So I might have mentioned that I buy boxed macaroni and cheese.
I mentioned it on my mom confession post (link) that I wrote earlier this week. And in that mention I ended up getting comments questioning my need to share (or endorse) boxed macaroni and cheese. So, I decided to write about it.
Do I know that the boxed, gluten free (because that’s the only kind of macaroni Samuel can ever eat because he has Celiac Disease) is probably not the best, most nutritious, awesome food choice for my kids?
Absolutely.
Do I still buy it for my kids to have at lunch once a week?
Yes.
I didn’t mention it to talk about organic versus processed versus homemade versus whatever food choices.
Truth? There are some of you out there right now that can only afford the boxed macaroni and cheese and are grateful to have that to serve your kids for dinner. There are some of you who would never serve the boxed macaroni and cheese. There are some of you who are reading this who don’t really care about boxed macaroni and cheese and are probably wondering why I’ve invested so much time writing about a $1.99 product that I buy at Trader Joe’s.
Do you know why I’m writing about it?
I’m writing about it today because I’m telling you those details do not make or define or create or elevate one to the good perfect amazing extraordinary mother status.
Those things do not create a mother.
Ultimately, what matters is that you mother them.
That you are the one in the trenches fighting for them, loving them, defending them, letting them fall and then helping them back up, praying for them, believing in them, caring for them, nurturing them, laughing with them, helping them, creating with them, dreaming with them, and simply being the one that is there for them – in all things.
If you serve boxed macaroni and cheese then you do.
Should you have it every day? Probably not. Is it the best choice for lunch? Maybe not. But, I’m here to tell you that sometimes in the busy crazy pull your hair out moments of motherhood that making boxed macaroni and cheese for lunch and getting into bowls and getting kids to eat it is a small victory in itself.
Motherhood is not always that easy.
It’s not easy in a world that races by on hyper drive. It’s not easy with limited budgets. With kids who rebel. With externals screaming at us about all we need to be doing to “make it” as a mom.
You can’t base your worth as a mother on those external variables. There is always always always something more that we are being told by society that we could do, should do, should have done, need to do, and didn’t do.
That is exhausting.
So when I decided to list my mom confessions it was simply to demonstrate that I am real.
I am real enough to admit that I don’t have it together every day. Or that I’m okay with serving that product to my kids. Or that I never, or rarely, fold socks. Do you know why? Because honestly, sometimes it’s okay with saying to each other that you are a good mom and you are trying and what you’re doing really matters and hooray for getting lunch on the table.
I know I talk about when we get old and stuff, but I’m telling you, we are not going to talk about our lunch choices. Or the fact that my kids dig through a round white laundry basket looking for a matching pair of socks. Do you know what we will talk about?
We will talk about our motherhood journey.
We will probably talk about how we wished we would have slowed down, loved the little things, and all of that.
We will talk not about the minutia but about the loving our children moments.
We will celebrate the times where we were brave, courageous, and fought.
We will remember the sweet moments, the challenges, and the normal.
We will celebrate our years as moms.
Not the macaroni and cheese.
Or all of those other countless things we could debate about.
So, moms, make the best choices you can today.
And stand proud in what you do.
Be brave.
And link arms with the moms around you – don’t define you based on what they do and don’t define them based on what you do. We are all unique, all with our own stories, all with our own journeys, and all with our own path. Let’s support each other. Love each other. Encourage each other on those moments when we just want to scream I can’t do this anymore.
Big picture.
Love your kids. Do your best. Moms are amazing.
And that means you.
~Rachel
ps. And here’s the real real truth – the second we let something like boxed macaroni and cheese be a deciding factor for good mom status is the very second we lose site of each other as women and judge first instead of simply love. Because there is a mom who would do anything to have boxed macaroni and cheese in her pantry for her kids to eat. And she is a great mom.
It’s about doing our best. And us as women loving each other.
17 comments
So often I read blog posts or articles similar to yours, but they rarely click (and often annoy me). Yours, however, did click, especially this statement: “don’t define you based on what they do and don’t define them based on what you do.”. When my oldest, now five, was born, I compared myself to other moms until I felt like the scum of the earth. I also compared him to other kids his age — big mistake. That made me feel like an even crappier mom, because some milestones (speech, mostly) weren’t met at the same time as other kids his age, and of course, I blamed myself.
With my second, I stopped the comparisons (well, except those to his brother re milestones and behavior) and realized that you know what, in the long run, it doesn’t matter what type of diaper I used or how my babies were fed (breast feeding didn’t work out so I -gasp- formula fed) or that I rarely used my baby sling carrier (they both hated it) or the like.
Now they are five and almost three, and I have learned to pick my battles. If some mornings the only way to get them to eat is give them what is normally snack food, then I will do it. I know a little junk here and there won’t kill them, and a full belly is better than a hungry kid. Sometimes I let them win battles I shouldn’t (like our oldest and working with him on his speech), but sometimes, a mom’s got to save a bit of sanity.
P.S. I have been struggling this week with how I am doing as a mother, as evident in my blog post “Am I my child’s worst enemy?” so this post has been a bit of a pick-me-up. Thank you.
We have to define value differently. I like how you used the commonplace (mac and cheese) to make this point. Be well. http://choosetotrust.com/2012/05/its-tough-to-be-a-woman
Loving this article! You forgot to mention, some of us give them boxed macoroni and cheese because they screamed for it at the store and we bought it because they like it! hey, its better than greasy cheeseburgers! Also, it takes time to cook and it could have been pb&j!
Amen to all of this, Rachel. You have such a special gift for speaking to a Mother’s heart. So gentle. So much grace. Thank you for sharing your heart with us again.
We have a lot in common, Rachel. I have a son with celiac. I do not sort socks (we have five children!). I serve macaroni and cheese to my kids on date night (who wants to cook something complex when I am supposed to have the night off?).
Amen to all of this. Has anyone ever noticed that moms are the ones ranting and raving about the food we serve our children, etc? I struggled with this for a long long time. My Samuel has severe dairy, nut, egg, fish allergies, and you know what his favorite food is? Chicken cooked anyway, but especially the nuggets. I’m grateful that we have food to eat, because people are literally starving in this country. I stopped worrying about if we ate organic, or not.
We’ve become so hung up on little things that really don’t matter when its all said and done. Being the best mother I can be is one of the most important things I want to share with my children, that’s what they’ll remember 20yrs from now.
Yes, my kids not only ate boxed mac and cheese…it had hot dogs in it! Some nights the main course was fried potatoes! We had to do what we had to do and the kids never went hungry!
Always praying!
2 Samuel 22:29-33 For thou art my lamp, O LORD: and the LORD will lighten my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop: by my God have I leaped over a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him. For who is God, save the LORD? and who is a rock, save our God? God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.
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Thank you for this. Sometimes this mothering journey isn’t easy-especially with very little ones, as I have (who I write about here at http://www.beautifullifemadeeasy.blogspot.ca). Thanks for reminding us that what we’re doing is enough!!
erica xo
Lifting up prayers right now!
Psalms 4:1, 7-8 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer. (7-8) Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.
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LOVE love LOVE love LOVE this post.
great post and great encouragement for young moms…my kids are grown now, but the “comparison” thing among young moms is big and they need to be reminded that they are fulfilling the highest calling of all – just being a mom! thanks for sharing!
I am a fan of your writing. I am surprised that you site this post as a favorite. You touched on the gratitude of being able to feed your children. I know that gratitude is a theme in your writing. However, your choice of topic is surprising. We are currently inundated with images and stories of Mother’s fleeing circumstances that most of us are unable to fathom. You are correct, you should be grateful for access to nutritious food. So many would give anything for the sustenance of a boxed dinner.
Yes yes yes — that is the point. It’s the fact that we are overlooking the power in remembering how access to food is integral. When we allow definitions to define we lose that point.
Thank you!
….Actually there is no such thing as a “good mother” and no definition is needed whatsoever! An eskimo mother is equally good to a western mother despite the fact that her children do not get to attend an IVY league uni or have ‘amazing’careers defined by the earning power! A mother is anyone who does her best to her potential to raise their children, with love and care and taking into consideration the resources she has available. Centuries ago our grandmothers and great grandmothers raised our forebears just as good as we are today and they had less resources, stimulations than what we probably have today. Celebrate and enjoy motherhood, the way you feel is right and your children will do the same in the future!
My first thought…the orange food group. At least that is what a bunch of us moms called boxed mac & cheese plus canned peaches, mardrian oranges and sliced American cheese. We all needed it at times. None of us defined our mothering by the orange food group. It was just a tool we used. You are right! What we fix for lunch is not who we are nor does it define us as mothers or women or our journey. Keep on keeping on Rachel!
Love this post. I’m not sure when motherhood became such a competition. How we gave birth, breast/bottle, stay at home/working, etc. It’s so exhausting trying to keep up with what people think is the best way to mother your child. There shouldn’t be so much guilt!!! I just recently had my second child and I’m less concerned with what people think. I’m proud to serve them Mac and cheese!! Lol
Good article.
I am certainly not a good perfect amazing extraordinary grandmother. However, when I served boxed macaroni and cheese to my young grandchildren, you would have thought I was all those things. One of the little boys even told his mother that hers was not as good as grandmama’s even though she used the same boxed macaroni and cheese. LOL