A couple days ago I shared with you two little words in my post 5 Ways to Be More Present Today that I have to tell myself all the time – don’t rush. I was surprised by how many of you resonated with that phrase – that rushing, hurrying through life phrase that even though we don’t want to be racing through our day that we still rush phrase. It’s no wonder. Culture is simply not set up to sit still – it’s a racing, rushing, speeding society where we’re taught if you don’t constantly push you’ll be immediately behind.
It’s pressure. It’s expectations to do, to be, to purchase, to perform, to maintain – it’s a blur of needs and wants and must haves lumped into the everyday.
Yet, there is this balance that needs to be found – a balance of moving with knowing how to breathe and simply sit and embrace today.
Motherhood is in a way a counterpoint to the rushing – it is full of moments, life moments, joy, learning, laughter, that in essence requires not rushing, not racing, not hurrying to get through.
I am a racer.
I wake up in the morning feeling behind and move frenetically throughout the day constantly trying to just break even. It’s like treading water sometimes. I’ll tell myself I’ll get to those real important moments – the book reading, car driving, painting, sitting on the couch, baking cookies, working mom things – in just a minute, in a second, after I quick finish everything that is staring at me constantly in the face. Then I’ll go to bed, and think about how the next day I want to be intentional, and concrete, and stop rushing through every single moments that I’m blessed with each day.
And yet, I do it again.
Running. Rushing. Racing.
Slowing down is not simple for me.
Slowing down is a discipline. It takes work to focus my mind and actually play with the Tow Mater car that Samuel hands to me and interact with him and the 29 other cars that he’s dragged into the living room to play with. It is work. It often means that my living room looks lived in by the time 4 pm rolls around. And that is okay – I’ll clean it at 5pm. But, if I don’t let the freedom of a box of cars dumped out over my floor at times and me, the busy mom, on the floor with them, then I’m losing out on moments that matter.
Honestly? Sometimes I want to rush through or avoid the mess and just keep it looking perfect all the time. But then I sacrifice that sweet laughing moment with my little boy who won’t stay little for long. And I really don’t want to lose that.
So what to do? How do you, how do I, learn to balance the to-do list without rushing within the race of motherhood? We do, after all, have to keep up with a very real, and very large to-do list. We have to work and mother and do all those things and expectations and can’t simply stop all the time. Stuff simply needs to get done. Yet, there needs to be this balance between the racing and the embracing of the day.
One thing I’ve learned, and I’ve shared before, is to begin to write down on my to-do list some non rushing through the day items. Play cards. Read for 15 minutes. Take the girls for coffee. Watch the sunrise while sitting on the front porch. Build with legos. Help them write a story. Get the dress up box out. Play catch in the backyard. If they’re not in front of my face then often I won’t do them.
I want to live an intentional relationship focused life — just like many of you so sweetly write to me about in the emails, comments, and facebook notes. We’re in this together, this journey to find balance in motherhood. And it is balance. I want a clean laundry caught up dinner done by 6pm home just as much as you do – but I also, just like many of you write, don’t want to be so stuck on this ideal that I become discontent, grumbling, and racing to keep everything looking a certain way that I push the moments with my kids aside till the rarely coming time when I slow down and stop.
So my challenge to you? Take two minutes, reflect on motherhood and joy and what truly matters, and figure out what the you are going to wish that you had just put down your agenda of stuff and instead embraced their agenda moments actually are.
Maybe it’s rocking just a bit longer in the morning with the toddler. Maybe it’s making chocolate chip cookies with the four year old and letting them help even though it’s a mess. Maybe it’s a walk around the block. Maybe you read the same book over and over and stop to answer every single question that pops up after ever 18 words. Maybe you take your tween shopping and just enjoy it. Maybe you make homemade pizzas and don’t care as much that the mozzarella got over the floor and that there is pizza sauce on shirts.
Slow down, just for a moment, and plan.
Otherwise today will simply race past and tomorrow will come and another and again and again.
And then they’re gone.
The rushing mom meets real life today.
I’m in this with you.
~Rachel
13 comments
I love this one – I too am always rushing around like crazy! Waking up and feeling behind. I def. need to stop and slow down more often, thanks for the inspiration yet again!
I feel like I could have written this myself. I am constantly trying to be ‘that Mum’ that has everything perfect and a to-do list that I am constantly trying to keep up with. I need to learn to slow down and stop. My beautiful 3 year old boy will only be little once and I needed to realise that sooner rather than later and I think you may have just done that for me.
You are such an inspiration to all mothers out there and for that I thank you xx
Your post today is an answer to my prayers. So often I climb into bed at night and wish that I had treasured those little moments with my boys. It is such a constant struggle to find that balance between them and the to-do list. Thank you for the reminder this morning that they are always more important. I’m so glad to know we’re in this together.
Bless you all! It is such a blessing to me to come and read your sweet words and to know that I am not alone in this quest for intentional parenting. Thank you for sharing your hearts with me — you all are kindred spirits.
Rachel
I am so glad I found your blog a few weeks ago. You have made me a better mother. You remind me to slow down, play, and be present during these precious years with a 1 and 3 year old. It is nice to know that my struggles are not just my own. I live with daily “to-do” lists and I love the idea of putting some playful things on the list too. Thank you again for another inspiring post. 🙂
I have found that living for today, this moment helps me to slow down and focus. Kids do it so well, we can take a cue from them. I wrote about it today. http://themahoganyway.wordpress.com/2012/11/01/30-days-of-gratitude-this-day/
Excellent post. I do the whole chicken-headed thing far too often.
Thanks for the reminder to slow down.
~FringeGirl
Thanks you for this. I don’t know how, but each of your posts seem to come on the exact day that I need them.
I love the idea of putting some of those precious moments, that won’t always be there, on the “to-do list”
http://womaninamansworl.blogspot.com/
I was looking for a place for positive blogs and found yours. With so many bad things, and so much hatred in the world, I need to know that there is still good out there. I have only read a couple of your posts, but they have all spoken to me. I will continue to read more, and to come back often.
Thank you for your realism.
I stopped myself about 6 times from rushing through dinner and starting cleanup before anyone else was done. It was really hard, but nice at the same time.
yes. i am that mom. i’ve gotten much better but man, it is tough when it’s in your DNA to be checking off a list.
anyway, thank you. if you ever make your way to michigan, will you have coffee with me? kthxbye.
For longer than I care to admit, I have been falling into bed at night and wondering how the day had gone by so fast!
I think you hit the nail on the head Rachel. I’m not living. I’m just completing task after task and ‘managing’ my kids but not really taking the time to enjoy them.
I love the idea of putting things to do with them on my daily to do list. Will try it tomorrow. Thanks for shining a light at the end of the tunnel.
Praying!
Hebrews 4:14-16 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
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