don’t be sorry, brave warrior mom

I’m sorry.

That’s what I’ll say when I’m really feeling the weight of a busy life.

I know you get it. You know it’s those days when you just feel like you’re messing up even when you don’t mean to be doing that. Or when you can’t handle one more thing. Or or or… well, let me explain.

The two words – that I’m sorry – will come out and I’ll feel guilt and I’ll think to myself why can’t you have it together, Martin? (What I call myself in those angsty moments) and why is this making you sad?  and if you only did this you wouldn’t feel so much all the time.

Wouldn’t feel.

Sometimes this world of motherhood is full of all these moments where we have to shove down the feelings that we have deep inside and pull up the boot straps and plow through the day. That feeling, that worry, that loss and that emotion gets shoved under the surface hidden by layers of dishes to do and homework sheets to find and crazy expectations of do it all that we so often press on ourselves.

We push through life with I’m fine’s and yet wonder why deep inside we’re not.

And if you’re like me, you’ll say those I’m sorry words.

Sorry for simply feeling.

Brave mom. That’s where you are or where you might be or where life just is –  and there is no apology needed ever for feeling. Feeling overwhelmed, alone or needing a friend who just sits down, listens and gets it. Man, what a gift it is to have someone who gets us. Where we can be real without the worry of them judging us or worrying what they think but just in knowing that they will stick with us even if we’re just a mess.

Sometimes we push through life thinking that if only we had it more together we wouldn’t need to feel this way. We think we’re comparing apples to apples but really we’re comparing apples to oranges and grading ourselves on a scale that doesn’t count.

Our emotions count.

Those days when you’re feeling overwhelmed for whatever reason or lost or worried or all of it counts. Those emotions aren’t there as a judge of motherhood ability – they’re simply part of being human.

Supermom and those expectations chip away at the raw bit of real human that we are.

Emotions teach us.

Shoving them aside with I’m fine’s and it doesn’t matters and all of that oftentimes means shoving away us in the process. And over the last year I’m all about not losing us in the midst of motherhood.

You see you are worth fighting for you.

You are worth allowing yourself to look at that overwhelm and feeling it and figuring out what to change not what to hide.

You are worth giving yourself grace for a break.

You are worth calling a friend and saying you need a friend.

You are worth all those gold stars of awesome that you’ve said nah it’s no big deal when it’s really a big deal.

I know that we like to qualify stuff with the word just, but today I’m stripping the word just from your vocabulary and instead want you to see you. For you. Nothing diminished, nothing lost and nothing qualified.

As a brave warrior of a mom.

As the person who makes a life difference. As the nurturer of babes and tamer of toddlers and entertainer of kids and negotiator of tweens and letting goer of teens and loving of them all.

And that story involves emotion. Not emotion that needs to be shoved down, but real nitty gritty there are days that simply are the worst and we want to give up but need a friend to tell us we will be okay emotion.

It is okay to feel.

Let yourself feel the bittersweetness of rocking that toddler knowing that they’re getting almost too big for your lap. Let yourself feel.

Not feeling robs joy. It may numb us but in that numbing the joy and happiness dwindles.

Today we are going to live.

Remembering us in the journey, giving us grace and feeling.

You are so worth it.

So don’t apologize with I’m sorry for the times you are being real.

You’re human. A mom.

You’re doing awesome things. Even if you feel overwhelmed.

It’s an emotion. Not a grade.

~Rachel