dear moms with a messy house

Yeah, the messy house.

The house that inevitably someone will show up at your door on the day that it’s the worst versus the day when it was spotless. The house, that if you’re like me, makes me want to slightly scream in frustration and then go on to utter words like no one cares about keeping things clean and wasn’t this just clean? as you wander throughout the home picking things up here and there.

Here’s the deal. You have kids. And having kids means that inevitably sometimes the house will get messy unless you’re following them 24/7 and allow no toys out and have forever banned playdough and paint. Here’s the second deal – if you’re house is messy it doesn’t define you as a mom.

But, before I give the green card and the go keep racing past go to keep the house messy card, I’m going to tell you that we as moms can work together to keep our homes organized. Yes. Work together – and that often is through talking about the challenges, struggles, and managing the home  versus plastering on the smile of perfectionism and running ourselves ragged trying to keep it at a pinterest perfection ideal. An inevitable messy house moment is bound to happen, but chronic messy? Well, for me, I just can’t do that for too long until I pull out the large glad bag sack and start filling it with stuff to donate or throw. I’ve found that my kids behave better when things are in order. Just the other day I deep cleaned the boys room and when I was done they danced with joy in the room and played for hours in their organized room. And yep, it got a bit messy again – that’s okay – they’re kids and they’re playing.

But, you’ve overwhelmed with where to start? Right?

Just last week I chatted with my dear friend Tara at Feels Like Home about homes and messes and clutter and you guessed it, my words? Do one thing. Find one thing and do it and do it well.

So, for me, I’ve found the one things – laundry that’s not too behind, a clean living room, a tidy island -that make me feel better about my home and I’ve set goals for the home. Are they always kept? No. Remember I have little ones wandering around who are curious creatures that I don’t want watching television all the time and I encourage playing, exploring, and learning. Part of being curious means that they naturally make messes. That is how they learn — so they mix the colors and markers and crayons. And want to dump out the legos and mix them with the lincoln logs and the army men.

My first instinct? Absolutely not. One thing out at a time and put that away immediately and then vacuum the floor. But, I can’t be like that. Instead, I’ve learned to sigh just a bit and let the mixing up of toys go and instead embrace the joy and learning. Then we clean later. They know that we’re going to tidy after lunch and clean at night. It’s good to teach order and responsibility.

So, dear moms with a messy house, my words to you first would be that your home doesn’t define you as a mother. Not at all. Don’t compare. Don’t compare your house when you have toddlers with your dear friends home who only has teens. Don’t compare it with the Family Fun magazine that arrives with the color coded baskets and neatly stacked books. Do not compare. Learn.

Then I would tell you to work to create spaces within your home that are clean and organized – a sanctuary of sorts where you can sit and rest and relax. Make it your entry area – that way when people drop in and the remainder of the house has remnants of the fort built and paper airplanes around and 47 army men mixed with duplos scattered about you can usher them into the living space and just breathe.

And don’t apologize either if it’s messy. Just let that go – that’s being real. Honest. And it breaks that cycle of everyone needing to have their homes show ready 24/7. Being real means giving grace.

And then, moms, just that do one thing. Identify the trigger areas in your home that create the mess {like my kitchen island – if that goes – then the kitchen goes} and whatever you do try to keep it clean. Guard it. Try to go to bed with that one area clean. And if you don’t? Do it in the morning. It’s the keep trying, the keep moving, the not comparing, the not letting the house pull at your joy that matters. The last one? The one on joy? That’s hard for me – as a too messy home makes it harder for me to feel content – which is why I work so hard to keep certain areas clean.

Remember, dear moms with the messy house, one day the little ones that travel around messing things up will one day be gone and your house will be spotless. I know I’m telling you this again, but it’s so good to be reminded. Your house at one point will be exactly how you want it, but you won’t have little one’s around – picking you flowers, coloring pictures, dumping out legos to make you the best creation ever, splashing water from the tub – that will be over and you will inevitably miss the days where the home seemed a wee bit too chaotic.

So work hard. Don’t give up. It is good to aim for neat and tidy – just remember this is a season.

From one mom who fights the mess but looks for joy to another.

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