authentic motherhood – eight things that really matter

This post was inspired by my letter Dear Sweet Mom Who Feels Like She is Failing originally. It was written as a collection of observations. As time has passed these are still the themes that that I see – the need to be real, the need for friendship and the need for community. ~Rachel

1. Moms (and dads) need grace.
Ah, yes, grace.
We, as a culture, tend to be hard on ourselves. Society has created an unrealistic expectation of what makes a good parent (and who in the media gets to determine what good actually is?) In the end, if we followed it all, we end up worn, exhausted, and doubting if we really matter.

Instead, we need to remember to give ourselves grace within our day. We still need to work hard, to try, but we also need to temper that with a level of grace. Right now?  There are dishes in my sink and on my counter, but that is because last night we played cards and I chose to not have the dishes done. It will get taken care of, but in the moment, I chose family.

I’ll remember the moments, not the finished to-do list. 

2. We are hard on ourselves and see all we don’t do often miss everything we actually do.

Or maybe it needs to be titled we don’t realize that making pbjs, changing diapers, driving everywhere, working late, getting up early, doing what feels like a million loads of laundry and all of that really matters. The gold star stickers of parenthood are not the expected trip to Disney World (and sigh, haven’t done that, would like to, but have to realize that going there will not make me the perfect parent or ensure that my children have the perfect childhood) but are rather the moments, those everyday moments that we give of ourselves for our family. Sitting by a child puking at 3am telling them you love them and wiping their head. That? That matters.

The every day normal moments – they ultimately matter the most.

3. We love our families.

Oh my goodness. From the comments, emails, facebook messages, tweets and more – we love our families. The reason, I think, the failing label bothers so many of us is because we want to do well for our families and yet we’re constantly fighting the idea that we’re not because no longer is parenthood isolated but rather there is the barrage of social media/television expectations.

4. We need friendships.

And I mean real friendships.

Not the plaster a phony smile on one’s face and nod and pretend like you’ve got life all together perfect friendships. I’m talking about friendships where you grab that cup of coffee, you look your friend in their eye, and you tell them that you’re struggling. And the friend, looks you back in your eye and says the same.

And then you decide to be real and to encourage one another and motivate each other to keep going. And then you value real versus pretend and you begin to cultivate and change the perception of motherhood one friendship at a time.

It’s authentic community.

5. We need to hear words like you are doing a great job, you matter, and you are not failing.

No explanation truly needed. Remember this. And remember to tell those words to your kids.

6. The media often distorts our view of what is normal.

Yep. This again. I’m going to say it again {read my pinterest perfect real mom post for more}. Pinterest is about ideas – and they’re awesome ideas – but it is not real life. They are pictures taken that capture a moment perfectly. Learn, be inspired, but don’t compare. And that goes for blogs, facebook status updates, magazines, tweets, instagrams and more. Learn, learn, learn. But truly, remember who decides what is good? Not that.

Take a moment and watch and be with your kids – watch what they love, and what they do and listen to the words they say.

Look them in the eye and tell them you love them and they matter.

That? That is good.

7. We hurt but often are afraid to voice that part of us.

Sigh. This? This got to me the most. Let go of the labels. Let go of the ideals of what we think being a mom should be. Instead embrace who you are and don’t be afraid to move forward and change. You know, there was a comment about it being too late or that it was overwhelming and more.

We can live with the labels of everything that we wished would have been different and let the past color our today or we can choose to take that past, put it on a shelf, and live today different.

When the I failed, or messed up, or hurts cloud our thinking, we can change it with today is different, today I will be joyful, today I can do it. Will you mess up? Yes. I mess up. Do we have to stay in it? No. We can do it – this is the do one thing part of living.

8. People care about others.

One of the things that blessed me tremendously was reading the comments from each of you encouraging others who commented. Thank you. Truly thank you. Lets keep on being a generation of moms who sees moms for who they are and walks over, lends a hand, dusts them off, and walks the road of motherhood together. It is not a competition.

Let go of the competition and thinks of it as a journey.

Bottom line? I have been blessed by the conversation and rallying together for moms. Lets keep it up. Lets remember to let go of the illusion of the perfect ideal of motherhood and instead be real, work together, encourage, and not give up.

There is freedom in being real.

Authentic moms.

That’s what I want to call it.

~Rachel