Last night I went to bed very late, put my head on my pillow, and had that moment of thinking that I didn’t get anything done all day.
Again.
I saw everything I didn’t do.
I saw that instead of reading a story at night I told the boys to just go to bed and then I sat in the hallway for 45 minutes waiting for them to fall asleep.
I saw the messy kitchen – with pans needing to be washed from dinner and a table that still had remnants from our school day on it.
I saw the laundry that I didn’t finish folding.
I saw the times that I was impatient, the fact that we didn’t get all of our spelling words done, the fact that we’re still struggling with multiplication facts, that the bathroom mirror needed to be washed, that I didn’t finish my writing that I had planned, that I needed to vacuum the living room, that I still hadn’t played the game with Brennan that he asked me to play two days ago, that the kids played too much media, and that my to-do list instead of getting shorter had actually gotten longer.
So I rested there, at 2:30 in the morning, feeling just for a bit like I couldn’t keep up. Measure up.
Then I realized – am I only letting myself see all the things I didn’t do? What about what I did do?
What about all the what feels like a million times four times where I dealt with the inevitable mom cry over whose turn it was, over if one could play media, if it was snack time, and all of that? What about the dinner prepared – even though it was just spaghetti and sauce and beans – and the lunch prepared and the kitchen cleaned at least three times?
What about the times in the backyard?
Or sitting together on the couch? Or finding a shirt for them to wear? Or picking up toys? Or talking to friends? Or talking to a women’s group who was totally awesome? Or when I answered emails? And on and on and on.
How about you?
What do you see, dear mother when you look at your day?
Do you go to bed at night looking at your day thinking that you didn’t do much?
Do you go to bed weary wondering if all this motherhood stuff really makes a difference?
Or do you go to bed, put your head on your pillow, and give yourself grace? Do you rest there and know that even if it wasn’t perfect that what you’re doing makes a difference? Do you see the amazing normal things that you do every single day?
Do you see the beauty, bravery, and strength in what moms, what you, do?
I challenge you to start going to bed and realizing that you do a great deal more than we often give ourselves credit for. You are a mother. You may work, work at home, work part time, stay home, or do a combination of all of that. But no matter what, you mother. You still have to get up, to love kids, to get them dressed, to make sure they’re clean, to make food, to help with homework, to read, to listen, to deal with tantrums and attitude, to drive here and there, to wake in the middle of the night when you’d rather sleep, and to just keep going. No matter what.
When you put your head on your pillow at night that’s what you should be thinking about.
You should be realizing that you are way more than enough and that what you are doing – those simple things that are so easy to dismiss as just a mom moments are in fact the most powerful moments in your day. Dealing with disputing children multiple times an hour is in fact incredibly draining. Who knew that much energy could be expended in trying to determine whose turn it is? Or the challenges in a four year old actually letting you get them dressed? Or in loving kids when you’re simply super tired and you just want to take a break?
I mean, just this morning I’ve already dealt with a minor meltdown over the shirt choice (is it really that hard?), that one couldn’t go outside when they wanted to, that there was nothing for breakfast, that one had to actually scrape their dish in the garbage, that the shoes didn’t feel right, that one was annoyed that toys needed to be put back in the box, and on and on. And that was before 8am. And before my coffee had brewed.
Those things that we deal with that we think are often just mom things are sometimes the most draining, most tiring, most oh my goodness I cannot believe I am really trying to reason with a three year old over shirt choice things.
They’re the real nitty gritty mom moments.
The moments that are smooshed in with real life moments – the money, relationships, working, managing a home, and doing all of that real stuff as well as trying to convince the four year old that washing hair is good and that you won’t get the water in their eyes and well, you know, mom stuff.
Don’t dismiss what you do.
Don’t look at your to-do list which probably won’t get done until you’re old and use it to qualify your day.
Look at all you do. All of your being a mom enough moments. All the times when you put the bandage on the knee, pulled the splinter out of a finger of a screaming five year old, helped your teenager with homework, folded the clothes and put them back in the drawer, buttoned up coats, talked with friends, sat on the couch and breathed moments in life.
You’re a mom.
You’re a mom with good days, bad days, awesome days, days where you want to race to the airport and take the next flight to anywhere, days with milk spilled, days where you feel like the queen of the world, days that are sunny, days that are normal, and just every day life.
In all them. You keep going. That’s what moms do.
See that today.
That’s enough, brave mother. That’s enough.
~Rachel
10 comments
Fantastic post!! Exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you.
My kids are grown now, the youngest 19. I had many nights like this. I guess as I got older the things that didn’t get done just didn’t seem to matter as much. Great post!
Thank you so much both of you for your encouraging words. 🙂
Rachel
Should I feel guilty for keeping you company in the hallway last night? 😉
Seriously, this is a wonderful post. It brought to mind a beautiful and persistent daisy, bravely pushing itself up between the cracks in the sidewalk. We could focus on the cracked sidewalk or the weedy, unkempt border. Or, we could choose to look at {and appreciate} the flower.
Kim,
That is perhaps one of the most beautiful analogies that I’ve ever heard. That’s a little things matter truth.
I loved chatting with you last night. A blessing in my day.
Rachel
Thank you for this post. I was sitting here feeling so defeated for yelling at my two oldest (four and two yrs old) to just. go. to. sleep. already for their much needed naps. When I went back upstairs to apologize for losing my patience they were both already asleep. sigh Thank you for the reminder that there are bad days and good. That the ten stressful minutes before naptime (thankfully) don’t define me as a mother. Your blog is such a blessing to me during this super busy time in life and help me keep my focus on the bigger picture.
This truly resonated with me today. I tend to go to bed at night beating myself up for all that I didn’t get done that day. So I have started writing little moments into my day.
On my planner each day is something special to do with the twins, and something special to do with the baby. So that at night I can tell myself “at least”.
I didn’t do A, B or C, but at least I played that game of Uno with them. I didn’t say yes to that really messy activity when I was making dinner, but I did stop & read three stories to the baby before his nap time.
The “at least”? It saves me.
And some days, YOU save me. Your words, the way you write my everyday experience as if it were poetry, saves me. Thank you for that.
Stay inspired & keep writing. We need you!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I recently discovered your blog and can’t tell you what an encouragement your words have been to me. I think I’ve cried every time I’ve read an entry, because it feels like you are writing straight to my heart. Again, thank you.
I’m assuming you didn’t think reading them a story would have done anything to help them getting to sleep? And there’s your problem! You make todo lists! If you didn’t make the lists you wouldn’t remember everything you didn’t get done! ;o)
Keep your eyes on the Lord! Lifting up prayers!
2 Samuel 22:2-3, 7 And he said, The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence. (7) In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears.
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I just sent two of my older children to college the middle of September. I had a real mom moment when my older daughter asked me “When did I grow up? Read me a story.” I realized right then that I would do anything for just five more minutes with her at the age of five. Five more minutes to look in her innocent eyes and read that story AGAIN. I hope I would pause just for two seconds to observe that all was chaos and also some pretty cool smiles too. I was always told they would grow up fast but the days seemed so long, and challenging, and just plain exhausting. So I will shed a few tears, wipe them away, pray for all you brave ladies with the endless diapers and look forward to the next stage of parenting an amazing young adult-that was my goal after all!