I felt like I didn’t belong in the good mom club anymore.
I felt like I was the failing mom now. No longer am I the mom who stays at home day after day after day, but now, now somehow in my motherhood journey I’ve become the mom who looks at her kids in the eyes and tells them she loves them and then gets on a plane and travels for work only to return three days later.
It’s like motherhood is a bit interrupted.
I’ll hear all these questions, really innocent questions from those curious about my life like – how do you do it all? how do you manage? – and I’ll start to doubt, to question myself, and wonder about my own mothering abilities. I’ll disregard the years of motherhood – the times coloring at the table, sitting in a hospital with a sick child, driving to ballet hoping the gas lasts because I forgot to fill the tank but we were too late to stop, negotiating and giving time so your kids can take the classes that you cannot afford, cooking over the stove stirring noodles and sauce, folding tshirts only to have them dumped on the floor, and so on and on. I’ll sit behind my computer, just like right now, and I’ll start to type words about motherhood for the world to read and I’ll hear this little small voice in the back of my head taunting me about my own motherhood knowledge.
Who are you to write about motherhood? Your life isn’t the perfect motherhood story.
Then the tears will fill my eyes and I’ll have those moments looking at my life and wondering when it became so different from what I imagined life would really be. Did I imagine perfection? No. But I didn’t expect the trials and ups and downs and moments where I have a second to breathe and look around and wonder if I’m really qualified to be a mom.
I’ll wrestle with those am I a good mom feelings? or am I enough? or will my kids love me? or you guessed it – that deep down pit anxiety fear of failing.
And it doesn’t matter if one works, stays home, works part time, has a perfect life, has a life where it feels like every single day you’re pulling up your boot straps and hoping the next will be better – I think, deep down, we all at some point deal with the idea that motherhood is a bit interrupted.
But isn’t that interrupted feeling actually a bit normal?
Sometimes I naively forget that life isn’t a Disney movie or a Hallmark show. Sometimes I think that things should wrap up in 90 minutes and we’re all dancing and feeling fabulous again. Sometimes I forget that motherhood is really a story of interruptions. We’ve got this idea of what we want life to be. You’ve got it too. For all of childhood we’re told to plan for our futures, to prepare, to prep, and to dream. And yet, so often, so many times the plans have interruption after interruption after interruption.
Do you have those? Those moments in life where life moves in directions that you never expected? Motherhood is such a story of dealing with interruptions. It’s in waking in the morning thinking you’ll know how your day will progress and then plopping yourself exhausted in bed at night wondering if you got anything accomplished. It’s in days spent working when you wish you could be home or days spent at home wishing you could be working. It’s a great deal of adapting, giving of self, and trying.
You and I could sit in bitterness. Or discouragement. Or wondering how in the world life and motherhood doesn’t match what we thought it could be. But then? We’re stuck. You’re stuck.
But we don’t stay stuck.
You don’t stay there.
[Tweet “You don’t stay stuck. The tears can fall, the eyes exhausted, and you march on. #motherhood”]
That’s the beauty of an interruption. It’s just that, an interruption. And once it’s done, we pull up those motherhood bootstraps that are so unique to our stories and you and I and the moms next door and at work and all of us as a collective group of mothers we just start again. The tears can fall, the eyes be exhausted, and the body tired and yet you and I and all of us we just keep going. Marching on in the path of time.
One step. One moment. One time giving after another and another.
Because you love your children.
I love my children.
Do you know what matters? What matters that you have always kept going. It means fighting for you so that you can fight for your kids. It means being willing to cry and admit you don’t have it together. It means rising up again and again and again.
Because we don’t quit as moms.
You don’t quit.
Quitting would mean stopping. So in a life full of interruptions and hard stuff and irritating things you don’t stop. You fight and give and make sandwiches and call schools and drive to soccer and read doctor’s reports and wash counters and deal with all sorts of hard and easy and normal stuff. Interruptions.
And that is what makes you stronger.
[Tweet “Interruptions make you stronger as a mother. Beauty is found in strength.”]
It is what makes you beautiful.
Beauty isn’t found in creams and make up and perfect bodies. Beauty isn’t found in a size. Beauty isn’t found in having hair that’s manageable and under control with just the right bounce. Beauty isn’t found in the clothes you wear, nails you paint, or lips that you stain.
Beauty is found in strength.
It is found in the moments when you might look your worst and you don’t care and you fight for your kids. It’s found in pony tails and hair tucked behind ears. It’s found in eyes puffy from tears falling and a heart hoping for a better day tomorrow. It’s found in messy hand prints and stains on the shirt. It’s found in humility and the words I’m sorry and in trying again.
Real motherhood beauty is found in those motherhood interrupted moments.
Mom. Real mom. You are beautiful.
In your messy imperfect and yet sometimes totally wonderful motherhood interrupted life.
17 comments
I love this post! And I can relate!
My only concern is that you never mention your husband, yet you talk about Dan Morris all the time. Hope your marriage is doing alright.
Rachel,
I was the fortunate beneficiary of your most recent motherhood interruption at BlogCon. And I totally understand why you wrote this post, even though your presence in NYC was truly appreciated.
It is so natural…our determination to give the best of ourselves as Mothers is so deep, we will always question whether our imperfection is good enough for the spectacular privilege we have been given to raise children.
Good job, Rachel. In so many ways.
Deborah
I enjoyed meeting you in NYC. Truly it was a great blessing.
Rachel
Ian stopped.
Just like that – he faded away, no longer a Dad.
I just spent a week away from the girls, for the very first time.
And I wondered who he had become that he could do that.
Because we carry them and miss them in every moment.
Beautifully written. It’s easy to get stuck and feel like you’ve failed in the interruptions. But you are right, there is beauty and strength in moving forward. Moms may be allowed a brief pause, but we have to go in spite of the interruptions! Thanks for the encouragement.
Nobody’s really qualified to be a mother. In the business world, who would hire someone who hasn’t had one minute of experience and the only training or preparation was maybe reading some books about the job…which can disagree with each other. You’d get laughed out of the building! But this is how motherhood starts! What we do is learn as we go. What you’re doing is sharing things that work for you. You’re not telling everyone that you’re an expert. You’re saying that you’re a mom, this is what you’ve been through and if people can relate, that’s great, and if not, well that’s great, too. We’re all different. What you’re doing is putting down “on paper” feelings and situations that so many can relate to but don’t know how to put into words themselves. Or they’re afraid to say it out loud because what would the neighbors think if they found out you actually made mac and cheese…from a box! For dinner! You help by showing others that motherhood does have “warts.” And that’s what mothers need to hear!
Praying as always!
Psalms 142:1-3a I cried unto the LORD with my voice; with my voice unto the LORD did I make my supplication. I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path.
Oh my Gosh, once again I feel like you are in my head. Everytime I read this blog I feel like you are sent from Heaven to give me a pep talk. Yesterday I had one of those days. I feel like I’m failing all over the place. I just wanted to get in the car and drive…..I was gazing out my kitchen window at the sunset through the trees and wishing I was by myself …at Lake Michigan…watching that sunset. I didn’t want to deal with the sick husband, crying potty trainer, messy house….. I was that cranky mom I never imagined when I had two sweet girls that I never raised my voice to.- I worry what my kids will remember about me….I wonder if it is all worth it….I hate looking in the mirror…because I’m only getting older…I feel like it takes a lot of work to even look acceptable….I feel like my life is constant interruptions…animals, kids, phone, house problems.my expectations…. I have many days where I’m trying to hide my tears as I’m picking up a mess made by my 14 year old lab who still is with it, but makes messes I shouldn’t have to pick up….Thank you , thank you, thank you….at least I feel there is one person out there who feels my pain. God Bless you!!!
Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.
(Proverbs 19:21 ESV)
Every single day for the last {almost} year, I have felt like I am failing as a mom to my toddler… ever since finding out last year that our second child, still in my womb at the time, would likely die from a chromosomal disorder. This is the biggest interruption of motherhood I will likely ever know. I am home pretty much every minute of every 24 hours with my son, and even then, I often don’t feel present as a mother. After losing our daughter a few hours after she was born, I have been in the throes of grief, as well as the months that led up to it. I have often been discouraged and sorrowful that not only did I lose my daughter, but I have lost so much time with my son because of it, too. Though I try very hard, I am not nearly as present for him as I would be if this interruption had never come. I struggle to accept losing such precious time with him… at such a wonderful age. But I pray all the time that I won’t miss any more than I have to as we work our way through the grieving process and try to make it back to “normal” again. I pray that God will take this motherhood interruption and turn it into and intervention… injecting something different into my son’s life that he would not have otherwise learned or received. Maybe that is the key to all interruptions we face. Looking for the ways God can turn them into something other than interruption, but rather an opportunity… an experience in growth that is beyond {and better than} what the “picture perfect” ideal of motherhood looks like. In fact, this has to be the case, because I know there is not one mother that experiences motherhood the way they thought they would, and not one mother who did not have some sort of interruption {at least one} along the way. Before getting pregnant a second time and losing that baby, I had little interruption as a mother. Motherhood looked very much like I imagined it would. Now, it is a far cry from those days. I have to belief that God will create beauty out of this interruption in the end. At least, that is my earnest prayer. Thank you for sharing the true side of being a mom.
This is one of your best posts! I completely and totally agree with you that motherhood is indeed interrupted, lots of times. Like you, my own journey was interrupted by a child’s severe health problems. Mine was also interrupted not by a beautiful birth story, but by a placental abruption. It was interrupted by not being able to homeschool my kids like I had dreamed, but going back to work to pay the bills and get us on our feet again. Then it was interrupted again to quit working to be there for my child who was struggling with health problems. Time and time again it has and probably will continue to be interrupted, but like you said motherhood is about strength, perseverance and doing what benefits your family most at a given time. Your message that motherhood is what matters most, not what category of motherhood (stay at home vs. working) you may find yourself in, is a beautiful and much needed message. You are not failing, you are defying categories and taking care of your family.
This is a great post. Being a mother isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but we can try our best to be the best in spite of all th
This is a great post. Being a mother isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but we can try our best to be the best in spite of all the interruptions we encounter in life.
This is a great post. Being a mother isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but we can try our best to be the best in spite of all the the interruptions we encounter in life.
Praying right now!
1 Peter 1:3-5 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
Thank you. I needed to hear this right now.
I can’t thank you enough for this post. I look back and can’t think of a time that I have been a perfect mother … Working or staying at home. I thought once I quit work I would be able to be more present, more organized, more balanced … But i struggle for it every day. Most days I feel like I have failed in some area. I end a lot of my days praying for strength and forgiveness. Life has thrown curveballs in some form or another since becoming a mother … and I am beginning to accept that this will most likely continue throughout my life. Thank you for reminding me that it’s the strength to continue, to press forward in faith that counts the most.
I don’t know your story, other than the posts I have been able to read, but you give me inspiration with every one I do read. Every time I read one of them I feel like you are saying exactly what I need to hear in that moment. Thank you Rachel for being brave enough to share what the rest of us need to hear❤️
Thank you, Erin.