giving yourself grace

It started like any other day. Me awaking way to early, a bit before six am, and coming down to the living room to finish writing my post. I had a couple in draft, a couple that I tried to salvage. But, they just didn’t feel real. They weren’t the post for today.

But, I tried to fix them. Spruce them up, and add some pictures, and make them right. As time ticked away I began to realize that it might be a day where there’s no post. Internal panic. I like routine. I like having my post ready at 6am and all I need to do is hit publish. {Or make sure that auto-publish worked…} I like having things in order.

Then I realized that I wasn’t giving myself permission to take a day off. To step back without apologizing. So I sat there this morning writing, tweaking, pulling photos, adding photos, and trying to make something work when instead I should have just stepped away.

Which led me to here. Writing this at 8:11 in the morning, while the boys play upstairs, and Samuel eats a gluten free sandwich. Writing it in the hour window before I start teaching. And, the irony is that I’m not writing to get a post up today. I’m writing it because I came to a realization.

There might be days where I don’t post.

Gasp. And that gasp was me gasping. The perfectionist in me doesn’t ever like to even admit the fact that I can’t have every boxed checked on my writing schedule. The mother in me? The wife in me? The writer in me? It sees the need to allow myself grace to not always have everything together. In fact, sometimes, stepping back and being silent takes more discipline then speaking. Or getting up at 6am trying to fix something that honestly needs to just sit in the pending file.

I write about us as mothers taking a day off, or not finishing the list, or being okay with the days when there’s spilled milk. That applies to me as well. It applies to you too. It’s okay, it’s good, to step back, to regroup, to breathe.

It’s okay to be silent.

Even if it’s for a day. Now, am I thinking this will happen often? No. I love writing, I love the way that I can process life or share life or talk about celiac disease or interact with you all. But, I needed to give myself permission to be okay with it if I step back and don’t write for a day. Or two. Or more.

It applies to our lives as well, my friends. How many times does someone come over and we apologize for not having it look Better Homes and Garden perfect? Or do we dismiss a compliment because we don’t feel like we look nice? Or homeschoolers? To admit that our day didn’t go so perfectly?  And then we push harder trying to make things a certain way?

We need to learn to give ourselves grace.

We push and push and push ourselves. And eventually, all that pushing can lead to burnout, discontent, or bitterness if we don’t allow ourselves the freedom to step back. It’s not even that we need to step back, it’s just giving ourselves the grace, the freedom, the mental permission, to take a break. To be silent. To take a nap. To not have it all together.

So, ironically, on the day when I thought that I had nothing to write about, there was something to write about. It wasn’t forced. It was real. And it came after I realized that I needed to give myself freedom and grace.

And that grace? It applies to you too, my friends, in your today.

Grace. Give yourself a bit of grace.