweet reminder to never lose sight of life’s little moments (that ultimately are the big moments). Thanks for sharing this story with us 🙂
I love your honesty. And your reminder that the small moments can be big moments in our little one’s eyes. Your daily reminders of finding joy are refreshing because it is all about slowing down and enjoying this one life we were given. Such a gift, but we so easily forget. So I thank you for sharing your heart and your stories so that I won’t lose sight of what is most important in my heart and finding my stories.
It’s hard not to snap sometimes because with kids it all comes at us so fast. My friend and I were talking the other day about losing our tempers with our kids. She said she doesn’t always count to ten, but needs to so she can remember what’s really important. Just love. 🙂
Wonderful post and such a great reminder. I am trying to keep this idea in my head and in my words. One day they will not be there and I will be wishing they were still around, but they will have their own agendas and that will be o.k, so for now I must make sure my agenda includes them as much as possible.
Beautiful Post – Thank you.
mmmm. so so good. i have done this myself. working on it….it’s a moment by moment choice, this grace thing
Thank you for your transparency as we read your post, and we can all probably pull a similar experience from our own lives. Your reminder of grace and doing our best to protect and love those little hearts we are blessed to mother is always great to hear.
Blessings
Thank you! This happens so many times a day for me. Just this evening my tired toddler again taught me that slowing down is the faster way! I “didn’t have time to let him help”… Then I had to take the time to apologize and undo (which took longer than just accepting his help). Thanks to your reminders and flylady’s emails I think I’m slowly seeing improvement in my attitude and actions: slow down and enjoy life! I’m soo grateful for your emails.
This is beautiful, Rachel. I’m not a mom, but I deeply appreciate all the times my own mother set aside time to turn on the radio and dance with me or play a round of Canyland. To this day, she continues to make time for late-night phone calls and thoughtful texts, just to let me know she loves me.
My post today is oh so similar to this. I’m do glad to know I’m not alone.
Jill
On a day when I am frustrated by all the “how to be a better mom” articles on the interwebs, this was perfect. You have hit the nail on the head. This is the real struggle. Not making and sticking to some cleaning schedule. I just found your blog and I look forward to reading it each day at naptime!
I’ve apologized on numerous occasions to my son. I realize (usually a couple minutes too late) that my reaction is unjustified for whatever little ‘thing’ it was. My hope is that my grace in his mistakes spills over and he gives me grace for mine, too.
Guess I haven’t cried over one of your posts for a while…’bout time, huh?
I had apple/cinnamon chex for a snack tonight. Gluten free! Very good!
Continuing to pray so very hard!
Psalms 28:1-2 Unto thee will I cry, O LORD my rock; be not silent to me: lest, if thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit. Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands toward thy holy oracle.
My email address
This really hit home for me — especially the part about mumbling an answer just to answer. And then one of the last lines, about how someday Elijah won’t want to play slapjack anymore… that was the encouragement I needed today to be more present. Thank you!
Sara
paperfences.wordpress.com
Your posts really speak to me. They are real about the same things I struggle with each day. Thank you for taking the time to communicate through your posts.
From an encouraged mother of 7.
You have no idea how this hit home with me. I feel like my whole is spilled milk, and I, desperate for order and calm, try to catch my breath between my exasperation and their looks of rejection. Moments, maybe just one a day where I feel at peace, are worth more than I can say. I will be reading your blog daily from now on.
to more moments,
desperate mom trying
I’m like totally bawling while reading this! Thank you for sharing!
I just want to say thank you! Your blog is making me a better mom! God really speaks through you and I am thankful I have found this blog. I struggle everyday and wonder if I am doing the right thing, teaching my son(and soon daughter when she is old enough) and if all my priorities are right. Your honesty has opened my eyes on multiply occasions now. Please don’t stop writing!!!
Thank you for the reminder, I am so happy to have come across your blog.
thanks for sharing..
Thank you so so much for this post. I’m flat up against this issue right now as my daugther is entering into full-blown toddlerland. Your post has touched me deeply. Grace. Yes, this.