One of the emails and comments that I repeatedly receive is regarding ways to cultivate individual time with your children. First, this is a hard thing to do simply because we have those crazy to-do lists that take up the majority of our time especially if we’re not intentional about slowing down and taming them. That’s the first thing – be intentional. But, beyond that, I’m listing seven strategies to help you cultivate individual times with your kids. They need it. You need it. It gives you, the parent, a sweet glimpse into their hearts.
1. Schedule it. I know, seems obvious, right? But, it’s a fact. If I don’t schedule time with my children individually then often those times, those moments simply will not happen. So pull out your month to-do list, or your calender, and try to add some times in their with each of your children. Does it have to be big things? Absolutely not – often it is simple little things that matter the most.
2. Be spontaneous. Include them. Even though we’ve got stuff scheduled often the best one on one time that I have with my children is a result of me being spontaneous and just doing it. Last fall, early in the morning, I woke my photographer daughter up and we piled into the freezing car and drove around the Minnesota countryside so that she could snap pictures of the sun rising over the frozen October fields. That morning? Ranks as one of my most favorite times I’ve had with my daughter. It’s because I just acted, just did, embraced that moment.
3. Include them in Your Daily Activities. This goes back to the idea of becoming the “yes” mom again. I cannot tell you how many times they ask to help me – with making cookies {of course}, my chores, etc,….and I, the busy mom, tell them not right now. Now is the time moms. It really is. Look at what you do through the day and try to find a way to have each of them help with you one project. Not only are you getting one on one time, but you are also training and teaching them.
4. Take them With You. Yes, I’m talking about when you go to the store, or run that errand, or are running to get coffee. Not all the time – as I really do believe that moms need a break {and truthfully, often for me, going to the store is my break} – but some of the times. Simply step back and take one of them with you. In my family, whoever gets to go to Costco with me makes for a best day. {I seriously think it might just be the samples…} So, moms, look at your schedule and see if you can find times where you can take one with you and then make it special. Let them pick something out, take them to Starbucks, talk with them. Those moments matter.
5. Have them Plan It. One of the newer ideas that I have, especially for my older ones, is to have them plan a date with me. Give them a dollar amount {or none – it could just be going to the park or swinging in the yard} to spend and a time limit. Then let them plan. And when you go on your date – put your social media brain away. Instagram a couple pics, but after that, this is your time with your child. Cultivate and invest in that relationship.
6. Quality is better than Quantity. Yep. Still true. Even today. It’s better to spend a good solid intentional hour with your child versus an entire day where you’re distracted and feeling frantic about not getting your to-do list finished. Make the time that you do spend together as intentional as possible. Listen to them, laugh with them, go to see the movie they want to see {and learn, like me, to love their movies as well – like Avengers – grin}, let them wander the toy aisle as Target without a time limit. Just do it. Spend the time.
7. Slow Down and Give Grace. This is for you. Because, seriously, not every single intentional moments will be amazing. It simply won’t – that’s real life. What truly matters is that you are aware and awake and are trying to figure out these moments. One last thing, write a list, keep a tally, a journal, anything to help with the it’s my turn or it’s not fair moments that will probably result when you take only one with you. I’ve done that – and it helps to pull the record and let everyone know that it’s as fair as possible. So slow down, manage the to-do list, and give yourself grace when the moments don’t work out exactly as you’ve imagined. And sometimes? Sometimes those silly moments captured are the most beautiful and remembered.
These are just seven of my suggestions for cultivating individual time with your kids. Be blessed!
What are some ways that you like to carve out this time in your schedule?
19 comments
My 2 year old son is an early riser, so instead of trying to get him back to sleep or just letting him play with his toys we sit on the deck and watch the sunrise together. It is a great way to start the day.
How lovely! My 3-year old is the same way, we’re doing this tomorrow before big brother gets up. What a great idea.
Love that Stephanie. Beautiful and what lovely memories you’re cultivating.
Rachel
When my daughter was born I didn’t want my son to feel left out so he and I would schedule baking dates on Friday afternoons while she napped. Taking them with us on errands has really helped them want to be helpers which is nice at the grocery store especially!
what great tips. I have scheduled mommy and me days for me and my oldest as she is so much older than her siblings I feel like she needs it. I am going to start those with my younger ones too.
My 20mo old daughter loves to push a chair up to the counter and ‘help’ me cook/bake/whatever. Even though we usually make twice the mess and use at least a half dozen utensils, I love letting her be with me and experience all that goes on in the kitchen. I pray some day she’ll be delighted to serve her family in the same way.
** Thank you Rachel, for your list! It’s too easy to skim thru the day and not really connect with our little ones. Bless you!
Wonderful post, Rachel! My favorite individual times with my kids are our “Reading Dates”. At least once a week, and sometimes twice, I go up in each child’s room to read from our special read-aloud. The book chosen is one unique to the interests of each child, and I snuggle in bed with them to spend a 1/2 hour to 45 minutes alone and reading/chatting. It is wonderful!
I know Daddy calls it wrestling, but I’m Mommy, so I don’t know what you call it, because I can’t handle it quite as rough, lol. But basically, I enjoy getting down on the floor and playing with the kids. Couch, floor, rolling around, tickling, doing ‘tricks'(lifting them up on my feet and letting them ‘fly’), playing monster and chase, dog piles, etc. It is a great way to connect, hold them close, and also expend a lot of energy in winter months. 🙂
I really like this post! Well put. I have 3 kids and I try to do at least ONE thing each day with each child that is one-on-one. Sometimes it is as simple as getting dressed time w/ the 3 year old. Sometimes it is reading a book. Sometimes it is playing Wii (which I don’t enjoy) with my 5 year old son (who DOES enjoy it). Sometimes it is talking at bedtime with my 9 year old. But the point is to make whatever small thing you are doing together fun and to really listen/engage with them during that time. Really look at them. Really listen to them. This is the stuff that will really imprint your love on their hearts and help them feel cherished! (Oh and if I was only better at all this all the time!!!!!)
great tips! applicable, not just to children, but to spouses and friends!
Great minds . . . I was just thinking on Saturday that I hadn’t had a “date” with my boys (individually) in awhile – they are so proud when they get to take mommy out to dinner – we usually go to a pretty nice restaurant to make a big deal out of it. they are too cute & it makes for special time together. I’m still their best girl 🙂 won’t be giving that up too easily – great post – thanks for the tips
As always, I love reading your posts – and this one is especially great. I am a working mother, and I have two very young children. I’ve made it my goal everyday to do three things with both of them: read to them, play with them, and make them laugh. If I can do those three things everyday, even if the moments are brief (especially on teething days), then no matter how much of my to-do list didn’t get done, I’ve had an awesome day. Thanks again for your wonderful words of wisdom.
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Psalms 107:28-31 Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven. Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
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So AWESOME!!! Spending quality time with my daughter is so important to me. It can be so difficult at times, especially with the distractions social media brings on top of everything else! I’ll definitely utilize some of these tips, thanks!
great post.
it is a rare occasion that i don’t take my kids with me. the habit of taking them with me when they were young has caused them to be great company to me as they get older.
and the giving yourself grace thing..amen to that! the more i practice it the more i live in it and extend it.
For the past three years we have been taking our boys wherever whenever we go because we have no nanny or someone who can babysit them. Now we are back to our home country and have someone to baby sit them so we can leave them at home no need to take them when they are sleepy or even sleeping, tired and all. But ocassionally I make a point to take the youngest one for a treat when the older one is at school or take them boat for lunch outside. It’s just fun when you do it intentionally.
For the past three years we have been taking our boys wherever whenever we go because we have no nanny or someone who can babysit them. Now we are back to our home country and have someone to baby sit them so we can leave them at home no need to take them when they are sleepy or even sleeping, tired and all. But ocassionally I make a point to take the youngest one for a treat when the older one is at school or take them boat for lunch outside. It’s just fun when you do it intentionally.
‘have them plan it’ and ‘slow down and give grace’ are 2 really good ones i’m going to take note on. individual time seems to be the time where they feel the love so sincerely! such great advice here…
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