Maybe it took 40 plus years of doing Christmas for me to realize that instead of putting so much pressure on myself during the holidays that I need to shift my expectations. I think so much of finding joy is in adjusting and just deciding to be real. So with that, here are six things I expect this year.
1. Expect anything but perfection. Somehow Christmas and the holidays have become this nostalgia inducing, snow flakes falling, Charlie Brown music playing, gingerbread cookies baking, tinsel hanging, lights glittering time of year. And truth be told – life is never perfect. I’d be content to have just one of those things happen in my house. Because honestly, my tree has fallen over, I’ve had years with no money for gifts, years with sickness, years with troubles and so forth. All the stuff we see on social is just a glimpse, just a portion of the whole image. And truthfully, even if it’s not perfect, it doesn’t make it any less valuable. Some of the sweetest Christmases I’ve lived have been the years that are so far from perfect because it simply makes me grateful for the little things tucked in there. So don’t expect perfect – that just robs us from joy.
2. Expect for the routine to be not routine. I don’t know about you, but the schedule can get crazy during the holidays. This is also when all sorts of sicknesses like to rear their head and wreck havoc on the written in stone schedule. I’m not joking, this is the time of year that always ends up with my kids coming home from school saying guess what? So and so threw up in class today! And then, me the rather paranoid mom will almost always ask how far were you from him? Did you wash your hands? How is your stomach now? And then for two days I’ll serve rice for dinner and will avoid anything remotely red in color. But, you know, that’s part of life – that messing up of the routine. And this year, well, I’m expecting the routine to be bumpy.
3. Expect that laughter and joy will be found in the unexpected places. You know how that is, right? You work and work and plan and plan and our kids find joy in the simplest of things. Sometimes it isn’t in the elaborate gift but rather that thing you grabbed at the last minute just because. I think releasing the expectations of all the big things bringing joy helps with the whole thing because we’re just ready to be thankful for the time we have together. You know what else? Last night my kids wanted to play a game with me. A game – not do the cookies, not extra stuff – but a game. So we played Sorry for an hour and they told me that was the best night ever. For them – laughter and joy comes from the giving of time – not stuff.
4. Expect to give yourself grace. A whole bunch of grace. Sometimes Christmas is simply hard. I’ve lived Christmastimes where I just want to close my eyes and blink and wish it was January 1. You know what? That is okay. It really is okay. If it’s not perfect or ideal or Currier and Ives that’s okay. So do your best. Maybe you don’t do all the traditions that you used to do, but rather just do your best. Maybe it means store bought cookies. Maybe it means asking for help (and I know how hard and humbling this is – but please – if you need help there are many who want to help). Maybe it means just simply giving yourself grace to not be perfect, but just real.
5. Expect that there will be the guilt inducing potential but that we don’t have to agree with it. Yes, that – you can’t escape it. Just going on Pinterest is enough to make my pulse race. So this year I’m working on letting it go. My kids, my family, my friends – they don’t need me stressing out creating a bar of expectations for Silent Nights and eggnog caroling evenings with homemade cookies – they need me happy. Yes, happy. You see, if I want to do the extra awesome stuff – then I will do it because I love it. There are no rules over what we all need to do. In fact, just because one of our friends is “Martha Stewart Jr.” during the holidays doesn’t mean we need to be that way. Love her for her – that just might be one brings her joy. So instead of guilt and comparison I will expect that this year, I’ve decided to let it go. What brings happiness is loving our own traditions, our faith, our joys – not putting them against the paradigm of whatever everyone else does.
6. Expect that giving is way better than getting. That’s what I want my kids to know. See that pic above? That’s us in our driveway getting ready to leave for Secret Santa shopping trip for their siblings round two. That’s what I want them to remember – the joy of giving to others. You know, just like I wrote the other day, my kids didn’t ask me to put lights up outside. I sure had a dozen other things that I could have been doing, but I put those lights up because I love them. This is the time to give, to look out of our own paradigm. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to give money right then (because I’ve lived the years where I barely have enough to make it so please don’t add that guilt) but maybe it’s just being kind. Yes, yes, yes… kind. Because the holidays can make us all crazy and then we forget that the person in front of us in line is a real person with a real story and maybe just needs grace. So let’s give not only grace to ourselves, but to other, my friends.
So that’s what I expect.
How about you?
What does it mean, “grace?” I’ve been searching for this. What does it mean to give yourself grace, or to extend grace to someone?
I think, to me, grace is the idea of even when we mess up (or others) we don’t hold it against ourselves (or them). Sometimes I can get caught in a cycle of “beating myself up” for times that I mess up versus just understanding that i’m only human. It’s almost a bit extra space in our responses.
Hope that helps, Amy.
I really needed to read this. I’ve got a four year old,v two year old and a newborn. I’ve been stressing about how I’m going to make the Christmas season magical (and basically, just get through it) while sleep deprived. Your words comforted me and gave me the kind of permission I needed to chill out about it all. Thank you.
You are welcome, Lindsay. There will be many many Christmas seasons in the future when you can do extra — now, now is the time to just be.
Thanks for the reminder to accept the imperfections of the holidays and not expect perfection. I needed that! Xo
We have been dealing with many serious medical issues this year in our immediate and extended family. We are intentionally making the whole holiday season “simple”.