We are all moms.
How we became moms doesn’t define our motherhood. Some of us have adopted, fostered, delivered babies with meds, and some without, we’ve had c-sections and yet, that doesn’t matter – we are all still at the core and heart – moms.
But, sometimes we struggle.
We may struggle thinking that we wish we could have done it this way or should have done it that way. Yet, sweet mom, it’s truly not how we became moms that really matters – it is what we do after we become moms that ultimately matters.
After I had Caleb I felt defeated. His labor was long and hard and medical interventions had to take place – things that in my mind I never wanted to deal with – and then I came home with guilt. Like I wasn’t strong enough, worthy enough, brave enough, if only I had just tried more. Those days spent home with my sweet boy were being tainted by this ideal of how he should have entered my arms. Until one day, a sweet friend told me, how he came to your doesn’t ultimately matter – it’s him right now, in your arms that matters most.
Moms. Listen to me. I know some of you are hurting right now because you are struggling with your own mom story. You’re are holding onto labels, hurts, ideals, and letting those ideas taint the gift of this moment.
Let it go. Or at least try.
What matters is today.
Today when you pick that child up and tell them that you love them and you give of yourself making pbjs and wiping noses and reading stories and rocking newborns in chairs in the wee hours of the morning. It matters that you drive your eleven year old to their classes and wait in the car and pack them sweet notes. Being a mom matters more than how we became moms.
Sweet, sweet, sweet mom. You matter. Today, embrace the child and the gift of being a mother. Embrace it. When they look at you – they see mom – they will never ever ever judge how they came into your life. Love them. Give of yourself. Pray for them. Embrace the ups and downs. Don’t give up. But, ultimately, again, love them. Unconditionally.
Motherhood is a beautiful blessing.
Your children need you.
~Rachel
#findingjoy
15 comments
You rock, Rachel! Thank you for sharing your gift with all of us. Motherhood is hard, no doubt, but I am so grateful for my little boy! Wouldn’t trade him for anything! Thank you for helping me be a better mommy!
I totally needed this today! I am struggling with my own mother story at this very second, and you reminded me that how I was mothered does not matter. Its how I love and nurture my little boy that DOES. THANK YOU for helping us all! You rock!
I totally needed this today! I am struggling with my own mother story at this very second, and you reminded me that how I was mothered does not matter. Its how I love and nurture my little boy that DOES. THANK YOU for helping us all! You rock!
Every blog of yours feels like it was directed right at my heart. This was like every other entry beautiful! I definitely have my own struggles of feeling less than with my kids births.
i love your blog, I love your words. I needed that. I just wish it didn’t matter to the world either how I became a mom. Thank You again for another great post.
As always, your words are beautiful and encouraging! I love the pictures that you use to make your message all the more powerful. Just lovely. 🙂
Oh my! In sitting here in tears- this could be written just for me yet so many other mums feel the guilt & pain I feel at not being good Enough- your strong words “just let it go” resound in my heart as a word from the Father- so much we can’t change or control & getting stuck in that is a huge waste of the here & now & a stolen joy from today- thank you for your wisdom
6 c-sections…no “natural” deliveries…yes, it still bothers me even though my youngest just turned 22…then my youngest died from a miscarriage. What I’d give to have had 7 c-sections!
Know that I’m always praying!
Psalms 31:5, 7-8 Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth (7-8) I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities; And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy: thou hast set my feet in a large room.
My email address
I have 3 beautiful boys; 9, almost 6, and 3. My middle and youngest with both born by a last minute c-section. That was so not what I wanted. The doctor I had at my two c-sections was not my own doctor. I’ve spent almost six years feeling anger at what I felt he took from me and getting me to agree to a c-section and not listening to me. I think at times I’ve been mad at my husband for not standing up for what he knew I wanted. I’ve spent even more time mad at myself and guilty over letting myself be talked into something I didn’t actually need. But your husband was right; it doesn’t matter how they come to us it just matters that they’re here. Just reading those words has helped release somethings in me tonight that have sat in me way too long. Thank You for this post. 🙂
Thank you for your blog. Simply-thank you
Thankyou. With my first born also being called Caleb this post was like you were just reading my mind. I am on the journey of recovery after a long hard labour, lots of drugs and ultimately a c-section. Thankyou for sharing. You have given this first time Mummy a little bit more light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for this! I really need this, and I really have to tell myself this more. I have lost 8 babies (one of them named Caleb!) and for the longest time thought I would never be a mom. Then my husband and I became foster parents and led us to our (now) sons (who were already named) Clayton & (wait for it…) Caleb! We believe it was fate! I know that I am so lucky to finally be a mother while so many others are still crying because of their empty arms, so why should I cry just because I didn’t birth them myself?
I get a daily email from your blog but I happened to be browsing and found this one. I have a biological son and a step son and when I read this is really hit me with me step son. Unfortunately he does not see his mother and I am a stay at home mom so I am with him all day everyday. It made me think “yes this is so true I may not have given birth to him but he is mine and I am his mom” Thank you so much for the inspiration everyday!
I LOVE reading your posts, and I was especially excited to stumble over this one, because, you see.. I am a momma with empty arms. We have been unable to have children of our own and are still fighting for that chance in whatever way possible. But I’ll admit, I was a little sad not to hear anything of “being a mother in Zion, even if you’re not blessed with children in this life.” Maybe you could consider a post of that nature in the future?
I am dealing with the label of mother or lack there of. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and he has two beautiful children that live with him full time. Sometimes, I feel inadequate because I am not their real mom, I didn’t have their first memories, and they don’t have to love me. Sometimes I get hurt because they call for their mom that isn’t there, when I am. But, I will be in their lives for the rest of mine and my hope is that they will one day be grateful that they had me in their lives… just like I hope I will be.