This is one of those posts that has probably been in my mind for a good year. I’m talking twelve months of how to tastefully and tactfully and gracefully talk about something that actually has been on my mind for probably three years. So I’ll probably mess up. I’ll probably offend someone, but know that my heart, my mind, my intents – they are good.
They are good because I believe in us as moms.
But, here’s the deal. And I might be the absolute worst one of this ever – I think it’s much too easy to stay in the muck and hard places and stuff and just talk about how we’re stuck and overwhelmed and feeling like we’re failing then it is to actually become resolute to change that situation and place.
I know. A bit harsh, but true.
Let me tell you a story – when I was in labor with one of my kids my midwife was unbelievably encouraging of me. Like crazy awesome – I thought we were best friends in that moment and she was cheering me on and loving on me. Until I hit transition. And I started to waver and wanted to give up and would cry that I couldn’t do it. She tried to continue that cheering of me on attitude but at a certain point I clearly remember her grabbing my face with her hands and being a little bit harsh with me.
You have no choice, Rachel. You are going to do this whether you like it or not and I suggest you get yourself together and fight for that baby to born. I believe in you. You will not quit now.
I remember trying to utter words about being too tired and that I couldn’t but she wasn’t buying it.
She knew that I had to gather that resolve and to deal with the horrible pain and to fight through.
And that’s what I feel like I need to say.
There comes a point when it’s enough talk and instead we need to decide to act.
Sometimes it’s awesome for all of us to talk about the issues of motherhood. I mean, come on, the issues are an entire section of Google. We have to deal with some seriously hard wearing unfair stuff in this world. And I say that because I want you to know that I get how hard and unfair and wearing life can be at times. I get divorce and relationship and collectors pounding at your door.
It’s just a ton.
But we could spend our days of motherhood talking about it over and over and over again.
Don’t get me wrong – talking about it is good. I’m not one for ever hiding behind the cloak of I’m fine (read all the posts taking about this at the end) or hiding from the truth. But I would not be a good steward and protector of this space if I didn’t ever write words that mirror my midwife’s to me.
Sometimes we just have to pick ourselves up in the middle of the muck and start to fight and stop the words about how hard it is and change them with words about how we will do this.
It’s not easy.
I know. I’ve had days where I don’t want to lift my head out of bed. I’ve dealt with anxiety that has kept me up at nights. It’s not easy. But sometimes we have to knock it off and start to fight, friends.
We have to fight.
Not only for our kids, but for us.
Because time will continue to tick by minute after minute after minute. Those minutes will add up to hours which will become days which will become weeks which will become months which will become years which will become our lives. How many of them do we want to spend talking about the issues and how many of them do we want to spend solving the issues?
I believe in you.
I absolutely believe in you.
And if you think I’m harsh with you today – I am sorry. But, I am hoping that somewhere, somehow these words offer you a spark of hope. Because that is what we all need in those moments of overwhelm and exhaustion and despair. There is no shame nor embarrassment about not having perfect lives. None. In fact, the longer we stay stuck the harder it is to move forward. So all of that heaviness, we’re going to not let it define us.
We need hope. You need hope.
Hope that you can do this. Hope in a future that is better than today.
Find one thing. One simple thing that makes today better than yesterday. Clean out that cupboard. Call the person you’ve been putting off. Go for a run. Wipe down the sink. Throw away the extra stuff. Get rid of some toys. Get help. Learn to give yourself grace.
Here’s the thing about moving forward – once you get started the momentum will grow. Trust me – inertia can be overcome. And then, then you will be the one looking at your friends and telling them that you believe in them too. If all we do is keep sharing about how hard it is and not pushing each other to be better than we are all stuck. So at one point, someone needs to say – enough.
And that, that today, today for some of you is coming from me.
We are a powerful force to be reckoned with my friends.
You can do today. Talk about it. But do something.
I believe in you.
You will not quit now.
ps. If you need help – please get help. There is no shame in talking to a doctor if depression or anxiety is an issue. And if you are looking for deep encouragement (and a bunch of people that will believe in you and push you forward when you need it) please consider joining our group of very real moms on Facebook -> Finding Joy Moms