sixty “you might be a mom” facts

Some facts. And, yes, permanent marker mustaches are picture worthy.

1. You will never catch up on laundry.
2. There will always be at least a dozen missing socks.
3. It is perfectly acceptable to run the wash one more time if you forgot to put it in the dryer.
4. Crayons in the dryer are always bad. You can facebook that one and always get sympathy.
5. The knees on hand-me-down jeans will not make it to the third boy.
6. Whispering when the tension is high helps. Sometimes.
7. No one will ever just drop by when your house is spotless.
8. Everyone will just drop by when it looks like World War 3 happened in your living room.
9. It doesn’t help to straighten up after they leave – even though I do that every time.
10. No one really cares if your living room looks terrible – it just makes us all feel normal.

11. Just one more minute will quickly turn into a half an hour.
12. Books can only be read with squeaky voices sometimes.
13. Even with a chore chart expect an argument over whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher.
14. If bedtime is scheduled for 8pm then they’ll be in bed at 8:30.
15. Make bedtime 7:30 pm then.
16. Have on your speed dial a list of friends that you can call for those days.
17. Including days when you don’t know what’s wrong but you just know it’s one of those days.
18. Never run out of toilet paper.
19. Never run out of paper towels and napkins.
20. And never ever ever run out of all three on the same day.
21. Have your good friend on speed dial for the days you run out of all paper products.
22. Don’t ever expect to drink your coffee by yourself.

23. If you wear makeup expect the kids to ask if you’re going out.
24. If you do your hair, expect them to find your purse.
25. The easiest dinners will always be the favorite.
26. Pencils will vanish in your home.
27. Markers will not. They will all simply dry out because the caps have been left off for so long.
28. You will forget to silence your phone at church, at the doctor’s office, and any other quiet place.
29. Monkey Preschool will be on your phone’s homescreen.
30. Angry Birds will also be on your phone’s homescreen.
31. Your five year old will hold the record on Angry Birds.
32. Don’t fold the clothes for your kids – they’ll rummage through them.
33. If you do fold them, like I do, then expect them to not look folded.
34. It is normal to have individual shoes from a pair in two locations in your home.
35. Zippers will break on winter coats. Or they won’t even zip them.

36. If you say, look at that mess they will say, that’s my amazing creation.
37. Learn to ask, what is that? first.
38. Brush up on your math facts.
39. You will do the let me smell your breath to check if your kids brushed their teeth.

40. You will master the art of flossing other’s teeth.
41. The birthday cake that you saw on pinterest will not look the same when you make it.
42. The party favors that you saw on pinterest will not look the same when you make them.
43. You will still pin birthday cakes and party favors.
44. You still feel young but when you start to run, play just dance, or all of that you will get winded.
45. You might look a bit silly playing Just Dance. Play it anyways.
46. Your kids won’t believe you survived highschool without a cell phone.
47. If you’re reading this and you went to highschool with a cell phone then I’ve just dated myself.
48. The mornings where you wake up early will be the mornings everyone wakes up early.

49. Even though you’re exhausted it doesn’t mean you will fall asleep.
50. Save your Mother’s Day cards. Handmade are the best.
51. Even though you might not hear – thank you mom – you are still very loved.
52. Look your kids in the eye, smile, and tell them you’re proud of them.
53. Look your kids in the eye, smile, and tell them you love them.
54. Ten minutes after dinner someone will tell you they’re starving.
55. You will tell them they’re not starving, but they will insist that they are.
56. You will have mastered making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
57. At five pm expect major tension and immediate crises in your home.
58. At five pm say your prayers of thanks for Disney Jr.
59. Each day is a new day, but still hide the permanent markers.
60. And of course, you matter.