Do you ever have those days where no matter what you say or do it seems to come out the wrong way?
Those days when you wish you could either hyper jump to the next day or redo the first day?
Or those moments when you’re like what in the world is going on here and how did this become my day today?
Well, that’s my today.
It didn’t start that way, which, in case you need to be reminded, most bad days don’t start out with. I think most of us wake up in the morning ready to go and look at the day for all the expectations and possibilities that could be done. I know I do. Like honestly, who starts out thinking I wonder how bad today could be?
So often they’re these little things – where we don’t see the good anymore or we allow ourselves aggravation versus grace or when we just plain and simple are a bit overwhelmed and feel alone in the overwhelm. This is motherhood truly. It’s this day in and day out and day in and day out giving of self with so little given back in return.
Yes, yes, yes… we can argue that we don’t need anything in return.
But, yet, deep down I think we all want to feel just a bit appreciated in life – you know have our days count?
It’s the giving and the expectations of motherhood and life: for dinner and for clean clothes and that we can drive them and that we won’t be late and that we’ll never lose our cool and that you can say whatever to me and that there is always more cleaning and don’t ever be upset and do all of this on no sleep and don’t forget to work and take care of yourself that can leave us stuck.
And having those days that go horribly awry.
Those days are so so so the worst.
They’re the days when I just want to scream and shout do-over but life is telling me no backsies. Hahah. Oh to be a child again where if we crossed our fingers we could get ourselves out of the pickle we had found ourselves in.
But we can’t.
We’re moms.
(or dads for all of you dads who read this site.)
And we have to keep going.
Even though on these days the tears seem to fall faster than normal and the kids seem to be fighting more and this whole journey of life feels completely and utterly alone. And sometimes I just get tired of being strong but there are no other options so we’re strong, right?
And sometimes it feels like when you mess up that things cannot be fixed. Or that you will be alone. Or that you’ve dropped the ball again. And and and. It can just be so much.
So I want you to remember just a couple things. They’re the things I’ve told myself in the middle of this overwhelming wishing for a partial do-over day.
I just want you to know if you don’t have anyone to reach out to that well, that you are not alone. Maybe by me writing about these days it gives an ounce of solace to your heart. And I want you to know that you will get through even though it feels so ridiculously impossible at the moment. You know those times when your legs feel like lead and you don’t know how to do the next thing?
Stop doing it all.
Just do one thing.
And be proud of yourself for that one thing.
Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves and look to others to pat us on the back and tell us good job. Well, the truth is that often they don’t see everything that we do and we really don’t need kudos from another to define our worth. Sure sure it is wonderful when we have that friend that loves us at our worst and thinks well of us, but still we have to see our own worth, our own wonderful and our own bravery without the need for accolades from others. The second we stop seeing that is the very second that life can slip into this crazy frenzy.
Now back to that one thing.
I know the one thing might have been reading a book or folding some laundry or rocking the baby or finishing up an email or making dinner (and simple counts) or calling that friend or whatever.
BUT IT STILL COUNTS.
Do you hear me?
It counts.
Motherhood and life forgets to count the bravery in those moments on those days when we want to pull the covers back over our head and call it quits. Well I’m telling you it is way way way brave those times when you’ve had it and you just keep going and doing those one things. Especially when the two year old won’t stop crying or the late bills come in the mail or you just have had one of those days when everything you say is taken the wrong way and you cannot explain yourself no matter what.
You count.
That’s what I want you to hear.
You count.
Not for being perfect. Not for having gold star days.
You count because you try.
And you give.
And you love.
That is what motherhood is.
~Rachel
ps. here’s a gold star for today too.
