I want you to find it again.
That’s the first thing I need you to read. I need you to have a spark of hope of encouragement, but more than that, I want you to know there is someone in your corner. Someone who believes in you. Someone who gets the excuses and understands the chaos and knows how deeply deeply painful it can be to look in the mirror and not know the person in the reflection staring back at yourself.
I know, because that once was me.
I lost my heart. But I didn’t realize it. I really really thought I was being a great mom. I thought I was checking all the boxes on the live a good life and everyone will be happy and you are a great mom and successful checklist. Yet, there was this gap, this space, this wondering about myself and my own heart. The things I loved. The spaces that made me laugh.
It would quickly get squashed by cries of mom and notes from school and spilled milk and my family needing me. So I would tuck that heart part of me, that deeply happy part down just a bit more, hoping it didn’t spill out and I would throw myself into motherhood. Do more, be more, be better, deny yourself and all of that.
I starved out my heart, in a way.
But in that starving came this bit of me that would look around at everyone else and think when will I get to be happy?
And I hated that space. It was lonely. And it felt daunting – especially when the demands of my life and motherhood seemed to crowd out my own heart. I felt lost.
You see, sweet mom, I want you to know that it’s okay that you feel lost a bit in motherhood. It’s not because you messed up or you didn’t do your job, in fact, you are doing amazing things every day. It’s not because you aren’t a good mom either. Because sometimes it is very easy to think if only I was a great mom I would be fully happy and satisfied. But that? That’s not true either. Let’s get that straight, alright? Raising humans with their own will and stubbornness is not a simple feat. I don’t care that it seems like we all have our acts together because I can guarantee you that everyone of us has had to deal with meltdowns in the Target aisle by the candy. And it sucks. Every time. Or the notes from school or the I hate you you are the worst mom ever. Or houses that once were immaculate and look like a bomb went off when someone stops by. Or relationships falling apart. Or money issues. Or <insert whatever crazy random chaos that you did not sign up for> that you would like.
But listen, just as you cultivate and fight for your kids, you have to fight for your heart too.
Could you imagine telling your kids eh, your dreams? don’t worry about them today. You’ll get to them someday. They’re not important. You wouldn’t tell them that because you love them.
You must love yourself too.
It is not selfish to fill your heart. To follow your dreams too. You may be mom, but you are also you – unique, beautiful, full of talents and gifts. And maybe right now it’s not even about doing crazy things but is rather about just a bit of permission.
Permission to breathe.
Permission to take a night off.
Permission to know that your kids will turn out even if you are not perfect.
Permission to understand that your kids have personalities and make choices that you cannot always control.
Permission to laugh again.
Permission.
You don’t need to ever apologize for being you. For saying no when you need to and yes when it’s urgent. The only way that you will start to recognize the reflection in the mirror again is when you, yes you, decide that that heart is just as valuable as everyone else’s.
Because you are valuable. You are wonderful. You are powerful.
I don’t want you to storm out of your life and leave everything behind. I do want you to decide that every single day you are going to do one thing that will make you smile. One thing that could change your life. I’m talking one simple thing.
Can you imagine a year of doing one thing? All of a sudden that one thing becomes a story, an adventure, a journey. And in it all you have decided, and you are teaching your children, that your journey, your dreams, your heart matters.
I seriously cannot think of a more beautiful lesson then showing our children to value our hearts.
It starts with you sweet mom.
I wrote this because I believe in you. I truly deeply do. I may not know you, I may never meet you face to face, but my calling, my journey, my heart is to speak a word of truth.
Dare to dream. Be brave.
Fight for your heart.
Because this is your story, your life, your journey too.
~Rachel
17 comments
This just made me cry because my daughter posted it on Facebook, I just hope she will take time for her. She is a good wife and mom but I don’t think she has been a good friend to herself, sometimes I feel guilty for being happy because I don’t think she is 🌝
Thank you Rachel, I am not a mom but I am an Aunt and was a teacher. This was so relatable and enlightening❣️
Wow guess we don’t see it, until. It’s pointed out!! But the hardest love , I suppose, is for ourselves mms or dads; and anyone!!! Joanne campbell. May my daughter find what she searches endlessly to fulfill her heart. For you P
Wow guess we don’t see it, until. It’s pointed out!! But the hardest love , I suppose, is for ourselves mms or dads; and anyone!!! Joanne campbell. May my daughter find what she searches endlessly to fulfill her heart. For you P
I really enjoyed your story as this is why I gave my daughters the freedom to make choices for themselves as they always claimed I was very mean and hard on them, They both got pregnant had abortions, but in the end they became good and responsible people. But it takes a lot of sacrifice and love and discipline to be that good parent.
nice story
Each of your posts like this cracks the wall a bit more, hints of what joy was, what it might be again. Thank you for sharing your journey 💕
Thanks for this story and your posts. A lot of what you share resonates deeply. Just as this story did. When my youngest child was 2 I fell into deep depression because I had lost who I was. I felt like running away but knew I couldn’t because I had 2 beautiful girls to love and they needed me. Now my youngest is 11 and I’m her final year of primary school. I have learnt that I’m more than a mother and a wife & self care and sharing my experiences with my daughters are essential to help them make good choices for themselves and learn from the ones that don’t work as expected. My mother has never shared her dreams or life experiences with me so I don’t actually know who she is as a person except for being my mother. I don’t know if she knows who she is and that leaves me feeling sad for her. I would love to give her your book.
This….I needed this. 😭
This….I needed this😭
Thank you
…“Or houses that once were immaculate and look like a bomb went off when someone stops by. Or relationships falling apart. Or money issues. Or that you would like.” …
My insert was “lose husband to another woman (or women!), having a malignant brain tumor, surgery, and radiation treatment; pain, lose hair, appetite, weight; lose both parents, pain; lose money; lose wonderful apartment, lose daughter to ex, lose cats to ex; pain; lose boyfriend, pain; brother moves away without notice; lose daughter to being transgender (gender dysphoria), pain; me becoming homeless, pain; moving in with friend, needing back surgery, pain; losing same (trans) daughter to estrangement (won’t talk to me anymore), pain; getting diagnosed with breast cancer on Christmas Eve, surgery for that (losing parts of both breasts), pain, radiation treatment, pain and losing place to live again, pain, and now staying temporarily in friend’s home. Partially living out of car stuffed with my things, the rest in storage. Pain.
Yeah, life can suck alright. Common thread? Pain. Physical, emotional, parental…
What did I do? I didn’t drink wine or cocktails, not addicted to drugs, just on prescription meds, and I hate taking them… one is for preventing breast cancer (a form of chemotherapy), one is for cholesterol, one is antidepressant, one for migraines… I wish I would lose the migraines!!
My worst crime, I think, has been not getting any time with my child. As a mother – this frustrates me the most, breaks my heart… and my ex is complicit in preventing me from interacting with her (him), and for communicating several misunderstandings that have yet to be cleared up.
I’m not a happy camper, but I try to stay hopeful. And even cheerful… God knows I try. Thankfully, my friend I’m staying with has cats.
Yes, I’m kind of lost. And it’s painful.
* …“Or houses that once were immaculate and look like a bomb went off when someone stops by. Or relationships falling apart. Or money issues. Or that you would like. Previous post strangely left out parts of this paragraph…
Did it again!! *… “insert whatever crazy random chaos that you did not sign up for” that you would like.
I’m a Grandma now only starting to think of what I want. Others get hurt when you do tha I know but we can’t always do what others want. We then hurt ourselves.
Taking my college kiddo (and one and only) back to school ten hours away tomorrow. So needed this reminder. Motherhood is the best job I’ve ever had but it is also the hardest job I’ve ever tackled. Thank you!
My mom tagged me in this on FB today, needless to say she always knows, not sure how but she does!!! I had a ROUGH day. I definitely needed this! Thank You so much for sharing! It is AMAZING!