“you are so annoying, mom”

I don’t think I thought I would ever write that title.

But, the truth is this: I’m an annoying mom.

To my kids. Especially my teens.

I didn’t set out to be that way, honestly. I thought I would be the cool mom. The one that my kids always that was awesome and on trend and so funny. Well, for the most part they think I’m awesome (or I’m in denial) but I will tell you this, despite me listening to the current radio station with them I am hopelessly not on trend (they teach me things) and I think I’m funny, but often they don’t.

But annoying?

I’ve been called that by my teenagers.

Now, before you judge that they shouldn’t be calling me annoying, let’s just step back. First, when I had little ones I told myself my kids would only treat me with respect. I get that. But teens, well, they’re becoming adults trapped in bodies that are changing and that alone causes great moodiness, frustration and challenges.

Then there’s me, their mom.

The one that says take a shower, you don’t want to stink and don’t leave the lid to the salad dressing on the counter and do your homework before you watch that show and let me see your phone and you need to go to bed now and get up and hurry up so you don’t miss the bus and guess what? you have your physical for school today and so forth, and well, I’m sure I am annoying.

(The school physical is always a funny one to observe because on one hand they get out of school but it’s at a price of sitting in the doctor’s office filling out pages of forms and questions and so forth….)

I’m also the one that says no to things they would love – like chips for dinner or trying crazy Youtube challenges and so forth. But I also say yes, so know that. And sometimes I say yes to things that are hard but because I believe in them they think it’s mean or annoying and then they end up loving it.

The real truth is this: I’m annoying because I care. And if being annoying means getting in their faces and showing up for them and making them strive to be better humans on this planet, then so be it.

It’s not my job to be their best friend right now.

It’s my job to be their mom.

And that means rules, expectations, shower reminders and consequences in the midst of everything else.

So yes, I’m an annoying mom who loves her kids so much she’s willing to deal with slammed doors and emails to teachers asking them to work with my child more on late work and picking them up at eight pm because they didn’t text that they were going from their friends house to Target and looking through their history on their phones and questioning them about it.

I love them so much that I want to be that mom.

Because they will NEVER be able to look back and say you know my mom? She was there, but she didn’t invest in us or care what we did. Because I care incredibly. I want them to make mistakes, to fall down, to mess up. I’ll be there for them. I’ll talk with them. I’ll tell them my love will never change.

But I will set a bar that doesn’t sit in entitlement, passivity and not caring about those around you.

That’s my job.

And yours too.

Be in their faces. Invest in them. Look at their phones.

And above all, tell them you love them every single day. No matter what. NO matter if you never hear it back or you get a slammed door.

Be there for them.

You’re their constant. Their mom.

And sometimes that means being annoying.

~Rachel

p.s. several of my teens are grown. I think they’re great now. Something magical happens when they get older and all of a sudden your mom becomes cool again.

#findingjoy

3 Responses to ““you are so annoying, mom””

  1. March 19, 2018

    Julia Fields Reply

    I always appreciate your writing! For me, being a mom to three teenagers is tough. I have great kids. Christians. Straight A students. Friendly.
    But they still battle me. Yesterday, my “easiest” of the three, asked me about going to a horror movie. It’s not something I allow. She has debated me before. It’s beyond me WHY she would even want to watch that. After some intense discussion, she told me that everyone else can go and questioned my reason that I’m just “trying to protect her heart and mind.” She shook her head. I was proud to be that horrible mom that wanted to protect her heart and mind.
    Someday she will understand how much I love her. ❤️Julia

  2. April 6, 2018

    Brandi Reply

    Thank you for this. I, too, am that annoying, mom right now. Currently I could add that I am also that mean, unfair mom who doesn’t understand anything (according to my teenage son anyway.) And it is so comforting to hear you say that “this too shall pass” and that they grow up to love and respect the decisions we are making to raise responsible and decent humans! But wow!!!! It sure is tough while we are still in the trenches. I’ve always said that motherhood is the toughest job you will ever love…you just may not like it all the time! Thank you again for the reassurance that taking that hard road is worth it in the long run!

  3. April 6, 2018

    Brandi Reply

    Thank you for this. I, too, am that annoying, mom right now. Currently I could add that I am also that mean, unfair mom who doesn’t understand anything (according to my teenage son anyway.) And it is so comforting to hear you say that “this too shall pass” and that they grow up to love and respect the decisions we are making to raise responsible and decent humans! But wow!!!! It sure is tough while we are still in the trenches. I’ve always said that motherhood is the toughest job you will ever love…you just may not like it all the time! Thank you again for the reassurance that taking that hard road is worth it in the long run!

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