It feels like yesterday I was wandering the aisles of Target eagerly grabbing newborn diapers waiting-waiting-waiting for my first child to be born. Motherhood seemed to stretch out before me — this blank canvas of years waiting to be filled. I had time. So much time.
It feels like yesterday when I was the mother to two little toddler girls — the hardest years of parenting for me — after all it was just me and two very demanding little ones, and I really didn’t know what I was doing. My days were filled with diaper changes, story reading, and me, gaining confidence in being a mother. I still had so much time. So many years.
It feels like yesterday when my oldest, Hannah, turned five years old. A whole hand. She felt so old. I remember pondering how quickly five years went. But then I looked at the sheet of time and rested in the solid amount of years that were still ahead of us.
It feels like yesterday when I’d explore the beaches of San Diego with my three little girls. We’d spend hours sitting on the sand, exploring tide pools, and watching the surfers go in and out. I was homeschooling now. The options were open — so much time — so much learning to do. Precious, sweet years.
It feels like yesterday when my first son was born. I remember the sweet feel of him in my arms as I rocked him in the hospital. I remember the tears rolling down my cheeks when I thought of the day that he leaves, falls in love, and marries. I remember wanting to remember those hours with just him and me.
It feels like yesterday when I sat my kids down and explained to them about cancer. How I told them that they don’t need to be afraid that Daddy has cancer. I remember holding sweet baby Caleb and looking at Hannah, my oldest, and thinking that I saw her grow up just a bit during that conversation. How I wanted to protect her heart — not make her deal with cancer — she was only nine. Half way, I thought. We’ve already made it half way.
It feels like yesterday when we moved to this house. I remember the kids running around in circles on the main level. My little toddler boy, Brennan, with baby Caleb crawling behind. Gracie was growing up. Hannah and Chloe seemed so old. I began to wonder how time was going so fast — when did they start getting so old?
It feels like yesterday when we had our three girls and then three boys. We settled into a routine. Yet, each day seemed to churn through at a faster and faster and faster pace. Now Caleb was little like I just remember Chloe being. Gracie was just starting homeschooling. And those older girls? They were growing up. Too fast. Too fast. Too fast.
It feels like yesterday when Samuel was born. I remember the drive to the hospital — the excitement of walking through Target right before picking up a new memory card for the camera — the joy as we held him, our seventh child, the first time. He was so little. So sweet. His childhood spread out before me like a blank canvas waiting to be filled.
It feels like yesterday when they were all little.
Sometimes I wish I could slow down the days of motherhood.
Just for a moment.
I didn’t think it would go this fast.
Sometimes I miss those older ones of mine when they were little.
They only stay that way for a teeny window of time.
Soon it will be yesterday.
*sigh* So true. I’m not a mother yet, but I can’t believe how fast my younger siblings are growing up and how fast my life is going. I remember rushing through my school and now highschool has been over for a long time… its crazy. I find myself sounding more and more like my mom as I watch my teenaged sisters rushing through their days, “Hold on! Don’t try to grow up too fast! It goes so quickly!”.
My heart goes out to your oldest daughter. I was still a little girl when my dad had to sit me down and tell me about cancer. My mom is now a ten+ year cancer survivor and I thank God that she is still here and has had three children post-cancer (we also have seven children in our family, one having special needs).
I just recently found your blog and its been a blessing to visit! May our Lord bless you and your family!
I so enjoyed reading this…seeing you savor the moments. Great post…they grow way too fast and we need to take the time to appreciate each moment.
apparently only Rachel’s are commenting this morning! should we make your blog BY Rachel’s and FOR Rachel’s all the time? ; )
sorry, I got sidetracked there, I just wanted to say that this is a beautiful post, you have such a great way with words.
This could be my favorite post ever of yours. It’s beautiful with such a tender perspective. You know I related well to the part about having the two and it being the most difficult time. : ) and all while trying to figure things out… Gaining confidence and such. That’s right where I’m at. Thank you for always serving as a source of great encouragement.
I totally stepped inside of Hannah’s shoes for a moment. I was 9 when my dad died. I remember the maturity that comes with it. I see it in Hannah. She’s such an example.
Hugs to you on this day. And Happy Mother’s Day on Sunday!
*Love*… so true.
Love this post. Yes, time passes much too quickly
This sums up my feelings so well…my oldest is about to turn 5 and go off to all day Kindergarten. I feel this urgency to soak up these moments where he is here all day because soon the dynamic will change. Our 3rd is turning 1 at the end of the month and I just want to freeze him right where he is…after the whirlwind of the first two being 13 months apart I have really been able to enjoy this time with a baby knowing that all too soon he will be grown.
Sigh…it’s the way it is meant to be but it feels hard at times. Just a great reminder to live in the moment each day and to suck all from life that you can!
aww so bittersweet! i feel like the moments just fly by and there are so many I selfishly want to hold on to…
just change the names up a bit and you have my sentiments EXACTLY…so glad you wrote this today 🙂
It seems like yesterday that I had three kids at home, laughting with them, helping with homework, fixing them dinner. I didn’t enjoy those times as much as I should have and now my youngest leaves for college this year. Enjoy those times.
I will enjoy my last months of kids at home.
What a precious post and oh so very true. My littlest one, #10, is almost 2 months and the time is going so fast. My oldest is 20 and sometimes I just want to stop the clock. We all need to just slow down and savor the moments. Blessings to you!
You make me cry! And teach me to appreciate today…I have the little ones right now…but it is already going so fast…my first is soon to be six.
I think this so often. The children love to hear “their” stories..how they were born, how they grew up, memories upon piles of memories. I often find myself marveling at the mother I once was and the mother I am now. It truly was just yesterday.
I am eagerly awaiting the birth of our 3rd child, and I have to remind myself of this. ENJOY each day, because it IS exponential! Not to mention that I’ll have two babies 7 months apart in a few months, so I need to slow down and soak it in! THANK YOU for this reminder!