It’s that day that goes off track at 9:04 am and you want to throw your arms in the air and grab the Ben and Jerry’s from the fridge and turn on TLC and watch A Baby Story marathon and you’re wishing that it was tomorrow and you don’t know how to finish and the kids are fussing and you’re totally behind and really you’re out of breath.
Stop.
Just stop. For a moment. Just for a minute and listen.
In fact, often, it feels impossible.
It’s this battle in wondering if it really matters what you do. You’re doing it day in and day out and you’re still feeling behind and racing to try to catch up to this undefined bar of normal. Remember back before they were born? And how you dreamed about crafts on the table – you never imagined the spilled glue and glitter and paint on the face and that they didn’t really care about doing that fabulous fall pumpkin craft where you glue on wiggly eyes – or the perfect day with nutritious and organic breakfasts or the Pottery Barn inspired family room with cute baskets and chalk write on labels or the mornings with a quick check off routine and laminated charts with adorable stickers and all of that?
I remember. But that? That was just what I thought real motherhood would look like and what a catalog or media told me what they thought it might look like. Oh, there are moments that work – but, really, the cute wicker baskets with chalk write on labels – if I had them – would stay like that for a day or so until someone decides to draw faces on them or pulls them off. So lets just look at real.
Real is the everyday.
Get up at the crack of dawn. Try to find underwear in the clothes baskets that still needs to be folded. Pour cereal in a bowl. Look for school papers. Change diapers. Wash dishes. Sweep floor. Read stories. And on and on and on. That’s normal. That’s real.
It’s just hard to see what we do finish because it’s stuffed behind layers and layers of to-dos and don’t dos and feeling like you’ll never measure ups and feeling behinds and all of that. And that? That’s why I want you to stop.
Remind yourself of all you do accomplish each day.
Maybe it’s crazy and chaotic and loud – do I get the loud – and frenetic but also tucked within there are moments that one day will be gone. The kids will grow, the noise will lessen, the kitchen counters will actually stay clean, you’ll get all the sleep that you want, you’ll only have a couple loads of laundry a week and you know what? You’ll miss this, this crazy of the throw in the towel days, just a bit.
I know it’s hard some days. I know. And I know we struggle with those thoughts of I’m failing. I’ve read your comments – but you know – your comments make us real. Lets be real and encourage each other. Lets tell people that we struggle and have hard days and need a friend – and then let us be a generation that doesn’t sit in it but instead rises up, brushes ourselves off, and seeks to try again.
We’re in this motherhood race together.
Look at everything you’ve already done today. Look at when you did great – when you didn’t flip out over spilled milk or when the laundry was caught up or when you just decided to forget about getting the dishes done and instead picked up your toddler and read the same book over and over and over.
Celebrate that today. Don’t throw in the towel. Wipe some dishes.
Now, pick your self up, and lets do this day well.
Linking mothering arms with you.
*****
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60 comments
Thanks for this. Yesterday was certainly one of those “throw-in-the-towel” days for me. A day when I felt like I was drowning. Sometimes it is so hard to stay positive and not let the crazies throw you out of focus. I really needed this reminder. 🙂
I am a single mother of a very strong willed little two year old. Thank you for letting me know I am not the only mommy who wants to go to my room and scream into a pillow. When I wake up in seven hours I will have a goal set for my day : when I feel I want to throw the towel in, I’ll pull it out of my back pocket, brush my hands off, and fold it nicely to use for the next unbelievable “did you seriously just open that” moment
wow….just sat down at my computer because I had decided to throw in the towel…kids are watching a movie instead of doing school…eating some junk food just so they’ll leave me a lone…then, read your post…going to try to do the rest of this day well. Thank you.
I’ve had too many of those days to count and as always reading your blog helps me to know that I am indeed not alone. Many many thanks <3
I swear every time that I’m not gonna cry reading your words…..And every time I cry. Thank you
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Thanks, I needed that!
Thanks, I needed that!
You, Rachel, are a gift straight from God! Thanks for always speaking to our hearts!
Everytime I read your blog it’s spot on! Refreshes me and always seems to be just what I need to hear. I’m really trying to to focus my life and not place so much importance on what others think. I’ve lived my life far too long allowing it to almost solely influence my mood and thoughts. Thank you for your words!
I’m so glad I found your blog. It’s true, you are so right. So many of the people around me are doing everything the way it’s supposed to be. Their houses are clean, dishes are always put away, laundry is caught up, toys are where they belong, they go on dates with their husbands. Not me, not hardly ever, and certainly not all at the same time-or even in the same week. I am done comparing, that is just not my reality. If I want to read my kids a book instead of do dishes, I will. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to clean the house, but I cannot do it all, at least not all the time. Thank you.
I feel like a constant failure. Thank you for reminding me to treat myself the way I would treat my best friend. *unclenching now
There are so many days that I want to lock my bedroom door, crawl underneath my covers and watch really bad reality tv for an entire day. You feel like giving in to the stress and chaos of your own house. I feel like I should be able to do it all, but in reality I can’t. And that is OK. Reading your blog this morning I was reminded how important it is to just let some things go and embrace the mess and the chaos and of course the kids!
Thank you!
Yep, yesterday was definitely one of those day for me! I recently found your blog through a friend, and I’ve also been reading the book One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. Between those, I was having a good few days, and I really thought, Hey, maybe I’m finally getting this! Ha! Yesterday came along and it all seemed to go right back to square one. I guess needed the reminder that there WILL always be struggles. And then another reminder from you today that it’s okay. Now today is definitely a dust-myself-off kind of day. Thank you for continuing to be real and encouraging the rest of us moms to do so as well!
I just sat down to have a minute while the kids throw toys all over the living room. It’s one of those days. In fact, it’s one of the weeks. Thank you for your encouragement. I need to remember that these days are fleeting. Thank you!
How do you know exactly what to say? These letters are a blessing for me. Thank you.
Amazingly inspirational, Rachel. You’re a wonderful mother. xo
I’m glad I found this. Thank you.
Oh yes. I totally pictured myself doing crafts, sewing cute dresses and knitting for my baby. I saw us eating homemade everything and I was a fabulous cook. With plenty of time to drink my tea and read several books. HA! But I keep telling myself that soon those days will come b/c my baby won’t be a baby anymore. So I remember to just stop and enjoy today.
I came across the link to your blog on my Facebook page and I am so glad that I clicked on it. Earlier tihs morning I was in tears because it was on of those days. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone and it is okay if everything isn’t perfect. Your blog has found a spot in my favorites tab!
Thank you for this! I just recently found your blog and it has been a lifeline for me. I’m a blessed mom to four amazing children, all of whom have some degree of special medical needs. My youngest has been hospitalized since mid-July and talk about feeling like a total failure on the parenting front?! Trying to stay with her while still parent my other three from 60 miles away and keep work happy and the house standing and bills paid has felt truly impossible. Thanks for helping me put and keep things in perspective at a time when everything around me seems to be falling apart!
I don’t know you, but I want you to know that I am praying for you. Right now.
I hope your youngest can come home soon.
Oh how I hear you and your loving encouragement! If you would, please read my latest post which is also another view of how moms get so discouraged and how we can triumph in our “Motherhood Mission”… anyone in need of more encouragement, please click on my name! Praying it too, helps as much as this lovely article!!
Today is that day. And I cry. Because I dont see it getting better, but thanks for giving me hope that it might
I live in a very affluent area, but we are not affluent. Even on my best days I feel I can’t compete with the Moms with maids and nannies and even personal chefs that live in 1.5 million dollar homes. I’m a real mom that sometimes wears yoga pants to drop off her kids at school, while others are wearing designer clothes, fresh from the salon hair, driving their Lexus/BMW/Range Rover… I know that I am blessed with a fantastic husband and two wonderful kids and this may even seem pretty ridiculous and whiny to some on the board. But I feel like I’m having a hard time just being myself and coping with the feeling that I need to compete even though I can’t compete. I also know that things aren’t always what they look like – maybe I’ll have a better relationship with my kids because I’m actually there and involved in their lives. I clean up messes, cook their food, and I care for them all day long. But in our town, the bar for “normal” is set way too high and I’m left feeling discouraged and run ragged every day. I know this wasn’t exactly what your post was about – but it’s what it made me think of.
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I’m a man who loves a single mother of four so I follow blogs like yours to understand better and because in some ways because it makes me feel closer while I am away.
I read something interesting recently about 1 Timothy 2:15, which could be controversial if read the wrong way. However, the way it was explained in the reading was that raising kids (and all the other things you talk about that it entails) is one of the things Christ views as worthy of great reward in eternity.
Moms are the most humbling creation of all. No one has as hard a job as you. You all do so much and so few that haven’t been through what you have been through truly understand. I know for sure that a “Well done” and even likely a “Very well done” is waiting for moms.
Thanks for your posts. I always enjoy.
Today not one of those days for me. But I know those days. For me, failure would be not enjoying the wonderful option that I have been given to stay home and raise my son. Sometimes, I do not enjoy it because I let the dumb stuff get to me. But your blog helps me get over the dumb stuff. It is so comforting and refreshing to hear that I am not the only one. It gives me the courage to dust myself off and try again. I LOVE IT!
I so appreciate that SOMEONE is willing to say that our lives do not look perfect like in a magazine or everything else society tells us we ‘should’ look like. Life is real! And our littles will only be little for so long and then they are off to college (we had that this year and it’s a completely different posting topic). Thanks again for being REAL!
Thanks. 🙂 I’ve had one of those days today. You know it’s going to be a tough day when the kids are up all night, and by the time you finally fall asleep around 6am, desperately hoping for some much needed rest, there’s a cry of, “She pooped on the carpet!!!” Ugh.
Thanks for this.
I am a SAHM to a two and expecting a third, I just happened to have a 10 minute overlap between nap time for the youngest and when I have to pick the oldest up from Pre-School and stumbled on this. Thank you for not only reminding me that it is okay to not have the dishes done, know what I am going to make for dinner or be able to find matching socks for either of them but also reminding me to take them to the park and for a walk instead of worrying about it.
Thank you, I cried reading this! I have been struggling this week so hard, and I needed to hear this…so thank you for your wonderful words of encouragment:)
Warmly,
Tori
I am truly blessed by reading your blog. It’s been a tough day, one that has left me in tears as did your blog. THANK YOU for allowing God to use you to speak to so many others.
Your blog found me just in time. A friend posted Dear Mom who thinks she is failing. I’ve been reading since. Thank you for being honest and real! Your words encourage me and make me feel less alone. Thank you! God bless!
This is why “mom-bloggers” are awesome. Today is a “throw in the towel” kind of day. But now it’s naptime so maybe we can start over.
With every post you write, I find myself becoming stronger, more positive and especially more meaningful with myy kids. Thank you.
Wow! From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this post. I can’t tell you how much I needed it. I’ve never read your blog before – not really sure how I found it. I was definitely meant to read this post today. Going to wipe some dishes before bath time. 😉
comforting to know others feel the same way I do. Thanks for this post!
So well written and so very true! Thank you, I needed to read this today (and on so many other days). 🙂
so … i’m crying again reading your blog. but, today it’s because i’m in the fast-forward spot of missing some of those things because i share custody of my son. i long for so many of the things that make us want to throw in the towel. it sounds weird, but i appreciate those ‘nuisances’ so much now. i work full-time outside of the home so i can’t relate entirely to moms who work full-time inside the home but i get it. i just miss it and … i want more babies. anyway, you’re a beautiful soul and i appreciate you.
Oh, Rachel, this is so me lately!
–Gena at Ichoosejoy.org (who hasn’t been choosing joy this week ).
Thank you my very thoughtful daughter.I appreciate this very much,but truth be I love it when it gets crazy.Because when it’s all said and done,I get to look back at my day and feel good that I was able to juggle everything.It feel great when everyone that counts on me got to wherever it was that they needed to be. I love what I do everyday,and I’m thankful for the life I have as a Mom and Grandmother.
Whatever does or doesn’t get done during any given day…if you can give your kids a hug and tell them you love them…it’s all good!
Praying in Seattle!
Psalms 28:6-7 Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
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Your blogs give such encouragement!! It’s so hard being a younger mom, going through school myself as I get my kindergartener through school as well. So many days, I just want to hide under the covers and cry until it goes away…but then my daughter brings me an “I love you” card she made just because, and I am reminded why I’m doing this.
I needed this today. Unfortunately we read no books today, watched too much tv, and I didnt find much time at all to just enjoy the small moments with my sweet babies. Hoping tomorrow is fresh, new, and way more put together.
I really needed to hear this today and have my good self-pity cry. Thank you!
Made me tear up and remember what really is important and sometime I am awesome and don’t yell over spills and enjoy the cuddles, laughter, reading the same book, and listening to them laugh as we swing and chase each other around the yard. I don’t think that one day There will be less laundry and a cleaner house and it will only be me and the husband. Thank you for making me re-think about my house and attitude
Thank you we have had a lot of those day resently. Tomorrow is going to be better and i will not give up.
I am a single mom. I feel like this a lot. What you wrote is beautiful and soooo true. Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for reminding I’m not super woman and it’s ok.
Just…. thank you for that…. and all of those, who put a comment over here. Now I know I am not alone 🙂
Thank you. This blog, like most of yours, makes me realize I’m not alone, that I’m not failing, that I may actually be a decent mom. I have 3 girls, all under 4 years. My husband works all the time, late nights and weekends. I always have dishes laying on every counter. My Kidd leave crumbs smashed into my carpet. Diapers, bottles, sippy cups that need filled as soon as my butt finds the chair, broken toys, TV, boo-boos, bandaides, dishes, vacuum, breakfast, lunch, dinner, 3 snacks, clothes all over, handprints, ….so much more. Failing always comes to mind and I forget to enjoy the small things because I’m worried about what needs done that I can’t do because I have to work around nap times. When I read your posts, it makes me cry, because at my lowest points when I feel completely alone, because I know I couldn’t be more wrong. I’m not alone. Every mom has the same struggles.
Thank you for putting me back into the person I need to be, mom. Thank you for reminding me that the chores that need done aren’t important. My children are important and they need me more than my dishes. Thank you for helping me through another day.
thank you so much. my husband is away for military training–for the first time–and I love him and am so proud of him–and I am here running his business and being mom to my 5 yr old who ,is throwing up and my two year old who wants to potty train and I don’t, and he’s having separation anxiety and won’t sleep, and the baby is teething. To know that I am not the only one, and be reminded that there are still precious moments, and to look at the sink full of dishes and the crusty high chair and for the first time not to feel guilt is so vital to me right now. thank you.
I needed to read this today. My little guy came out intense, then had wicked colic for 4 1/2 months and now remains a fussy little baby who recently will not stay asleep for naps. I was losing my mind all last week and decided to just hold him for his naps today. I needed him to sleep. But you know, my plan backfired. He slept but then there was no alone time at all. No time to do anything. I was holding baby or watching baby or holding baby or watching baby. And he was still a fussy little monster. The dishes weren’t done. The diapers were not stuffed and the wipes not made. The dogs were out of water. I had not showered in 2 days. And so today I felt so defeated, so tired, so much a failure. I missed the moments that I should have savored because I was so frustrated. Thank you for writing this. I needed to read it today.
Thanks for this. It’s like you are looking in my window. Going to print and save it to read on the hard days. <3
I just came across this blog. Thank you so very much. I have a 6 year old that goes to school every day. Then I am at home with my 2 year old and 4 month old. My 2 year old is my hardest. Has been since he was born. And I always feel like I just want to give up with him. Thank you for the reassurance that I am not a bad mom for thinking this way and that things will get better. I really appreciate the time you took to share this.
I’m so glad I found your blog. It’s true, you are so right. So many of the people around me are doing everything the way it’s supposed to be. Their houses are clean, dishes are always put away, laundry is caught up, toys are where they belong, they go on dates with their husbands. Not me, not hardly ever, and certainly not all at the same time-or even in the same week. I am done comparing, that is just not my reality. If I want to read my kids a book instead of do dishes, I will. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to clean the house, but I cannot do it all, at least not all the time. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this. I had tears as I was reading. It is so nice to know we are not alone. God bless you and your family!
So good to read your letters. I battle the voice of failure daily and it’s a real struggle not to give in. Those hard days feel like my every day and to have someone remind me I’m not alone is everything. There is noone else in my life who keeps me going like you blogger mamas….thank you for the encouragement!
My biggest failure isn’t the house messes (yes they drive me crazy most days) or the laundry overflowing (seriously can I get 1 day off?) but it’s the failure of not homeschooling well enough. I’m constantly wondering what other homeschooling families are doing right now. How many math pages they did without a fuss, all the fun messy projects they actually want to do, the interest in learning! This is my first year homeschooling and I already want to quit. Mainly because I dont like how its going and my son whines and cries every time I say it’s time for school. I love your blog, but I sometimes wonder, how does she homeschool?
To say that I’m ecstactic for your book to come out would be an udnerstatement. The letters you write to moms out there, especially this one, hits close to home. I need to hear the words you write as they do help me feel normal and on some days make me feel like I’m not a loser in this parenting world. Thank you!