There are many days where I wake up and I think I’ve failed.
Let’s just start with that, okay? I just do. Even though life is rightly-ordered now and healthier, this wasn’t the story I had planned for your life. So know I struggle with that, okay? Because sometimes that struggle leaves me in my bathroom, behind the door, with tears in my eyes while you knock on the door saying mom? mom? You won’t know that because I have this mom superpower of sucking in the emotion and replying with the most normal yes? to you.
Except sometimes I know you see it.
Sometimes you’ll ask me are you okay mom?
Because I think you know.
In fact, honestly, I know you know.
I know you see me. Holding it all together all the time. Managing everything – day in and day out and day in and day out and day in and day out again and again and again. I can’t hide that from you. I can’t hide the times when I say guys! There is only one of me.
I’m sure that stings. I don’t mean for it to sting. I think I just need to say it but you don’t need a reminder of the obvious – that it’s just me in this house. I’m sure this isn’t the story you wanted either. I am sorry about that.
But let’s get somethings straight. Okay?
I sure do love you.
Like I love you so much that I do it all by myself. If I didn’t love you as much as I did I’d probably be in some villa in Italy sipping fancy wine. Or on a beach in the South Pacific. Or on Survivor. But, I am not. I am here. In your life day after day. Loving you. Showing up for you. Caring for you. Fighting for the best for you. Not giving up on you. Making ends meet for you.
Tucking in tears for you.
You are so worth it.
I want you to proud of me.
I don’t know why that matters, but it kind of does. I watch this shows where kids talk about their moms and they are so proud when they say my mom was a single mom and she did it all. Those adults who realize that are always so proud of their mom, their mom who probably shed all those tears, but they finally see the awesome and giving in her. Because, guys, I really am doing it all for you right now.
You know why?
You are exponentially worth it.
You are so worth it that sometimes I give up on sleep for you. I give up on things for you. I work until one am and get up at five am for you. I do the hard things for you. I go to teacher’s conferences and doctor’s appointments. I clean and wash and do the laundry. I fight hard for you.
I may not be perfect.
In fact, trust me, I’m not. I have a temper and am impatient and am sometimes super super tired.
You may not have the coolest lunches. The house may not be the fanciest. We may never get to Disneyworld. We may never get the newest van. But you know what we will have? A whole bunch of showing up and trying and loving.
You are worth it.
So we will create this story together. Day after day after day. Days of me wandering out of the house when the bus comes and waving to you from the window. Nights of me picking you up at work. Afternoons of us doing homework. Filling out college applications. Waiting for texts. Wiping away your tears on birthdays. Trying my hardest to give you the best childhood I can. I may be tired, but kids – I will never quit on you. Never.
You are priceless and wonderful and valuable.
So if you knock on the bathroom door and it takes a second for me to respond know that I am gathering my strength.
For you.
With love from your imperfect, but trying and showing up mom.
~Me.
40 comments
Cannot tell you how much this hit me. My ex-husband lives 12 hours away and sees the kids maybe four times a year. The first time I read this, I was in tears. I just read it to my ten year old daughter and fought through the tears. She gets the struggles but I know she also sees how strong I have to be everyday. Thank you, Rachel, for writing what so many of us can’t put into words. 💜
Pretty true of every “parent”, what’s truly sad is how many children don’t even have one parent anymore!
Hi! My mom sent me this story and I just finished reading it and I’m in tears. I’ve never really understood the struggles until I read this and it opened my eyes. It’s very hard for my mom to put this stuff into words so thank you… 💘
How beautiful a d so true.
Thank you for telling everyone the struggles of us single moms. You hit the nail on the head with all your words for the struggle we have had to rise up to. I had to keep on going threw it as there was no way around this. I couldn’t bring a stranger in to parent you all.so just me trying to love you and get three it all many sleepless nights and feeling helpless. I loved you all the best I could after all it was only me trying to raise and love you all
One time o e of my girls said I dont feel loved
My heart broke and I cried. Please understand this was not what I wanted for you alls life. When your father walked out I too felt unloved and afraid left on the dark while he found himself a new woman. So when you think of me just know how strong I had to be to keep myself together. For you all because the only parent you had was me the mom. Many thanks for trying to understand me and trying to love me. Love you all mucho mom
How beautiful and so true
Thank God in Jesus name. I have to Google this. Because I can’t read and write. I’ll find you were a beautiful lady. I’m sure your child’s proud of you. I have dyslexic. I have a hard time talking to anybody because of my dyslexic spelling reading and writing. I don’t know what to do to find my daughter. I hope my prayers come true. Last I heard she’s going to be a school teacher. She’s a miracle if that’s true. I don’t know where she is. God would attract her through some good people god-loving people. Bye for now hopefully in Jesus name.
Thank God in Jesus name. I have to Google this. Because I can’t read and write. I’ll find you were a beautiful lady. I’m sure your child’s proud of you. I have dyslexic. I have a hard time talking to anybody because of my dyslexic spelling reading and writing. I don’t know what to do to find my daughter. I hope my prayers come true. Last I heard she’s going to be a school teacher. She’s a miracle if that’s true. I don’t know where she is. God would attract her through some good people god-loving people. Bye for now hopefully in Jesus name.
And you never stop being a mom…it’s a lifelong profession, the best one❣
Kinda not really necessary to tell our kids this is it? It could come accross a bit like a guilt trip. I sure don’t want my kid to think that I’m crying everytime he is not looking and if it weren’t for him I’d be in some French chalet sipping Champaign lol really? although u may repeat over and over that your kids are worth it, does that make them feel better that their mum is miserable cos of them. I know you didn’t mean that and I understand that other mums will appreciate reading this but I don’t think it’s what we should tell our kids. Like “look at everything I do for you .. You make my life so hard! if it wasn’t for u my life would be easy!!” ……….”but your worth it just your super hard work and I’m miserable and broken but ur worth it… Just I’d prob be very successful and happy without u”
I don’t think she ment this article at all how you took it. I didn’t get that she would be happy if she didn’t have kids? This is what every single mom hopes their children realize when they get older and look back on their childhood. I mean it is the true…. single parents bust their butts for their children!!! I wouldn’t have it any other way and pray my children can look back and see all I did and know how much they mean to me!!!🧡🧡
I think you’re taking what she said completely wrong… I’m a single mom of 4 and there are times my kids see me cry even though I try and hide it from them… and I think she’s just trying to explain that yes… it is hard and I do cry but I wouldn’t change anything because I have you and you are worth it.
Always an negative person.
I agree. I always felt like I was a single mom because of my decisions and always get thankful that my kids didn’t have to endure the incessant fighting and pouting of 2 adults who live in the same house but Dislike each other. Sometimes I had to choose to be the provider instead of the nurturer which left me a little guilty since my kids didn’t have a lot of warm cookies etc but they have both learned many good skills and lessons from the whole ordeal. When the counselor asked my kids if they thought they were missing anything in their childhood they both said no…it was good.
You obviously missed the point of this piece
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes! I feel exactly this way. I am a single mom of4 kids, one with type 1 diabetes and life is hard but not ONE day goes by that I don’t tell my babies how much I love them and hug them and kiss them. They might see the dark circles under my eyes or the tired look on my face after work but I do it for them…they are my world, my life and my heart. I always tell them they make my heart sing. Yes, there are days I cry myself to sleep, cry while soaking in the tub when I get a second to do so, and yes, I haven’t been on a vacation in 5 years but I have always paid for the older ones to go with friends because they didn’t ask for this to happen and I want them to have the best childhood possible…maybe one day we will be able to go to Disneyworld as a family…or just a simple vacation, but until then, we’ll enjoy the park, movie night at the house on a pallet of sheets and blankets, ice cream dates and a whole lot of “Momma will always be there” ❤️
Lynde, you are doing an amazing job for the precious kids you are loving more than life ! Stay strong and keep on loving and leading them ! You will be so
Proud of them when they grow up to be amazing just like you !!
This is my life!!! I am sitting in the bathroom behind the door crying!! Linda you are awesome thank you for putting into words what most single mom’s want to say but don’t know how!!!I pray my children look back at their childhood and know how much I did and how much they are loved!!! There is nothing in this world that I love more than being a MOMMA!!
Wow, I literally had to stop reading several times because of the tears!! This is so true!! Thank you for writing this!!
Amen
My mom sent me this and can I just say I’m in literal tears. I always knew that she struggled a lot and I always feel bad for being really mean to her at some points and I just wanted to say ik this is anonymous but if you see this MOM ILY WITH ALL IF MY HEART and thank you for all that you do 😭💕
Single dads too… I went through a lot of the same thinks with a non-supportive Ex.
Yes agree this is for single dads that bust their butts everyday too to try to give their kids the life hat they deserve!
This isn’t just for the singles. It would also apply to families where a parent is in the middle of mental health situation. It can feel like you’re doing it all in your own sometimes
I don’t think this is appropriate to share with your children. They know things are messed up and they don’t need anymore negative adult problems messing up their childhood. Part of being a parent is being the strong one, the adult who protects her child(ren) from adult problems.
Every word of this made me cry because it’s so true for there are so many mothers end up in this situation. It should never happen. I know a few mothers who had to do it all so bless each and every one of you.
Omg I am in tears 😭 this is so me right now and I have a 9 year old daughter that don’t want anything to do with me cuz her dad is getting married and tills me that she has a new mom and that she has her family that so wants and for my 4 other kids they just show me love and know I’m trying my best as a Single mom… love this
Since the beginning of time (guessing here since I obviously wasn’t around), a woman has been doing all this anyway while men went to work, to hunt, to scout out new homesteads, left for military service, etc. There weren’t sneaks school’s to send the kids off to. Mom (grans and the whole community) was the school. Still is that way in parts of the world and for home schoolers.
I’m no troll, just speaking my mind here – it *seems* to me that it’s the divorced, or mad-at-his-ass-women, who speak out the most for the one parent household. It’s not men with thousands of single parent memes and blogs, it’s not miliary wives, it’s not the partner of one who is deceased. Single adoptive parents nor rape victims bellyache to the world how hard the single parent life. It’s mainly women whose relationship didn’t work out with the father.
So, this letter could have simply been the, “parenting is difficult” letter without having to bring in the missing father factor.
The reality is that despite having a wonderful supportive husband who helps relieve financial pressure I am the children’s primary caregiver.
I do everything relating to the kids and home there is nothing he does besides the occasional sports match and he gives them loads of love and attention.
I sometimes think single parents live in this dream world that husbands take on 50% of the responsibility but that is just an illusion. I speak for many of my happily married friends we are the primary caregivers and carry the can.
Correction. Single parent.
Im a single mom but cant say ive cryed behind closed doors ive enjoyed it all the way now my boys are 17-20 and we have a very close bond .
None of this bullshit happen until women’s lib it’s only been the last 50 years fucking man haters
Wow!! If you don’t have anything nice to say, then keep it to yourself. Single parent life is hard. Whether you’re a Mom or Dad. When you have any type of absent parent, and you have to play good cop and bad cop, mom and dad, understanding but disciplinarian. It’s not easy. When all the responsibilities fall solely on you. That’s the point of her words. You have to work, pay the bills, make sure they are doing well in school, doctors appointments, school events. You get pulled in several different directions. My Ex lives 2 hours a way and gets to decide when he wants to be a parent. For me it’s 365 days a year. My kids know how hard I fight for them and they appreciate me because they know. They know no matter what I will be there for them. They are my world, but it’s not easy. So screw your women’s lib crap, it has nothing to do with that. Single dads feel the same as single moms. This just happened to be written my a single mom. Stop bashing each other and let’s listen and support each other.
I raised my son alone. He was 6 months when I told his Dad to leave. I had a factory job, a good paying job, with good benefits. His Dad loved him, but he had some bad habits & he worked for the most part, but not like me. I went to work everyday, worked weekends. It was a demanding job. I felt guilty working so much. My son stayed with his babysitter. I picked him a great care giver. She treated him like her own grandchild. I just always felt so thankful. We had a decent home. I was able to give him everything he needed & more. By myself. His Dad paid maybe 3000.00 dollars in child support till he was 5 years old. During that 5 years, I took care of my son & after his Dad stopped paying. I really didn’t care. & I never stopped letting him see his Dad. We got along for our son. I was good with that cause we both loved him & it was always about our son.
Been there myself with 5 yr old and 16 month old many years ago. My husband died of brain cancer. Shortly after losing him my dad died then my mom 3 months later. I don’t know how I got through it. I had bigger plans for my own life but money and time didn’t allow that as their education and needs came first. I couldn’t be prouder of my 2 kids, one became a nurse and my son a great job as an operations mgr. Those were some tough years and my biggest accomplishment in life.
Thank you for writing this and putting into words what so many feel, including myself. May we all have the strength to be there for our babies , and ourselves , every day. Hang in there.
Thanks. I went through this years ago, but the memories still linger.
Such a beautiful article, well written and absolutely true.
I’m a single Mom of two children, I am pursuing a degree and was publicly shamed for being 39. I still show up – the degree is for my children.
I feel bad for them moms out there