Today I held ice to a cut underneath the eye of my four year old while he held his head in my chest and sobbed over his lost battle with the handles on the television cabinet.
Today I worked, answered emails, designed graphics, made phone calls, and uttered in a minute to that same four year old. And then I stood up, found him, looked him in the eye, and told him that he was super duper important to me and that he can always come ask me a question even if it’s during the hours when I work.
Today I made dinner and washed dishes with food that had decided to form a permanent bond with the surface. I listened as there was grumbling over chicken with Italian seasoning and that no one really liked the broccoli even with extra cheese.
Today I found clothes in my washing machine that I forgot to move to the dryer. So I added more detergent and ran them again as I tried to find matches for socks that mysteriously seemed to have vanished.
Today I stood at the bottom of my stairs and surveyed the sea of legos that was covering the floor upstairs and wondered to myself why in the world so much money had been spent on items that at times drove me crazy.
Today I didn’t make my bed. I wore my hair in a ponytail. I forgot to get the mail until it was dark and it was so freezing outside and I slipped walking down my icy sloped driveway.
Today I had coffee. Two cups. Okay three.
And I’ll do similar tomorrow. Well, maybe not the three cups of coffee. But, you know, kind of the same.
You will too.
You’ll have moments like this. Where you wake up to a kitchen that you wished you had just cleaned the night before. You’ll walk into rooms that were spotless that now look like the aftermath of a crazy hurricane. You’ll get frustrated over towels on the floor and new soap dispensers that are pumped out by curious kids and spills and little things that you never thought would irritate you. You’ll teach math or read books or sing the ABC song and wonder why they always seem to forget L, M, N, O, P part. You’ll find orange peels in the corner and wrappers on the ground and stickers stuck to the floor. You’ll buckle up seats and do counts to make sure everyone is there and realize you left your purse inside.
You’ll work. You’ll give. You’ll do all these normal mom things and then, when the end of the day comes, just like it has for me, you’ll sit back and sometimes wonder what on earth did I really accomplish today?
I’ve done that.
In fact, I did that tonight.
As I sit here, in my room, with the door open ever so slightly so I can hear if there are kids escaping down the stairs who then immediately tell me I was just getting a glass of water, I wondered about my day. There’s the to-do list with three checks on it. One of them being for the laundry that I reran. And yes, I gave myself a check. There’s a kitchen that needs to be swept. Again. But it had to wait because we had rice and well, you know, you have to wait to sweep up rice until it dries unless you want a horrid mess. Hmm…. rice is like the legos of food, I think.
It’s easy to miss all we do accomplish.
It’s easy to dismiss all we do accomplish.
It’s easy to qualify all we do accomplish.
It’s easy to shrug off all we do accomplish.
It’s easy to not see all we do accomplish.
I know.
But I want you to see.
I want you to see, to remember, all that you accomplish in the twenty-four hours we call a day.
You care for kids. You love them. Zip up coats. Find mittens. Or flipflops for those of you who live where it is warm. Rock babies. Bandage knees. Read stories. Tuck in covers. Again. Wash hands. Stir food. Work hard. Help with reports. Rattle off spelling words. Listen to stories. Fold clothes. Braid hair. Wipe counters. Again. And again. And again (especially if they decided to add their own sugar to their cereal). You work away from home. You stay home. You do both. No matter what, you still get up, get yourself ready, and walk out of your room and answer to the cry of mom. And sometimes that cry is mom mom mom mom mom mom mom only to be repeated eighteen seconds later.
You do all that mom stuff. Here and there. Little things that are so easy to just dismiss as normal. And yet, those normal things matter. Just like the moments of me sitting on that bench holding that drippy washcloth with ice to Samuel’s eye and singing him songs.
Those are the cherished moments of motherhood.
Motherhood isn’t made up these perfect moments with sorted toys and perfect gourmet dinners that are shaped into cool shapes and all of this other stuff. Motherhood is a raw place of realizing that sometimes you don’t have any clue what you’re doing and yet you keep on doing.
It’s easy to get weary. It’s easy to go to bed and to look around and to simply miss it all.
Don’t miss it.
Don’t miss the outstanding in the ordinary.
Don’t miss what you’re doing.
Today, today, just for a moment I want you, too, to close your eyes and to breathe deep and to realize you are accomplishing amazing things in the ordinary. You’re mothering. You’re writing your imperfect motherhood story that looks nothing like what you imagined and yet, it’s yours. You’re discovering your strengths and weaknesses and the necessities of life and motherhood. You’re brave. Courageous. You make mistakes and learn. You pick up and try again. You’re learning to laugh when you probably wish you could cry. You are learning to just what it means to be a mom.
You are not doing something small.
It doesn’t matter that moms have done this stuff forever. That doesn’t mean we don’t celebrate moms. Do you know why? Because you are the first one of you that’s walking this road. It’s all new. It’s all a journey. It’s all a discovery in the beauty of the ordinary. It’s all in learning to embrace the little things in life. It’s not something we’ve always done. It’s you. Right now. In the midst of life, giving of yourself, and discovering just how amazing you truly are.
Remember that today.
Mother well.
Write your extraordinary beautiful ordinary story.
Those little things matter.
*****
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42 comments
Loved this! You have such a beautiful way of reminding us how to rediscover the joy in motherhood. I saw myself in your words. Thank you!
Love that, Sarah.
Blessings,
rachel
This was absolutely perfect for me to read today! I am a SAHM of four ranging from 16 years old to 2 and my life is utterly insane most days. This morning my toddler refused (absolutely REFUSED) to eat his breakfast and thought a tantrum was the way to go, as is with most toddlers some days. I didn’t lose it, I invoked the help of my 12 year old, I went down to take my shower and got ready for the day, the 12 year old played with him so I could get ready, my 8 year old went crazy trying to find his mittens and remember to pack his lunch, but I was able to get ready for my day, take the older boys to school come home with my toddler and I decided to just let him have his pancakes (because he didn’t want the Cream of Wheat I fixed).
Picking my battles are half of my battle sometimes and it is good to know that others go through the same feelings of wondering, “what in the heck I am doing?” some days. Wishing sometimes I could be anywhere but where I am now. Dreaming of a childless island somewhere where I could sleep in, not have to fix dinner, not have to worry about the sippy cup that actually isn’t spillproof. But then i realize that a midst the chaos that is my life, there will be a time shortly in the not so distant future that I will miss these days. The tantrums, the teenage angst, the 12 year old-isms the incessant talking of my 8 year old. It grounds me.
You have a beautiful blog. I really enjoy what you write and resonate with so much of it. Thank you for this post. I needed it this morning! 🙂
thank you for this. i love your blog, and read it often when i need a pick me up, but this. this made me do the ugly cry, in a really good way. thank you. i needed this.
I love the spaghetti photos. Have a few of them myself! So glad Samuel’s cut wasn’t any worse. Have had two needing stitches…only they both ran into a wall! Several years apart.
Lifting up prayers right now!
Psalms 28:8-9 The LORD is their strength, and he is the saving strength of his anointed. Save thy people, and bless thine inheritance: feed them also, and lift them up for ever.
Thank you for this. I so needed to read this to be able to connect, on some level, with another mom who so perfectly described my life. I read this and pictured me with my two precious kiddos. It’s good to know I’m not the only mom who’s life is so imperfectly perfect.
Thank you so much for this! Absolutely wonderful read!!!
Happy Mommy-ing!
Tiffany
Thank you! I really needed this today!
So needed to read this tonight… beautiful & true & was in fact almost an exact outline of my day. (Except the ice was for a knock on the head & the rice was spilled on the carpet… but same drying out rule works there too.)
Thank you!
Kate
Rice, rice, rice…love it and hate it. Thank goodness for the drying out rule. 😉
Bless you, Kate!
I’m just a little slow. Figured out you were approving the posts so no I wasn’t the only one commenting the other day.
It’s almost tomorrow and I’ve been on the go since 6:15 this morning. Thursdays and Fridays are harder babysitting days…I have 3 little grands a lot of the day!
There are times God can seem so very far away, but He’s always right there with you! Praying!
Psalms 13:1-6 How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? … Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, … But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.
My email address
thanks for this, really. 🙂
Thank you for that1 I do feel like somedays I just didn’t get anything done or I’m so tired from juggling so many things at once.
Nailed it. Well done. Thanks for sharing!
Beautifully written. I think a lot more people would be far more understanding if we truly observed just how little we have in common rather than how much. Even though we’re mothers, and there are mothers who fall into similar categories (sahm, blogger, runner etc) we are still so different and unique. Our children are different and unique. And so, our struggles are different and unique. Instead of comparing notes, let’s offer a shoulder. An understanding glance. A hug. A smile. Let’s do these things to say “You’re not alone. I may not know what you’re going through, but I feel for you.”
This was so beautiful and met me where I’m at. THANK YOU
Wow! Seriously, I needed this today, and honestly EVERY DAY! The way you write is just lovely, and conversational and real. It’s beautiful and I appreciate you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding me!
I really enjoyed reading this, having a sicky preggy day today it really cheered me up. I love the comment about the rice, I learned an awesome trick while working in a daycare for cleaning up wet rice, or spaghetti, really any wet tiny, noodly thing, just spray it with kitchen cleaner, windex,or Lysol type products work great, it actually dries it up and makes it easy to sweep up…I know weird huh? But, it works.
That’s an awesome tip Amy. So cool.
Sorry you’re not feeling well…hoping for good feeling preggy days.
Rachel
Wow Rachel. Beautiful post. I wish I had known you before my kids were grown, when I was dealing with everything you describe. Those minutes of caring for the little ones that sometimes seemed so long and repetitive have flashed right by! Slow, slow, slow, FAST! And when it happens, there you sit, saying, “Where are the Legos?! Gone so soon?”
Raising our children IS what we accomplish. And it is the world’s most engaging job.
Beautiful words that helped me to remember how precious and fast time goes, I have been staying home with my 2 kids for over 2 years and some days I want to call it quits…
But cannot imagine my days without them.
brilliant. Moving, and spot on. I particularly loved the bit about ‘the perfect moments of motherhood are not when everything is perfect’ – paraphrasing! This is something I forget. Often.
[…] had a chance to reflect over the last couple of hours, I keep being drawn back to this blog post (https://findingjoy.net/what-moms-need-to-see/) that I read on my Facebook newsfeed this morning. I shared it because it hit a nerve and because […]
The picture of the boy eating spaghetti looks like our son –enough so that some family members thought it was him. My son even thought it was a picture of himself. Weird!
Tears…and gratitude!
I really love this post. I love to stumble across mommy blogs that I feel like say exactly what I am thinking. I also write a blog about my two little boys. they are still very little so we are on the thick of infant/toddler chaos. If your interest I recently just wrote a blog titled ‘A Letter to my Second baby” http://mommyismyfavoritename.blogspot.com/2014/03/a-letter-to-my-second-baby.html
Thank you.
I miss those days. I REALLY miss those “early” days. Mine are now 6, 9, 12, and 14. That might not seem that much different than the 8, 6, 4, new days, but they ARE really different. Especially from the 1, 3, 5 days. Every stage is a journey. Enjoy the moments. They are truly fleeting.
I cherish them. I did well, think I am doing well. But miss my little ones. I so do. I would always have a babe in my arms if I could.
My challenges today really haven’t changed have they? It all seems so impossible, so out of our hands. So fleeting. Love.
In the end, it is all that really counts. Nothing else really matters.
Thank you for this! I needed to read this today, and probably will read it several times over the next few days. As a homeschooling 27 year old stay at home mom to five kids ages six and under (with a sixth baby coming in July), I need to remember that there is beauty and purpose in the everyday things I do. It can be discouraging when I look around at my peers who are “career successful” with fancy salaries and stuff to show for all of their hard work. I need to remember that I will one day reap what I sow, and the small victories I have during the day are proof enough that what I do matters. 🙂
thank you thank you thank you.
Wow…so much of this that I needed to read today. And the thing about rice…SO true. 🙂
Thank you, thank you, for this beautiful reminder. Just an hour ago, I knocked my kid’s head on his highchair in my attempt to help him down. He’s a ball of wiggle, and boy, can he bawl. In that moment, I felt so much like I’d failed…I do whenever he gets hurt (which is often…did I mention he’s a boy? 🙂 ).
Thank you for normalizing this…for pointing out the sacred in our work bandaging boo-boos and administering frequent “it’s okay” hugs. Gosh, I needed this.
[…] “Motherhood isn’t made up these perfect moments with sorted toys and perfect gourmet dinners that are shaped into cool shapes and all of this other stuff. Motherhood is a raw place of realizing that sometimes you don’t have any clue what you’re doing and yet you keep on doing. It’s easy to get weary. It’s easy to go to bed and to look around and to simply miss it all. Don’t miss it. Don’t miss the outstanding in the ordinary. Don’t miss what you’re doing.” CLICK FOR THE FULL ARTICLE HERE. […]
Sometimes I also have to have more than one cup of coffee to help me through the day. Two girls 16 months apart is a lot of work.
Assuming this is the first Mother’s Day you haven’t been home with the kids. They need to pamper you when you get back!
Am Continuing to lift up prayers!
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
Keep your eyes on the Lord. He’ll give you the strength to face whatever the future holds. Praying!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
I love your rice analogy. My son recently knocked over a bag of quinoa. I decided that was like the glitter of foods!
[…] What Moms Need to See. […]
Thank you, Thank you for your words of encouragement. I felt like you were describing my house and life to the letter. I have 4 kids and work from home as well. I Run a teen mom ministry in Oregon and I am so excited to share your encouragement with the girls that I work with. To put into perspective their amazing adventure of motherhood no matter their age. I would LOVE to connect with you and maybe talk about some teen mom encouragement? Please email me @ myfinn82@yahoo.com. Thanks again for sharing your heart….
Thank you, seems like you always write exactly what I need to hear. Today on my youngest 3rd birthday, I needed to hear this. So, thank you.
I recently had a conversation with my son who is about to graduate from college about his childhood and having me as his mom. I have been a SAHM for 22 years and always wondered if I was doing the best for them. He told me that I was the only mom of all of his friends who they could call when they need a ride or were sick and needed a place to feel safe until their mom’s came home from work. So I asked him if was embarrassed that I didn’t work like the other moms and this is what he said: “Mom who said you didn’t work? Did they know how hard it must have been for you to be at home all day cleaning and cooking for us and digging holes with us to hunt for buried treasure? Did they know you let us having cookie fights inside the house and didn’t worry about the mud or finger paint or shaving cream towers”? But the most profound thing he said was “Mom you woke me up at 2am one time to watch a lunar eclipse, not only did we go outside in the cold but you had a telescope and hot chocolate and blankets. The best memory of my life because You were there” and that’s all any kid can ask for is that no matter what my mom was there.
This is such an inspiring piece, that put things into perspective, really. I don’t know how you maintain your sanity with a brood, but I have to tell you that I’m beyond impressed. I guess, mothers often beat themselves up too hard, in our pursuit in wanting to be “better” and “best”. Embracing the journey makes it so much sweeter, and yes, seeing the joy in our bubbas make it all worth it 🙂 Thank you for sharing!