Truth: I was super excited about the throwing out the calendar. In fact, despite the many beautiful moments tucked within those dates there were, what felt to be, a disproportionate number of days where I simply felt like I wanted to throw in the towel, get down on the floor, have a tantrum like my four year old has mastered, and yell a very whiny it’s not fair.
But, I didn’t.
Well, most of the time.
My adult tantrum looked more like me loading everyone up in my fifteen year old gas guzzling Suburban that I have nicknamed The Beast and driving over the rolling hills to my local Starbucks. This Starbucks, by the way, has become an iconic place for me as I feel like Norm from Cheers (I’ve just dated myself) when I walk in the door because I’m greeted with a loud and resounding cheer of Rachel as I walk in through that vestibule. Somehow my extra hot caramel macchiato is the solution to my it’s not fair overwhelmed days of motherhood.
I’m going to be real.
Life can be really really exponentially messy. You can wake in the morning and wonder how in the world did this become my story? and yet, no matter what, you’re stuck in the middle of the story. You can’t really get the magic Do Over button that Staples advertises. You can’t get the could you just let me sleep for 15 minutes? more break when the toddler is crying or the baby wakes. The real truth is that often motherhood can simply be a place of overwhelm.
It doesn’t matter what causes the overwhelm. Sometimes it can be a culmination of little stressors – orange peels left on the floor, peanut butter on the stairs, sassing back by the eight year old, kids that don’t want to go to bed, bills piling on the counter – or it can be just that life is deciding that at this moment it’s simply going to be hard. Money stuff. Relationship issues. Sickness. Death. Kid issues. I don’t need to list them. We know them, and in fact, many of you are in the midst of walking through them. Add those with the little stressors and you have a perfect recipe for overwhelm.
I hate overwhelm.
I’m being real again. Overwhelm is hard on me. It’s what brings up the questions that lead to posts like Dear Mom Who Feels Like She is Failing or The Mom Confession or To the Tired Mom. And from the response to those posts I’ve learned that I am not alone. I’m not alone in having those days of overwhelm and then moments where I just look at those blessings, those sweet little ones asleep, and I wonder why in the world was it so hard?
Here’s the deal. As hard as it is overwhelm teaches us things. Even though it’s horribly uncomfortable, humbling, painful, and can make us simply want to run out of the house and down the block screaming enough. And because I’ve learned that this world just needs more real and sometimes you need to hear that you’re not alone or that you’re amazing or that you’re not the only one that’s dealt with overwhelm I’m going to share things I’ve learned. Motherhood is not a journey meant to be solo, but should be a beautiful connecting of women who desire to embrace, love, and support each other. And that happens when we’re real.
Here are six truths, six things, that I’ve learned about overwhelm.
1. There is no shame. Sweet sweet mother – there is no shame in feeling overwhelm. You must remember that all of us reach that point at some place in our motherhood journey. Sometimes I think there is this fear in thinking that we’re not cut out for motherhood when we have those moments. The moments don’t define you, don’t define motherhood, and they don’t determine tomorrow much less the next five minutes. Do not allow shame to rest on you for a second.
2. You will get through. I think that’s what I need to remember most often in those head in the midst of those hard days of life. I’ve had many friends who will call me up and will simply say you’ll get through. Or I’ve had friends who simply tell me how much they love me or are proud of me. Those things matter. So remember that as well – there will be a point in life when you feel on top of the world and you have a friend who feels like she’s drowning in life. Be a friend. Show up at her door. Tell her she matters. Those things help one through.
3. Ask for help. Humbling, but yes. Sometimes the greatest moments of courage and bravery are the times when one picks up the phone and asks for help. It is humbling but also a moment of incredible victory – it is a time where you are fighting for self and for your family and you are willing to admit that you know what I don’t have it all together and I’m okay with letting someone else into your life.
4. Accept help. This. This one is so so so hard for me. I love to get lost in the presupposition that I can do it all by myself. But truth? The real truth is that I cannot do it all. There are moments where I need help, and there are moments when you need help, and there are moments when we all just simply need help. Open the door. Humble yourself. Invite others into your life. Truthfully, sweet mother, when you admit that you’re real, and not perfect, you’re in fact allowing and creating a culture of motherhood void of the crippling masks of perfectionism that social media and externals can create. You not only bless yourself, but you bless the giver as well.
5. Learn. Maybe not in the midst of overwhelm, but after. Overwhelm teaches us about ourselves, it alerts us to what is or what isn’t working, and is a great indicator of too much going on in our lives. This is where one of my favorite phrases – do one thing and do it well – comes into play. Maybe in the midst of this overwhelm – when the kids are crazy, the timers beeping, you’re late, the phone is ringing, the laundry waiting to be folded, and all of that overwhelming stuff piles higher and higher – that is the time to throw the to-do list out and to choose one thing. And I’m telling you, very honestly, that many times it is a simple thing. Taking a walk. Reading a book. Calling a friend. Rocking the two year old that’s been driving you a bit batty. Just pick one thing. One thing. Give yourself grace. Breathe.
6. Find Joy. Celebrate joy. Embrace the moments. There is a reason Little Things Matter is the tag line for my site. You see, friends, for many years of my life I lived thinking if this would just change then I can be happy. And I one day something shifted in my heart, my posture. I began to realize that I could live my entire life on hold waiting for the moment of perceived perfection. And I would be thus missing out on the gift of life, the moments of now, in front of me. Well, it’s hard. There are some days where I just am tired and don’t want to look for the joy or all of that. But I make myself do it. I make myself sit in my bed at night and write notes to those that matter, take instagram pics of silly things like tea with berries in it, or my kids laughing in the backyard, or all sorts of little things. Those are the moments. Celebrate them. Use them to kick overwhelm to the curb. They don’t take away the hurts, the struggles, the hard stuff, but they do allow gratitude to develop a foothold in your heart.
Sweet mother. I’m with you. I believe in you.
Overwhelm is one of the worst.
But you will get through.
You will. One step, one action, one moment, and one step again.
Freedom.
That’s my word for the year.
And it’s my word for all of you as well.
Onward brave mother. Onward.
61 comments
what a wonderful post. Not every day in the life of a mom is sunshine and rainbows. This particular morning it seems that 6 out of my 7 have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. It’s shaping up to be a very long day…This was just what I needed to read.
I’m very new to blogging and still learning the ropes.. If I knew how to reblog, I would.
I am a mother of 2 boys. Nolan Farris who is 3 yrs old and Elijah Grey who is 8 months. I have Fibromyalgia and everyday is a struggle for me. Through all the pain I definitely feel overwhelmed at times. It gets hard for me. Bending down picking up toys, cleaning, and even carrying my boys. My illness puts a heavy burden on my relationship with my husband, its causes me to be “lazy”, which I don’t try to be lazy but I hurt, I hurt horribly everyday. I get overwhelmed by the boys, by the house, by my husband. I pray for guidance. Waking up everyday and getting out of bed is a struggle for me. I sometimes need that 5 more minutes, not just for sleep but to force myself up because the pain is so bad, my bones and joints are so stiff but I don’t get that 5 mins, I get up and take care of my boys. I always do no matter what. I don’t get help, ever. Maybe once a month with my 3 yr old but that’s it. This was a good read for me, thank you for writing it. Much love and strength sent to you. <3<3
Bless you today in all that you do. Thank you for sharing your story with me. May today be a day of grace, joy, and little moments that matter.
rachel
Dear Mama Wilson (edited by Rachel from Finding Joy), reading this broke my heart!! You see, I too, have fibromyalgia. I can’t imagine having 2 small children to care for. I didn’t have it when my 2 children were small. My daughter was 24 when I was diagnosed and my son was 20. I have often wondered how I could have done it. So, my heart goes out to you. I will tell you, though, that the best and happiest days of my life was when my kids were little. It goes by so very fast. You will turn around and they will be grown. I just want to encourage you to hang in there. And try to enjoy these days, even though you don’t feel like it some days. I’ve had fibro for 16 years now and it is so much better. I did go through a very rough time with a lot of pain the first few years. So, again, I want to encourage you. Things will get better as you learn how to manage it . It i can do anything or if you just need to vent, please don’t hesitate to e mail me. May God give you strength and bring healing to your body. My prayers are with you. Linda
Sorry, my post was meant for Mama Wilson.
Dear Mama Wilson, it is now a few years down the road from you writing this, but today it is what I needed. I came online googling for help in being so overwhelmed with my almost 8 and almost 6 year old boys, as I too have Fibromyalgia and am just plum burned out. I am constantly overwhelmed and nothing seems to give me enough reprieve to feel ready to keep going. I am currently on a family vacation and thought it would help, but it feels like there is no vacation helpful for my weariness. It is so hard. I don’t know if you will even see this message but I had to reach out once I read your struggle. Are you doing any better?
Hi
Im glad you commented on this. Reading this def made me feel better, that I’m not alone, but reading that you have Fibromayalgia helped even more.
I have not been diagnosed, as the doc can only see me in 7 months time!
I struggle so bad with joints, stiffness, ankles, wrists, …. just pain all over. And yes, cleaning and picking up toys is a nightmare. Did you get meds to help you with this? And did you suffer fom extreme depression ad well?
I dont really have depression, but the paining joins makes me beleive I have Fibrom.
Hello Tiffany,
I noticed that Mama Wilson hasn’t came back to respond but her message resonated with me. I went on the web to find some sort of relatable story, so I wouldn’t feel alone. Glad I saw hers and your response. I have rheumatoid arthritis and have a three year old boy and a 3 month old girl who are both sick at the moment. I’m
Not on my amimuno surpressant because I’m breastfeeding so the flare is full force right now. Today is one of those days where I just want to cry and give up. A comment one of my sisters made to another sister was “why did she have kids if she can’t even take care of them” that has been circling in my mind. That is one big major reason why I hate asking for help because they see it like “there are millions of mothers who don’t have help and are fine!” It was my choice to have children and I don’t think it’s anyone else’s job but today I’m struggling and my partner has to sustain our living so he has to work. He tries as much as he can. but most of the time I’m alone with the little ones. I know I need to get on my meds soon otherwise I won’t be able to pick up my 15.5 lbs baby soon. Let alone my 3 year old. Thank you for all you mamas with no judgement and words of wisdom and kind words. No you are not lazy and yes you can take a day off!
Thank you so much for writing and sharing your thoughts on “overwhelm”. I kept nodding my head while reading agreeing with all you wrote.
My hubby often asks why I’m tired or grumpy and I say “I just feel overwhelmed”. Your blog is so very apt for us Mums..
I will put your 6 things to remember on my fridge today to keep me focussed in the overwhelm moments.
Thanks again for the wisdom and support.. feelin the love..
C xxxxx
Ps. You write beautifully.
Oh thank you, Cate. Bless you today.
Rachel
Today we are moving for the third time in a year. A risk here, job change there, parents throwing away our hopes at the family business. It has been the most stressful, financially crippling year. My boys are 18 months, 3 years and I am 20 weeks pregnant with my third. My husband travels for his job (he got the same position back after our job change just in a few different states) and I am here to take care of everything on my own. Sometimes I wonder how I will ever get through. Overwhelm is my life. I have let go a lot, but still have a lot of work to do. I am going to bookmark this so I can read it again, and maybe even again. Thanks. 🙂
Bless you. I just told my husband “no one I know understands this mess I’m in.” Then I picked up my phone, read this post, and read your comment. I could have written it. We’ve moved 3 times since last January, will be moving again in a couple of months, have a 4 yr old 3 yr old, 1 yr old, & I’m 27 weeks pregnant with #4. Financial struggles, sick family members, plumbing disasters, no help with the kids from anyone but my husband when he is able, etc. We’ve been through it the last 12 months. While my husband is mostly home now (most nights from 6 pm to 5 am lol) he traveled every week for the last 6 years. Sister, hang in there. You are not alone in your journey of overwhelm. <>
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19 NIV)
I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately and saw this on pinterest. It’s the message I needed today. Thank you and thanks to God who spoke to me through you. I feel less alone now.
I am so thankful you saw this on pinterest and that it is what you needed to hear today. I pray by now you’re day has shifted and that you have had moments of sweet joy and rest.
Rachel
Interestingly enough, I wrote a post on feeling overwhelmed (though it was somewhat related to the aftermath of the holidays) and I’ve been working on a post about shame.
These 6 truths are in fact, pretty good sanity savers for me in my own new motherhood struggles. 🙂
Yeah….today was one of those days for sure. I’m so pooped right now and somethings all I want to do is sleep with how challenging it is to be a mother to a fun loving 2 year old all by myself while my husband is away serving our country.
I so needed this post today! At the moment just trying to hold back tears of overwhelm with all things going on in my Life now; a big move halfway across the country, a defiant 2,5 yearl old driving me crazy, a nw job starting on tuesday, a man that´s upset I haven´t done as much as he (hello, I´m taking care of “Miss defiant” and our everyday Life) It´s just too much… But I just need to try to Catch my breath and hold my head above the water!
I want to simply say THANK YOU for your posts! THANK YOU! Sincerely Mommy of 3-1/2 yr old
Twins 🙂
I just want to start off by saying that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Did you or did you not choose to hve children? There are so, so many women struggling just to have one child. And all I read in this article is whining. Yes, Motherhood is hard and no one can prepare you for it especially on days where things are crazy. But you chose to have a child and you were so lucky enough to be able to have one let alone two. Wouldnt you agree?!
Hi Jennifer,
Absolutely, yes, agreed about the children. I’m sorry that you perceived it as whining. To me, the heart of the article was to bring to light that there are those moments – even though children are an amazing gift in our lives – that are simply overwhelming. I think by ignoring or diminishing the fact that sometimes things are hard it can create a cycle of overwhelm and perfectionism. Sometimes life is plain and simple hard. And sometimes instead of hiding and pretending that everything is okay I really believe that it’s best to just be open about it, to develop a strategy, and to be real.
Thank you for your comment and sharing your heart. I appreciate it.
Rachel
Jennifer yes everyone is entitled to their opinion and I’m not wanting to start a debate here but what you need to realize is that there are Moms out there who love their children more than anything else in the world, but raising them is not always glamorous and bunnies and kittens. I give props to her for putting her heart out there to let is moms who feel the same know we are not alone. There are so many moms who critique other moms so harshly that it makes feeling this way feel like a disorder. We need to be able to know we are not alone for the moms that don’t have a months worth of meals set to be made in the freezer, looking perfect with perfect hair, a perfectly clean house, and a leave it to Beaver attitude that motherhood is glamourous- for some of us it’s not like this but we try to be the best mom we possibly can. These posts help me to feel like I’m not alone and don’t have to be the perfect mom like everyone makes it out to be. We just want our kids to be happy-that’s what we all strive for. That’s why we do what we do everyday.
Pretty harsh don’t you think? As a fulltime SAHM…I have these days and it is normal to feel overwhelmed and like your losing your mind…24-7 wee ones are by your side..my teeth don’t get brushed, I’m still in maternity panties, I wear nursing bras after 28 months…my body is not fit anymore, I’m exhausted most days, I eat leftovers off plates, there is no break, no private potty time for me, no naps for me and God forbid I want to exercise, cooking three meals a day from scratch so the kids eat healthy, not having any me time, did I mention there are no 15 min breaks, no lunch break and certainly no glamour in being a SAHM…..of course I’m blessed to have kids….and wanted them more than anything….but I’m also allowed to say I’m exhausted or complain if need be! Being a SAHM has so many rewards and is so wonderful to be able to stay home…but some days a break is always nice!
Cindy THANK YOU! I think we live the same life you nailed all my feelings lol
Don’t usually read all the comments but scanned through them today. Interesting how different people can read the same thing and see totally opposite things in the same words. Your focus in writing is to help mothers understand that they’re not alone, that there are others out there going through the same things. How are you supposed to do that if you don’t use real life circumstances? You can have one child and have life be overwhelming or you can have no children and life be overwhelming. You’re writing from your perspective, which is a mom of a bunch of kids! You can’t write from any other perspective.
I wanted to comment on the first part above the main post. I found it amazing and that it showed your heart that instead of running away when you were overwhelmed, you took ALL the kids with you!
Continuing to lift up prayer!
Psalms 139:4-6 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
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Praying right now!
Psalms 139:7-10 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
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From a blessed grandmother to those moms who are feeling overwhelmed; I believe the most valuable point made in this thoughtful post is the following: “Motherhood is not a journey meant to be solo, but should be a beautiful connecting of women who desire to embrace, love, and support each other.” There is more joy in our lives when we can share our hopes, dreams, AND our “overwhelm” with each other. Remember the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants – those movies were popular for a reason – Connections!
Nice article, replace all references to mum and motherhood with parent and parenthood and it will be perfect. Us Dads get overwhelmed too you know. 😉
Oh yeah, yes…yes…yes….thank you for all you do as well.
Rachel
What amazing words of Scripture! Know that I’m praying!
Psalms 139:17-18 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
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Praying!
Psalms 102:1-2 (A Prayer of the afflicted, when he is overwhelmed, and poureth out his complaint before the LORD.) Hear my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee. Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you for the encouragement, for reminding me I’m not the only one struggling at times.
Parenthood is a choice in most cases. I am currently raising my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter whom I love as my own . Her mom died when she was six months old and her dad serving our country currently deployed. After raising my two this is at my age over whelming many days. I wouldn’t trade them for anything! She has become very defiant! I am blessed with an awesome friend who keeps her while I work . Her dad says he is taking her back after his deployment. While this breaks my heart I know she belongs with him. He will have many overwhelming days as he is not used to caring for a little princess!
You are a great person and loving on your grandchild is surely making someone smile in heaven. I pray God looks out for you and especially for your Grand daughter who will need a Mom figure in her life to learn about the lady things and advice, etc. Please protect her well as little girls need that. I hope one day to be a Grandparent but I never thought that Mom could die so young so it’s another perspective and another challenge and overwhelm that you could not see coming. It’s important to pray for patience and to look up the “Developmental stage of the 3 year old / the 4 year old / etc.” Many of the things they do are quite “typical” and it’s just a stage. I’m so glad she has you in her life. You are a wonderful support system for your son and I applaud all your efforts.
As I am reading this…I am sitting here while the house is finally quiet, the wind is blowing hard against the house, my 10 month old son is asleep on my shoulder, my husband and 4 year old son are doing nightly devotions together in the other room, we have nice calming music on and….I am sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks. This was good. Thank you for writing this…
Your blog is not just inspiring but uplifting as well. I need to hear these things more than I care to admit to anyone, let alone myself. While I am in the “many children” group, the truth is that we all as mothers get overwhelmed and mommy guilt creeps its way in sometimes when least expected.
Why is it that we feel like it is shameful to not do it alone? I know personally I need to hear from other moms that I am doing an okay job because being a mommy can be lonely even with lots of littles under foot!
Thank you for uplifting me today!
Rachel – its been a long 2013. A.really.tough.year. Physically. Others deal with much more but it was a lot compared to what I was used to being. I lost some of my health, my independence and accepted my son will be an other child. I am not sure I allowed myself to mourn the changes to my health and our future in 2013. And in the midst of your post I allowed myself to admit it, to mourn it. Thank you. Thank you for being rule and honest and transparent. You have a gift. Keep sharing!
Bless you, Jess.
I always spent my half an hour to read this blog’s content every
day along with a cup of coffee.
Thank you. Really. I am a mother to four (ages 7, 5, 4, & 2). We were told by 2 pediatricians that our 4 year old will likely meet criteria for adhd, though they can’t officially diagnose or treat him currently, as you must be at least 6 years old. His behavior can be really difficult to cope with, and is a large stressor. My husband farms and is gone 10-16 hours/day 6 days a week. We live 30 miles from a town, so I don’t have the resources or conveniences of city life. My mother died suddenly two months ago. She was a great source of support for me, and I have felt so very overwhelmed since that time. Also, I am trying to help my dad as much as I can with his grief. I am a stay-at-home mom, so there is no break from the kids. My friends have multiple kids of their own and I don’t feel like I could ask them to take mine so I can have a break. Also, our 4-year-old is so impulsive that I worry about his safety (he has been known to disappear or get into dangerous things) while in the care of someone else. I am grateful for your perspective. I feel very alone sometimes, and your words encouraged me today.
Lacey
My son also has ADHD. I have two other boys. We are echausted! Feel free to Email me I know how hard it is!
Oh this blog post couldn’t have come at a better time. Just At the end of my tether today, shouldn’t be drinking, yet having a drink! My mother passed away a month ago after a short battle with cancer and today I just feel like shouting out ‘f**k my life’ , husband buttering bread and leaving knife, bread and butter on counter. Toddler leaving a trail of toys behind him, baby teething and like a bear all day, husband working from home. Suddenly appears at tea time and insists on feeding toddler something we know he won’t eat so it’s tears, kicking and screaming at tea time, which I’ve said 100 times does not work. Anyway…. Sip of wine and try to unwind before teething baby decides it’s time for me to be on my toes again and that’s before I taxkle the 5 baskets of washing, 2 of drying and 3 of ironing. When did this become my life?
Hello,
I do not typically comment on posts I read but I have to say thank you! This is exactly what I needed.
My little girl is almost 2 and I’m feeling greatly overwhelmed. I guess I’m feeling the guilt of just wanting some me time. I know it’s necessary and would do wonders with overwhelm, but it is something that rarely happens. I’m a SAHM with no family around or friends that are close enough to help out. My husband doesn’t really understand my being overwhelmed with her which doesn’t help.
Anyways your post reassures me that I’m not a failure or a bad mom. I’m human. And I thank you for that.
Thank you so much for posting this! ahhhh such a relief to read it. I am a single mother and even though my 2 year old was much wanted and I am proud to be his mum it is amazingly tough. I had no idea as I used to have boundless energy and thought I would be different hahahhahha I am laughing so hard at myself now after not having slept a night for 2 years I like everyone else in this situation am feeling quite worn. I do not have any family nearby and I have very bad social anxiety so it is really hard for me to make or keep friends. The alienation and isolation has been extreme. I don’t want to complain, but wow much respect to mothers because we are freaking tough-in-a-good-way! Reading posts like these keep me afloat and hopeful, remind me to focus on the good moments and try not to obsess over my problems or work too much and miss my son’s beautiful growing up. Much love and support to everyone!
I needed this article this weekend. Thank you
You always have good stuff, honest. It’s so similiar to what I’ll be blogging about. It is always surreal that there is possibly another mom that feels like I do and keeps going. It appears by every conversation, no matter how REAL I am towards them, that there are no other moms that truly feels like this more than maybe once a year lol. It’s daily or weekly for me. I might even have 2 or 3 ok weeks then I feel the overwhelm, the how’d this become my story. You are far away but I’m glad you post these
I’ve been following your posts for quite a while now and I’m always blessed by your words, words that so often mimic the ones swirling around in my head. As a mom of 3 (soon to be 4) ages 8, 3 and 18 months. Living with in-laws, which means limited space and too much stuff, and the seemingly never-ending cycle of living paycheck to paycheck, I feel like I’m in a place of chronic overwhelm. I needed to hear this today, I needed the reminder that it’s ok to ignore the overwhelm and instead focus on what really matters, my people. None of them are going to really remember if the house was cluttered or clean. But they will remember how well I loved them, and whether I chose to focus on the negative or find the joy. Thank you for being you and being real. We need more of that in this world of mommy critique and comparison. 🙂
What a great list and reminder that we are not alone! Finding joy has been the key to getting past the overwhelm. Once I finally started doing something for myself where I could see real progress (not just another pedicure) I found my internal worth again and was far less likely to feel overwhelmed. Thank you for all the tips!
This totally brought me to tears, thank you for being vulnerable enough to write such a heartfelt piece. Thank you for allowing me to not feel so alone.
I came here in tears, looking for some semblance of understanding. I’m so overwhelmed and I hate myself for it. I have two AMAZING little girls that I would do anything for. They are literally the reason the sun rises in my world at all.
But, there are days, not unlike today, where I feel like I have failed everyone, including myself. I feel like I could sink into an oblivion and the only reason anyone would notice is because dinner wasn’t on the table or there was no one to tattle to.
Bills are piling up. Mine and my husband’s credit is being hit almost daily with some nonsense that is just pulling us further away from getting the home of my dreams to raise my little girls in.
I try turning to my husband to ease the load, but, he is as much of a responsibility as my kids are sometimes (READ: PlayStation) that I have to kind of throw my hands up, suck it up and move on.
I really hate admitting that I am overwhelmed because I only have two children. I see mothers with three, four…hell, there is that woman on tv with 19 kids! I think, Meg, you have NO right to overwhelmed. If they can do it, shut you mouth because you can do it too.
But….here I am…not doing it. Not being able to suck it up and move on. I’m sure I will shortly, but, for right now, I just want to hide and cry.
Forgive the long post.
Thank you! While I relate to so many of the posters I suffer from depression, anxiety, and narcolepsy (all of which came after or became worse after having my children). I was previously a professional mom, “doing it all”, but am now SAHM travelling with my husbands work and started homeschooling. It’s been the hardest job of my life…and I’ve worked in juvenile courts/jails, therapeutic scool settings etc for 15 yrs). Anyway, being extremely alone while my husband is at work (and sometimes when he’s home) I feel like I’m slipping and failing. I have always been able to handle and control things in my life, but I feel like I bring the chaos to my family andtndndnd I don’t know how to fix me so I can fix my family. I have 2 wonderful children 8 and 4. My son suffers from sensory disorders including eating along with anxiety. I hate to admit that on very late exhausted nights I’ve thought that since idk how to fix me, then me “leaving” may help my family. I pray and my faith is in the Lord, this keeps me going. With a new school year around the corner, financial issues, exhaustion, etc. ..I’m feeling very overwhelmed again. My sweet husband doesn’t know what to do for me so just challenges me to “give up then”. I needed this blog and anything else that will help me get back on my horse and lead this family back to joy. Thank you.
I have a 3yr old, 2 yr old, 1 yr old, and one on the way. Husband is helpful, but he works during the day. I live on the east coast, my family is on the west coast. My MIL and sister-in-law (whose youngest is 6) refuse to babysit. As my SIL point-blank said to my husband regarding babysitting even for us to go out for a quick lunch, “It’s not happening!”. While I was pregnant with my third she would not help me, “Remember not to call me, because you know how busy I am!”
I’m an introvert and private person and it was always hard for me to make friends. I go to church, but I haven’t really even gone beyond “Hi” and “Hello”. There is NO ONE to help me. I had a bad episode of depression after my third one was born into a house with two toddlers. Now I’m going to have another newborn with a house of THREE toddlers.
The baby will be here in 3 months. I never thought I would look forward to middle-of-the-night feedings… when the other ones are asleep. I’m not sure how I will be able to cope.
Hi Melissa. I hope you reach out for help to another place, maybe a church or even just put some money away each week for a sitter once a month. It really helps (just 3 hours away with your husband). I also would suggest telling your husband about your overwhelm. You may need a therapist or counselor or life coach if you can’t get someone to hear you out. Talking it out to anyone helps you to make small steps for you to catch a break. I remember feeling overwhelmed and it’s not fun. I hope a church volunteer or a local young adult can help you out and give you the much need and well deserved break that you need. Do not rely on those who Give nothing. I am so sorry for you and their lack of support. Don’t let that be discouraging. There are many out there willing to help and support. I hope you find one or two friends and young adult women / college students who will give you that 6-9 or 7-10 break. We did it once a month and boy did it help.
I needed this tonight. Thank you for your post.
To Melissa K. I’ll be praying for you and your peace. The Lord blessed you with your babies and He is going to give you the grace to care for them while also taking care of yourself. Blessings to you!
I really needed to read this tonight. I’m a mum aiming to offer support to other mums with anxiety. Tonight I need the support myself. I constantly feel overwhelmed and often feel I’m not cut out for motherhood. I only have one daughter, age five and she’s the most wonderful little person and yet I am exhausted by the worry that I won’t be able to cope if she’s poorly. I love pretty much as a single parent and she goes to her dad two nights a week. I feel guilty for looking forward to these nights. I miss her but I don’t miss the responsibility. I’m so worried every time she says she has a pain or a tummy ache because I worry it means there’ll be something horrid to cope with by myself. I worry about school phoning me to say she’s poorly. It hasn’t happened yet but it will and I know it will trigger my anxiety. I know I’m doing my best and my daughter is happy and healthy but every day I worry about coping with the hard stuff like tummy bugs. Reading your post about feeling overwhelmed made me feel less alone. Thank you.
I’m sobbing uncontrollably reading these comments and the article. I’m past overwhelmed. I had one child and my husband had 2 but his lived with their mom and right before we got married we had to let them come live with us. I also found out I have endometriosis because of severe bleeding and cramping. The oldest had some pretty bad behavioral issues as did the younger one but his kept me at his school multiple times a week sometimes. Just as I was getting that under control I lost my Godson Mikey to SIDS 2 DAYS after Christmas and found out I was pregnant the following valentines day (was told that was highly unlikely due to my issues). Ever since it seems like one thing after another with no time to breath or adjust and now my daughter is 18 months old omand my older kids are much better but I was never a stay at home mom for any length of time and it’s been more than 2 and a half years of being one and I’m depressed and feel completely exsausted as she is the most active and curious of any kid I’ve been around. She still has many nights of getting up and I already had sleep problems before I had her, now just made so much worse. I perpetually get less than 4 hrs a night and if I watch any more Dora, Peppa or Ben and Holly I might seriously lose my mind. I called today seeking assistance to get childcare I could afford so I could go back to work and not be stuck in my house all day everyday and feel more useful and less like a glorified nanny. I feel like everybody problems are mine all the time but when I need help it’s my problem too. The woman proceeds to tell me that because I don’t have a fulltime job already that I don’t qualify, plus there is a waiting list and also she asked what I normally make which is $15/hr as I paint houses which she then told me that I should have budgeted for daycare before my unexpected pregnancy at which time I wasn’t working because of already taking care of the other kids getting them back on track at which point I began to cry saying I can’t take just sitting here while my house struggles and I’m watching cartoons and changing diapers. She told me I obviously do not love my daughter and should have CPS called. Also saying that wanting a life outside of the home was not something a mom has the right too anymore because it’s what being a mom is. Coming from a woman… working at an office. My kids are clean, well fed, clean clothes, good grades, respectful and well mannered, I’m involved with the teachers making sure they are getting help if they need it and no I’m not saying I’m without flaws but I’m far from a bad mom, just exsausted and overwhelmed. I reached out for help to start getting a better grip and I was shunned and chastised for it. BTW I also put her in her place as I have been invoked with CPS but because I had my older two godkids placed with me when they were 6 months and 18 months and my son was 5 and since they were given back and taken 2 more times with the addition of a 3rd child the CPS workers have called me for placement both times after. I couldn’t take them those times with my current amount of kids plus them so they are in foster care now but I still get to see them and talk to them. Basically I have many caseworkers that have become friends through all this and know I’m a good mom but it hurt so much to hear someone meant to help people tell me I shouldn’t have become a mother if I was able to handle it
I forgot to mention that where I’m at reputible daycares are full and not taking more kids so I would have to pay privately and thats running $10 per hour so my $15/hr is basically usless.
What do you do when the overwhelming feeling just doesn’t go away? I have 4 boys at home, two are mine and two aren’t. I get help from family 1-2 times a month, where my kids will sleep over with their grandma for one night. I miss them when they’re gone and I always feel like for sure I’ll feel better once I get rest and they come back. But that’s never the case. The second they come home, I’m again so very overwhelmed as if I didn’t have a single moment of quiet time. And each time at bed time, I get that guilty feeling like why can’t I be more relaxed with my children? I just feel it’s impossible and I don’t know what to do about it because I’ve felt this way for years….. suggestions?
Thank you from another overwhelmed, about to lose it mama. It feels comforting to know I’m not alone or crazy for feeling this way. I have 3 kids, a recovering alcoholic for a partner and I am the breadwinner. I have anxiety, depression, insomnia, and my oldest has anxiety, depression, adhd, and sensory processing disorders. My partner also has anxiety, depression, and severe social limitations. Yesterday I went into mild shock and couldn’t take it all anymore and called into work and checked myself into a hotel for the night. It helped me back off from going over the edge but I am still not okay. My partner didn’t really say or do anything about me leaving. Tomorrow it’s back to work with a new coworker who I think is on drugs and drives me crazy. Sometimes I definitely want to quit and run far far away but I’ll hang in there until the 5 month old is older, at least, because I know my sleep deprivation of about a year is adding to the intensity of all this stress. Maybe once the baby is sleeping through the night and I actually sleep at least 5 hours straight on a regular basis I will feel less insane and hopeless. At least I’m in therapy, we’re in couples therapy, and I go to al-anon and codependents Anonymous. Things have to get better, easier, and more joyful at some point, right?
I’m at the brink of either a nervous break-down or just checking myself in. I am totally overwhelmed with everything. Easily annoyed. My job and my cats are the one thing that gives me peace. My daughter has MS since the age of 28, has been in abusive relationships and now has an amazing man, who would eventually like to marry her, but, she knows his past and throws it in his face. You did this with “her”, why can’t you blah blah blah. Constantly. I keep giving her advice to get over it, he’s with her and that’s it. Finally, after years of begging her to seek therapy, she’s going but still hasn’t backed off of throwing stuff in his face. I told her, if I was him, I would’ve left you a long time ago, I know it’s not a nice thing to say, but gosh. I myself have nobody to vent to about my issues, am myself in a “not good standing” relationship. If I could leave, I’d leave, but certain circumstances will not allow me to leave, not enough money, no place, etc….. So dealing with more than what I’ve said about me, and dealing with my daughter constantly calling and crying about how he got upset because she threw one of his exes in his face, I really don’t know what to do, how to help her. I myself come from abusive parents and relationships. My mother, abusive in more than one way, I really didn’t have a mother to go to for advice. Tried a therapist, but they were going to put me on suicide watch, that’s totally stupid. So can’t really open up to one of them. I just really don’t know what to do anymore. On top of this all, recently got diagnosed with onset Dementia, have fibromyalgia, arthritis, ovarian cysts, menopausing and in my early 50’s. What the heck else. ANY advice is welcome. Or am I the only one out there that doesn’t know what, where or how to deal with all this. Thanx for listening/reading.
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