It’s Monday morning, and I’m sitting in the coffee shop writing {and sipping a lovely caramel latte} while I wait for Chloe to finish teaching a preballet class to a sweet bunch of 3-4 year olds. It’s peaceful, calm, and lovely — except for a bit of disgruntled words behind the counter. I heard this cutting down and loud remark from one employee {a manager, perhaps?} to another.
And it made me uncomfortable.
Honestly, even if someone isn’t doing what’s right I just don’t think it gives license for one to publicly {and a bit sarcastically} reprimand someone else. I could see the one employee shrink back, with a reddening face, while the entire coffee shop looked up wondering what would come next.
Sitting here, in my leather chair with the sun streaming in, I feel upset and uncomfortable for the one who was snipped at. I was an outsider looking in, watching, observing dynamics. What if someone peeked through my windows? Heard me? Would they think the same about my tone? My voice?
How come you dumped those out? Again?
Clean up your room.
I cannot believe you made this mess.
Where are you going, now?
You come back here.
Will you ever get it?
Sigh. I’m being real.
I don’t want to respond that way.
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Speaking with gentle tones, reaffirming tones, training tones — it all take discipline. Balance. It takes stepping back from the situation, not letting whatever is going on dictate emotion, and requires truly looking at those around us — our children, our spouses, our friends — through a lens of understanding and love in the midst of the crazy.
Otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll be too quick. I’ll be saying the dude, what are you doing? show at least some proactivity line that I just heard here sarcastically uttered here in the coffee shop.
Proactivity? It needs to be taught. Modeled. Trained. And that can’t be done with short, sharp, cutting remarks. It is a matter of gathering those around us and loving them no matter how frustrated we are, or how messy the house is, or what we need to get done.
Do I mess up? Do I snap back? Absolutely. Yet, bottom line is that I want to live aware and diligent with my tone of voice. Voice matters.
Tone. Voice.
Watch yours today. Are your words spoken in the way you’d want to be spoken to? I think back to that coffee shop employee and wonder if she even remembers that sixty second exchange that made me rethink the power of voice. I do. It made an impression on me.
Words matter.
I’m watching mine.
15 comments
Words do matter! They matter a lot! They have e power to create or tear down.
Thanks for the reminder today.
May we all be ever more vigilant about guarding our tongues.
Blessings!
Yes! The fault lies with me, and training that needs to be done, not the sweet children who don’t read my mind.
Thank you for the reminder.
One of my favorite parenting mantras is: HOW you say something is just as important as WHAT you say.
And I need the reminder just as often as my children do!
His, Lisa
Mmm. So true, Rachael. One of my worst flaws I think. Thanks for the convicting reminder.
I think hearing my children mimic the tone I use with them is sometimes my biggest wakeup call, Rachel. Wow…. it makes me think about the way in which I speak to them.
Thanks for this reminder!
Ouch. Cuts deep. Needed this today!
Yes! I hear you… loud and clear.
Very good to think about today and act on. I do often think about my voice and tone and more so especially now with the windows open.
Now – why is that? Why should I be concerned? I ask myself…
I sit here in tears. Convicted. We lost our second baby in 5 months Saturday. I snapped at my oldest last night. Such a horrible tone. I felt horrible as soon as it was out of my mouth. It wasn’t his fault. He doesn’t know what it going on. He doesn’t know my heart hurts and that I am just on edge right now. He didn’t really even do anything wrong. Oh how I need to treat my little blessings better all the time. These blessing that I am able to hold for just a little while. Thank you for this post, Rachel.
Great reminder! Thanks for this!
Sigh. *Raising hand* Me too. It is probably the worst thing ever with me. I needed this reminder. I am so thankful God’s not done with me yet!
I was just struggling with this yesterday. How convicting! When I use a wrong tone with my children, they begin speaking to each other in the same way. What I do can really affect the harmony of the whole family.
so, so important… tone of voice. for everyone in a family. great post today!
One of the reasons my son decided to finally go for a promotion in his store was he saw how some of the managers treated the employees and he knew it wasn’t right and knew he could do better. Am so proud of him!
These words give such comfort! I’m always here praying hard for your family!
Job 19:25-27 For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me.
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Thanks. I needed to be reminded of this, today. I appreciate your gentle but firm words…well said!
We are working on this hard around my house lately. We just let things go too far to where I absolutely hated the way we talked to each other. Me Hubsy and I are working hard at being good examples (which is improving thank goodness!) so hopefully that along with gentle reminders to the kids will help them “get it”. I think tone is so often overlooked and yet so very important. Great post Rachel!