If you’re new here, welcome! Right now we are in the midst of a 10 Days of Intentional Parenting series. To get caught up click Awake to begin with post one and to grab the first download. Then continue with day two’s post titled Heart followed by day three’s post called See.
Do you really listen? Not the nodding listen, the listen of mmhhmms and uh-huhs, but the listen where you stop and get down at your children’s level type of listen. That’s what I’m talking about.
I’ve noticed these last weeks that Samuel will grab my head with his hands and pull my face so that it looks at his face when he’s talking time. Every time I feel those little hands, those often messy hands, smushing up against my cheeks I feel that pang of regret. He’s already learned. He’s learned that momma will often pretend to listen but not really listen.
But you’re busy, right? And dinner needs to be made and the floors washed and laundry folded. I know, I know, I can hear your argument because I relate. I get it. As I often joke on twitter my to-do list is many times longer than the hours in a day. But, I’m going to challenge you to think of it differently. Read this hypothetical:
You’re at a job. Your job is demanding with lots of learning. So much is new, but sometimes you’re bored and don’t know what to do. You see your boss. Busy, moving around, shuffling by you, sometimes frustrated with you. But, always busy. You try to get your boss’s attention — question after question after question — yet, the boss is too distracted with work. This goes on and on.
How do you feel? Unimportant? Frustrated? Annoyed? Like you want to throw things on the ground and have a bit of a tantrum to get attention?
Enter your children. I’ve imagined how they feel when they see me busy all the time. On the computer, folding clothes, in front of the stove. Working, working, working. Yet, even though I work hard, and you work hard, it does not give us liberty to treat our children like the boss in the above example. Of course there are those days when the mumbles, the quick answers to the 37th time the three year old asks why, and the distracted words are needed. But, here’s the deal, it cannot always be that way.
Our children must know they are important.
And this is in us learning to truly listen to them. To stop what’s on our agenda, to put the pen down, to close the laptop lid, and to take our eyes from our world of stuff and let them look into the eyes of those eager children craving our attention.
Look at them.
Listen to them.
Turn off your internal dialogue telling you that you don’t have time to slow down, or that you don’t want to answer another question about the ants outside, or that you must get dinner cooking, or that it’s past bedtime.
They must know we care about them when they speak.
Today, I want you to continue looking at your time during the day. There are journal prompts asking where you spend your time, where you can cut things out of your schedule, and what you need to add. I want you to continue being diligent about creating time, creating space within your schedule so that when your children need to talk to you that you don’t feel the pressures and stress of this world crowding them out. In fact, feel free to tweet me or fb tag me about your ten minutes spent with your children – simply mention #10DaysParent. Yesterday, I tweeted a pic of a cake that Grace made during her ten minutes…which turned into 30 minutes. Let’s build accountability and encouragement.
The family activity? It’s an exercise in listening. It’s explained in detail on the download, and there are a couple of telephone game prompts for you to play. And for those of you with olders, there’s a chance to check your own listening skills. Have fun!
10 Days of Intentional Parenting Series: Day 1 : Awake, Day 2: Heart, Day 3: See
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If you are enjoying this series I am so glad! I’ve put many hours into the downloads and journal pages along with each post. I’d love it if you’d consider sharing this series – via fb, twitter, email, like button – it really helps get the word out. And thank you! Tomorrow? Day 5: Record. It will be a beautiful celebration of motherhood, parenting, and those sweet favorite moments that we’ve intentionally cultivated this week with our families!
10 comments
YES< they need to know we are listening. We are currently working on manners….well, we are always working on them. When my children need my undivided attention and I am working…on something…anything, they know they need to stand and wait…Once I can stop what I am doing (gently pause a conversation with another child, etc)…I look at them, straight in the eyes and we talk…we listen to one another. We are teaching them how to listen…how to show others they are important too. Yes, we need to show them we love them…and how to love others. Love this series…thank you, Rachel!
So simple, so true, and yet not always very easy! Thank you for your reminders. I really like this series.
Once I had everyone write down what they did during the day and then write down what things they wanted to do during the day and compare the two. It was shocking to see how different they were.
My husband and I were just talking last night about why Jack throws tantrums and trying to catch it before and how we need to be more diligent in dropping what we are doing as often as we can to really listen to him before he gets so frustrated. Thanks again!
I just wanted to share our tidbit – the part we’ve gotten from your thoughtful series…grab some of that coffee you like, this will take a moment.
At first I when I saw the series I knew right away that I would not be doing it. You see, I don’t do well with series or lists from other people that tell me “do this to be a good parent today” not that – that’s what you were doing. That was my perception of it. I knew I would not be able to complete the everyday items and thus I would feel like a bad parent…a failure if you will. So I stayed away.
But part of me wants to improve, to be a better Mama. To be more intentional. I think it was that word INTENTIONAL that drew me to actually check this whole thing out.
So I took a peek. I’ll just check it out…I thought to myself. No commitment needed. I liked the first day but didn’t do it. I liked the list but didn’t print it out. But it stayed in my thoughts for the next few days.
The second day I peeked again. The hands. Such an easy craft and filled with love. We did it. Unknowingly, I caught our finished hands in my son’s birthday blog post. Our 3yo was napping when we cut out our hands so later his big sister made his with him. All day long he would put his hand up to fit into the cut out on the wall. He loved it. I love re-reading the sweet things the children wrote about each other.
Day three, pictures. Let my children take my camera and take pictures with it? ugh. Hard one. But I did love the idea. To see what *they* loved to capture with the camera. So I did. Not every child took pictures. But that day, when a child asked, I said yes. Yes, instead of the normal *no* they hear.
The wonderful part of this is that even though I haven’t printed off one download, each days love and joy has carried over to the next day. Today when my dtr asked me “can I take some pictures?” I happily said yes. Happily!
So thank you. I am really enjoying this series. Someday I’d like to print out those lists and do them all. And some day I’d like to blog about it but for now I’m busy being Mama and today I’m going to work on listening with both eyes 🙂
~Cinnamon
wow, the analogy of the boss sure hit home…
I so get this. I know that I have been guilty of just nodding and saying uh-huh instead of actually listening. I love this series, it is so important.
Thank you so much for this series. It has been such a blessing! My children are grateful too, and have definitely been enjoying a more intentional momma!
Who would think that a couple of cans could do so much!
These verses give such great comfort! Praying!
Psalms 23:1-3 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
My email address
this is outstanding!
I’m thinking about doing this with my online woman’s group.
Thanks so much for doing this!