It was a frustrating day – one of those days that didn’t end up going like the plan at all. In fact, it was one of those days where the entire day was eaten up doing things not on the schedule. I had been running errands, returning things, driving, and ended up arriving home frustrated and tired. And of course, in my tired state, I wander in the house, a house that’s not exactly how I would want it to be, and I blurt out I am so not happy about this mess to a family who was just happy to see me arrive home.
I could see the kids scurry away.
What happened to it’s so good to see you all? Instead, I let my frustration over some books, toys, and dishes sitting out cloud my idea of happiness – and it wasn’t even that terrible. I just crowded that out with my agendas of cleaning and to-do lists and having everything perfect.
Being a mom takes work and patience and allowing yourself to feel happy and joy in the midst of chaos. That is hard. It’s hard because no matter how much you try to control things – with the color coded charts, cleaning routines, neat rooms, daily schedules – chances are the plan won’t work perfectly. And, in fact, in reality most days won’t function ideally and you’ll end up blurting out something you really don’t mean {like I did}. The toddler will throw a tantrum, the kids forgot their bags, there is nothing to make for lunch, milk was spilled – four times, the five year old didn’t listen, the shower you wanted to take at nine didn’t happen and it’s now three, you have so much laundry that you truly have the title to Mount Washmore, and someone just called last minute and said they’re stopping over — and will be walking into a living room that might look like a mini explosion or science experiment.
That robs at happy – especially if you’re looking for the rare smooth day as the barometer for happy in the midst of motherhood. But, that stuff is also draining. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Sometimes those little things, the spills, whines, yells, and everyday motherhood must deal with it now moments chip away at our energy little by little by little. Don’t let it steal at your motherhood joy. At happy.
So today, today I’m encouraging you to embrace today – even in the messes, struggles, great moments, and ordinary everyday stuff. I want you to open your eyes to the good, the blessings, even in the midst of all the rest. A toddler’s smile. Kids playing together. The sun filtering through the window. A full loaf of bread. Peanut butter in the jar. Books to read. Friends to call. The gift of those children. That your shoulder is the one they want to put their head on when they are tired.
You see, once again, you matter. Those words I wrote on Thursday last week are the truth. You, right now, sitting where you are reading these words that I typed out while sitting on my couch early in the morning, matter. You matter even if your house isn’t perfect, or you have had pbjs all week long, and you have those moments of overwhelm that leaves you wondering what happened to happy and joy? That stuff? That happens. What matters is that you keep going, keep trying, keep learning, keep loving.
I know you can do it today.
My wish for you? For a day filled with happy motherhood moments in the midst of the everyday.
*****
Oh yes, make sure to go back and apologize if you blurt out those phrases like I did yesterday – gather them, tell them you love them more than the mess, and then say you’re sorry. That matters just as much – those moments spent telling them they matter more.
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19 comments
I needed this today. Thank you.
Thank you!
Such wisdom … Thanks for another timely reminder!
I’m pretty sure you were peeking though my window when you wrote this. ha. By 9:30 this morning I’ve already had my three year spit into my drink,I’ve snapped at my husband (twice), experienced 3 tantrums, two cups of dumped water and a screaming toddler hanging on my leg. That’s not to mention the two important phone calls about my son’s special needs and the two glares from my 7 and 8 year old on the way to the bus. And of corse, my house is a mess! Thanks for the encouragement.:) I needed that!
Bless you Liz! Motherhood matters and often it’s just like you mentioned — keep going — you matter!
Rachel
You are a complete stranger, I’ve never met you–but I read your blog every day just to get my daily dose of encouragement for mommyhood. I like it because you have twice the number of children I do, so I feel if anybody understands you do. God has used it many times to help me face a new day. Like today. I have been rearranging my house, turning it upside down to make it better for school and give my kids better bedroom space. You know how it is, it just has to get messy before it gets cleaner, and right this moment, that mess is all over. And today that is my insurmountable project, to finish up and get this house clean. Yet, with four little children, they need attention too and they walk around making messes while I’m cleaning them up. Thank you for this encouragement to keep a positive outlook and to let them know all the while that they’re more important, to keep my priorities right. 🙂
I printed out chore charts today and my hope was whisked away as I read your blog. I am by no means striving for perfection…just training my children. If peace is not found in order than why bother?? Not quite sure what to strive for. I know deep down that peace and joy stem from a spirit abiding in LOVE. So I will work on loving. I am not sure I know how that translates in keeping chaos from stealing peace. But I do know how it translates in my calling as a wife and mother. I often choose my own frustration over a loving response. Either way, I have a lot of work to do!!
It’s so true how the little things like laundry and dishes and yells really wear us down. I used to think I had to be this really strong mom who never let anything get to me and maybe it was easier doing that with only one kid but now that I have two I am being more honest with myself and saying it is hard! But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not totally worth it and the smiles and laughter that come from my kids melt my heart and make me realize how blessed I am. Thank you for the great advice as a new week dawns and there are always more dishes and laundry to be done! Happy Monday!
Rachel, I only discovered you a few weeks ago (via Pinterest? Maybe?), and already your blog has given me some much needed encouragement and perspective. Thank you for writing, really, really truly. Today especially (although I think that with every post, hee hee.)
–Sandi
I needed this today. This last weekend has been a whirlwind of activity. I have felt on edge and this encouragement has greatly helped! Thank you!
Thanks everyone for the kind comments. I appreciate them!
SKW– Keep printing out those chore charts! We’ve got them over here. But, there are many days where we don’t get through them, and it still is a great day. I want you to have hope! Motherhood matters.
Rachel
encouragement … validation …. genuine understanding … priceless. thank you.
I have been away from blogging for quite a while now and have truly missed your blog. You definitely encourage me… at just the right time. My 2 girls are practically grown now so they are no longer on my hip, but feeling needed will always be there. From the days when I wonder what on earth I got done, to the days where I feel like I mattered to someone or conquered the house… I need that motherhood joy. Thanks, Rachel, for the reminder and encouragement!
Thank-you, Rachel, for the encouragement and reminders that we matter. I’ve had a day (make that a couple months) where my lack of accomplishing anything on my to-do list has gotten the better of me. Having an infant who no longer cares for sleep is hard. But your daily reminder that what I’m doing to lovingly raise my children really does matter is so appreciated, and somehow easily forgotten. Thanks for not giving up on us – I hope you’re receiving at least a fraction of the encouragement from your readers as we do from you.
This is one of my favorite passages. Praying that it gives you comfort as well.
John 14:1-3 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
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This is really hard to do. The day you described sounds like a lot of my days lately. But, what I need to remind myself is that maybe my family had a rough day, too. I need to ask myself if I want to add to that for them or take away some of it by being loving and sweet. Loving and sweet makes everyone feel better.
Your blog is truly an inspiration! It reminds me daily that motherhood is a blessing and that I matter and I can do this! Thank you so very much for putting down on paper what you feel in your heart. I will continue to read your blog each and every day.
Thank you! Thank you! for this post. And all of your “keeping it real” posts. I found your blog a couple of months ago, and you have been such an encouragement to me. I tend to live in such a sense of urgency….do this, pick up that, clean this, etc. I am trying so hard to slow down and enjoy it all. I am having surgery this Friday (final reconstruction after breast cancer and double mastectomy), and I am scurrying, scurrying, scurrying around this week trying to GET EVERYTHING DONE before I am out of pocket for a couple of weeks. I am trying to keep my joy while checking off my huge list. I am trying to resist that feeling of being behind. It’s hard. Thanks again for your encouragement. 🙂
Thank you so much for posting this. I needed this !!!