parenting phrases that never go out of style

Because I said so.
This is the ultimate go-to parenting phrase. When all else fails and the toddler is still whining and complaining about not getting to have the bread cut into triangles after you cut it into squares and you’ve had enough simply resort to those four words. Because I said so. Think of it. The ease. Why do I have to go to bed? Because I said so. Why can’t I take the toy from my sister? Because I said so. Why do I have to be home at 11pm? Because I said so. Keep this one in your pocket. Because I said so.

Remember the five {or three or whatever number you use} second rule.
Now, first, this does not apply to any product that would absolutely be gross to pick up and eat. Jello. Gum. Anything sticky. Or liquid. But those crackers that just fell? Five second rule. Teach it to them young. Just make sure you set parameters. Like no five second rule at Costco. Ever. There you simply ask for a new sample. The five second rule will spare you much grief.

Just give me a minute.
Which, in the dictionary of parenting, really translates into please stop asking me questions right now as I’m trying to have 38 seconds of quiet before the next question, crisis, spill, potty training accident, boiling over noodles, knock at the door, tantrum, or I’m bored cry ensues. Just watch the in a minutes – keep this handy – but don’t use it too often as the in a minutes can add up {read dear in a minute mom for those times}. But, seriously, if you’re in the middle of a diaper change and the five year old wants you to solve the next world’s issue, then that’s the perfect time to utter the in a minute phrases.

I’d like a grande latte. Please.
I don’t really need to explain this, but there is something magical about strapping children into their car seats and driving the 8 minutes of quiet, or maybe not, to your local Starbucks {or whatever you may have} and pulling through that drive thru {all coffee shops should have these – they are gifts to parents} and ordering that latte. Those baristas are like counselers, really. Always thank them, and tip them well when you can. And then they hand you your bit of reprieve, that steaming latte in a cup with a brown sleeve, and you can breathe while the kids in the back either fall asleep or pester their brother.  And always make sure to take the long way back home. I’m just saying. I’ve learned.

Are you kidding me?
This is a universal phrase that can be used in a variety of critical parenting moments. Let’s go back to potty training. This works for the child that didn’t make it and you just asked him if he needed to go. Are you kidding me? Even though you’re really not. It just helps alleviate stress. Or dinners that you’ve slaved over and no one likes. Are you kidding me? {Have them clean the kitchen.} This is, perhaps one of the most useful parenting phrases for those times when you are completely stunned by the reality with which you’re dealing with. It could be toddlers that get out of bed 48 times a night. Or homework which was remembered in the morning. Gum in the hair. Getting to the grocery store and somehow the six year old forgot their shoes. Anytime ever that one of them cuts their hair. The child that gets up at 5 am. Are you kidding me? is good for almost anything.

Just wait until you’re older.
Again. Another great universal catch all phrase. It could be in reference to how easy you think the second grade homework is as your child is lamenting the idea of carrying in addition. Then you’ll utter that wait until you’re older phrase as you tell them about long division. Or maybe they want to stay up late? Wait until you’re older. It’s awesome because of it’s versatility. You think that’s work? Ah, just wait until you’re older.

When I was a kid.
Yeah. This. Don’t try to run away from it. You’ll inevitably end up saying it to your kids and it will feel awesome. It’s like a rite of passage phrase. And you know what? My kids are shocked that I actually made it through highschool without a cell phone. And then I tell them about the pile of quarters that I always carried for the pay phones. And then, they asked me what a payphone was. Truly. So no matter how hard you think that you’ll never utter that phrase, I’m telling you, mom with the three week old baby, that you will use this phrase. And you’ll laugh and think to yourself about how you’d never say those words. Those words are golden. Truly.

I love you.
Never ever ever ever forget this one. Tell it to your kids often. Get in the habit of telling it to them. Even after the bad rotten horrible want to pull all of your hair out days. Tell it to them in the morning and at night. Write it on a piece of paper and stick it in their lunch. You tell it to them and they will learn to tell it to you. Remember that. Always.

Keep these phrases handy. Because I said so.

Any phrases you’d add? 

Rachel